Post by jmonttwizted on Dec 16, 2022 4:24:01 GMT
[This is about to get really interesting because J Mont is about to pull up to his driveway in his 2023 Mercedes Benz G Class AMG 63 6X6. There were very few of these produced as this is one of the only few in the United States. The next closest area to have one is all the way in Dubai. And what a great way to blow around 1.8 million dollars. But money has never been an issue for J Mont. But what is about to be an issue is sneaking into the house without a shirt on. J Mont parks the vehicle and quietly gets out, closing the door like a little bitch. Doesn’t even hit the alarm button. He makes his way towards the front door and before he can enter the code to unlock the door, it’s like some Harry Houdini shit. The door opens up and no one is standing there. As he takes a step inside the house, followed by another, he looks around. This almost reminds me of the scene from Home Alone.
HARRY, I'M INSIDE!
[J Mont doing his best Marv impersonation, slowly taking a few more steps, not trying to make any sounds. This time around, instead of stepping on some Christmas ornaments or getting an Iron slammed into the forehead, J Mont gets something even worse than all of that. He gets a “MIA '' who jumps on his back and takes him down faster than Tyreke Hill running the 40 yard dash. Mia, now on top of J Mont, looks like she has a few words for him.]
Mia: So, why are you sneaking into the house like you have something to hide?
J Mont: I didn't want to wake Baby G Mont up.
Mia: Ok, so if i believe that, then what about no shirt mister?
J Mont: There is a good reason for this.
Mia: I swear to god, if you are cheating on me……[Mia takes a deep breath.] I'm going to cut your ballsack off and shove the balls down your throat.
[J Mont’s face cringes like he is in trouble, but he didnt do a thing to garner this much of an attitude from Mia.]
Mia: Yeah, lay there and look guilty. You might need to call John Branca after our conversation to have someone defend you. Speak damn it!
[J Mont for the first time almost has no idea what to say. He seems damned if you do and damned if you don't.]
J Mont: Babe, you know I'm training. I'm getting ready for the Ice Crown Championship. I told you the challenges that lay ahead with it. So I went to the Rink at Rockefeller Center to work on my conditioning for when the temperatures get to negative 10 degrees.
Mia: So you had to go and show off your body?
J Mont: Babe, I wanted my body to start to get used to this cold weather. I'm training like I'm Rocky in Russia. The cold is going to play a big part in this rumble. Everyone is working out but they are forgetting just how important it is to be prepared for the cold as well. That’s going to be the biggest opponent for me in this match. Not the 29 other pussies, but the COLD. I am mentally preparing myself for what is in store.
[The look on Mia’s face is one that knows she made a mistake. And she rarely makes mistakes, but this time she jumped the gun before really getting all the facts.]
Mia: I'm sorry babe. I know you're being faithful and all, it’s just sometimes I have a hard time handling all the attention you get. These gold diggers are coming after you for a quick buck. I know you have the mental strength to ignore them, but they sometimes wont stop til they get what they want.
J Mont: They can try all they want but they will fail. And the same thing is going to happen to all 29 of these assholes who think they have a chance. They are all a bunch of
CAGNE
Mia: I love it when you speak Italian to me baby.
J Mont: METTITI IN GINOCCHIO E SUCCHIAMI IL CAZZO ALLORA.
SMACK!!!
[Mia with a smack that is heard all the way to Yankee Stadium.]
Mia: Not that kind of Italian hun. I'm going to check on Baby G Mont. I think that slap woke her up.
[Mia gets off J Mont, and for good measure, gives him a nice kick to the ass. J Mont, still on the ground, works his way back to his feet. So, after getting jumped, his ball sack being threatened and getting rejected for some head, the next best thing is a drink. J Mont makes his way towards the kitchen and opens the fridge door. Grabbing a nice cold Corona as his choice of beverage for the night.]
J Mont: It’s like a man can never do right. But something i am going to do right is show everyone in the IIW, that they are SO LUCKY to have J Mont on their roster. I am probably a good reason why they are going to finish the year with their highest profits in Sales and Merchandise. And the best way for me to finish the year is to win the Rumble and get that World Title shot I've been asking for.
[J Mont starts to chug the beer. And chugs. And chugs. And before you know it, you have an empty 5 cent Corona bottle on the counter.]
J Mont: I know everyone thinks the odds are against me because I drew number 3, but I wouldn't have it any other way. And if you know anything about the number 3, it’s considered the perfect number. Number 3 in life has to do with creativity, inspiration and communication skills. It is also the number of harmony, wisdom and understanding. And if you want to get technical, my full name is
Joseph James Montuori III
J Mont: So, you can call this fate or whatever you want, but all the stars are aligning for me. I got a number that is all about me in every way. Now all i have to do is just show up and do what i preach.
[J Mont opens the fridge again, but this time grabs a bottle of water. Probably a smart move to not get a buzz before bed.]
J Mont: I have to stay on my game. I cannot afford to have someone SHATTER MY DREAMS. I dont need to run to EDDIE’S ESCAPE to get a IRISH CAR BOMB to drink. I don't need to play MANIFEST DESTINY with THE HEADBANGERS! MYCANIZE is nothing to get a rise over. Maybe I need to watch the movie Varsity Blues and get pumped up to THUNDERSTRUCK! And if that happens, someone is going to a FINAL RESTING PLACE! There is going to be no mystery here. ENIGMA DIVIDE is going to get conquered by the JKO. And the only thing that is going to FALL FROM HEAVEN is when i get my World Title shot after winning.
[Now there is an empty water bottle next to the Corona, but in the states, you don't get 5 cents for the water bottle.]
J Mont: And the only COUP D’GRACE that bitch will ever see is one from Mortal Kombat. And then you have this so called V-BOMB. Sounds like someone is still a VIRGIN to me. And the only APEX DEVASTATOR you will see is the one on the Commander Legends Card. You are all in for a RUDE AWAKENING because I am going to give you all one GOLDEN RULE to follow. I am THE HEADLINER! And if you want a RENEGADE SPIKE, then go on fandom and buy one. And I need to tell the Velvet Rabbit I found a new name for a drink. The SOUTHERN SPIKE!
[J Mont wants another drink but he knows it's not the right thing to do right now.]
J Mont: I really want to dive into another drink, but I need to make sure I get some rest tonight. I don't want to be doing a DIVING CORKSCREW STUNNER into the bed tonight. And i have found THE CURE for the IIW. J MONT as the next WORLD CHAMPION and that means no more C-BOMBS. Fuck you Cavanagh. You get a "C" as the World Champion. And a history lesson for you all. Isaac Newton discovered GRAVITATION. The Game of Thrones is a big hit while the BED OF THRONES is a bust. And if you really want to know about the IRISH CAR BOMB, then you need to ask Charles Burke Cronin Oat, not all the pussies here that try to use that to finish someone off. And sorry Mia, but anyone that locks eyes with me is usually MESMERIZED. There is nothing UNDENIABLE about that. But I am hoping everyone that is involved in this rumble realizes one thing. I am the TEACHER and you all are my students. You are going to learn a lot by getting your ass handed to you. It’s a very valuable life lesson for you all.
LIFE IS A MIRROR. WHEN YOU SMILE IN FRONT OF IT, IT WILL ALSO SMILE AND SO WILL IT WHEN YOU CRY TO IT.
J Mont: I want you all to look in the mirror. What you see is not your competition, but an already defeated individual. Broken bones can heal, but a broken mirror must be replaced. And here is another lesson that is about me.
A CHAMPION IS AFRAID OF LOSING. EVERYONE ELSE IS AFRAID OF WINNING!
J Mont: Am I afraid of somehow losing to a bunch of people who aren't in the same class as me? I guess you can say I am, but I don't see it happening. Unless all 29 people gang up on me and act like they are Annabel Chong doing a gangbang. And for some of you, maybe working with BRAZZERS is the better future choice for you then the IIW. I am not going anywhere any time soon and I plan on being decorated in gold. Watch out Michael Phelps. I'm about to add some more gold to my collection.
[J Mont knows it's time to get some rest and let his body warm up a little more now. The strategy is set. The game plan is set. Only thing left now is to execute and make it happen. With that said, J Mont starts to walk up the stairs and walks up to the open door to Baby G Mont’s room. He looks in with a big smile on his face. He then proceeds over to the main bedroom where Mia is in bed already. J Mont walks over to the dresser and grabs a shirt. As he closes the draw, you can hear Mia.]
Mia: You better not be putting a shirt on sexy. Everyone else got to see that tonight, now I want that snuggled up with me. Next IIW World Champ!
[J Mont smiles and throws the shirt on the floor. He then lifts up the sheets and gets into the bed with Mia. He wraps his arms around her as she does the same thing. It is sealed with a big kiss as they are both comfortable and ready to get some rest.]
Mia: I hope you know you are picking that shirt up in the morning.
J Mont: I was just doing what Rocky did not do for Apollo. I threw the shirt down as a reminder that someone needs to look out for these 29 souls I'm about to demolish.
Mia: My Champion!
[What happens next is not for your eyes and definitely none of your business. You have been schooled enough. See you in Manchester!.]