Post by "Too Sweet" Terry Marshall on Dec 19, 2022 21:47:52 GMT
*The continued.
"Too Sweet" Terry Marshall sits outside of Santa’s prison cell on the Starship Pain. Marshall feels bad that Santa was kidnapped, and really wants to keep his name off the naughty list so he can get that new IIW video game for his PS5. Imagine that, a heel on Santa’s "nice" list, you'd have to be a super cool heel to do that, and Marshall certainly is.
Marshall shivers a bit and wraps his Puffy black and white boa around his neck like a scarf. Marshall pulls the collar of his leather jacket up and pulls it closer to his body. Santa chuckles, causing his belly to shake like a bowl full of jelly, as Santa leans against the bars of the cell and presses his rosy red cheeks between the bars. *
Still hate the cold I see. Oh, ho, ho, ho, it was always your least favorite part of Christmas. You were one of the only little boys who wished for a sunny Christmas.
Yeah, brother, I wasn’t made for the cold. I’m a sunshine man if there ever was one.
Probably why you are so jacked and tan.
You know it, dude. Ah, Santa, I’m so sorry dude, I never wanted this to happen.
I know you didn’t Terry. I know that deep down you’re nice. You’re going through a naughty phase right now, but you’ve got a huge heart and have always been on the nice list. I just hope we get back to the North Pole soon, I can feel my Christmas magic fading.
WHAT!?!
*Marshall jumps from the bench he is sitting on to his feet. As Marshall does so, Santa faints and falls back onto his cot in his cell. Marshall grabs the cell door and begins shaking it frantically, and yelling “SANTA! SANTA!”.
Yeah, brother, I wasn’t made for the cold. I’m a sunshine man if there ever was one.
Probably why you are so jacked and tan.
You know it, dude. Ah, Santa, I’m so sorry dude, I never wanted this to happen.
I know you didn’t Terry. I know that deep down you’re nice. You’re going through a naughty phase right now, but you’ve got a huge heart and have always been on the nice list. I just hope we get back to the North Pole soon, I can feel my Christmas magic fading.
WHAT!?!
*Marshall jumps from the bench he is sitting on to his feet. As Marshall does so, Santa faints and falls back onto his cot in his cell. Marshall grabs the cell door and begins shaking it frantically, and yelling “SANTA! SANTA!”.
Marshall rushes for the control panel to open the cell door and as he does static pulses across the screen. There is a voice that cuts through the static.
The following announcement has been paid for by the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders.
The static pulses again and fades away to a black-and-white shot of “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall. Marshall sits on a sleigh, wearing a Santa hat, and holding a giant sack of gifts. *
HO, HO, HO, IT’S THE NWO! And old Terry Clause has a giant sack… and a bag full of gifts too. The first gift I have is for none other than that loser Xavier Sucks.
*Marshall reaches into the sack and pulls out a book titled “The Complete Idiots Guide to Pro Wrestling”. Marshall holds the book up and begins laughing. *
First we got the naughty boy Xavier Sucks. Despite being the son of a Hall of Famer, something he never seems to shut up about, Xavier doesn’t seem to know a wristwatch from a wristlock. Xavier tried to put me in the bottom tier of the rumble competitors, but last time we were in the rumble together it was Xavier who was the bottom, my bottom b*tch.
*Marshall begins laughing as he tosses the book over his shoulder and reaches into the bag again. This time Marshall pulls out a fluffy bedazzled shirt. *
I got this for the man doing his best Brian Boitano's impersonation, even though he is more of a Dick Button (yes that is a real figure skater). I figured since J Mont is so lazy to complete any of his names I’d go ahead and complete his figure skating costume for him. J Mont does come in right before me, so don’t be surprised if the male version of Nancy Kerrigan gets Tonya Hardinged by Too Sweet Terry Marshall.
The following announcement has been paid for by the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders.
The static pulses again and fades away to a black-and-white shot of “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall. Marshall sits on a sleigh, wearing a Santa hat, and holding a giant sack of gifts. *
HO, HO, HO, IT’S THE NWO! And old Terry Clause has a giant sack… and a bag full of gifts too. The first gift I have is for none other than that loser Xavier Sucks.
*Marshall reaches into the sack and pulls out a book titled “The Complete Idiots Guide to Pro Wrestling”. Marshall holds the book up and begins laughing. *
First we got the naughty boy Xavier Sucks. Despite being the son of a Hall of Famer, something he never seems to shut up about, Xavier doesn’t seem to know a wristwatch from a wristlock. Xavier tried to put me in the bottom tier of the rumble competitors, but last time we were in the rumble together it was Xavier who was the bottom, my bottom b*tch.
*Marshall begins laughing as he tosses the book over his shoulder and reaches into the bag again. This time Marshall pulls out a fluffy bedazzled shirt. *
I got this for the man doing his best Brian Boitano's impersonation, even though he is more of a Dick Button (yes that is a real figure skater). I figured since J Mont is so lazy to complete any of his names I’d go ahead and complete his figure skating costume for him. J Mont does come in right before me, so don’t be surprised if the male version of Nancy Kerrigan gets Tonya Hardinged by Too Sweet Terry Marshall.
*Marshall throws the outfit down and again reaches into the bag. Marshall pulls out a prescription for penicillin. *
I got this for Rhett Dawson, Sawyer Wade, Maverick Tatum, and Beckett Marisol. I more than anyone can appreciate the innuendo and double entendre of a name like the second coming, but you dudes are running around with a lower class of rat than the Sports Entertainment Xpress would. I saw some nasty, hairy, fat rats in the basement of the Wrestletorrium in my day, but nothing like I’ve seen running around with ATG. ATG, ass to grass? Yeah, I’m turning all your asses to grass, and gonna smoke um up dude.
*Marshall throws the prescription pad at the camera and the papers come loose obstructing the view. As the papers fall the scene has changed, to the front door of a massive house. Two little kids walk up to the house, but all we can see is their backs. They knock on the door, and when the door opens “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall stands in the doorway.
“TRICK OR TREAT!” the kids say, as the view pans around to show one kid dressed as Caleb Scott and another as Ryan Hawkins. Marshall shakes his head. *
You two jabronis always seem to think it is Halloween, well brother it isn’t trick or treat time, it’s Christmas time. The leaves are falling, but the bodies are gonna be falling out of the ring when they get in my way, especially you two Fall Out Boy wannabes. Caleb “Don’t call me the Crow” Scott, how are you television champion? When I see you on TV the only thing I think is, “why do I still pay for cable?”. With Caleb Scott holding the television title Osh should rename it the “change the channel championship”.
His little smokey-eye buddy Ryan Hawkins isn’t much better though. Guy has taken more shots to the face than Jenna Jameson. At least I won’t have to feel back about dumping him on his head at the Ice Crown Rumble.
* “You could never eliminate The Purge,” the kids say in unison. Marshall snarls, grabs the two kids by the collars of their shirts, and tosses them off his porch. The two kids hit the screen causing static to pulse on the screen again. The static fades back to Marshall standing in front of a toy IIW ring filled with action figures of the contestants of the Ice Crown Rumble. *
I guess you can say “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall is pulling a Fred Debinar and playing with myself. But I tell you what brothers, come Ice Crown rumble the cold may cause significant shrinkage for the other jabroni contestants, but Terry Marshall always comes with the sickest pump that can cut through the cold. I’ll be pounding coffee and popping Blue Chew to keep my blood warm and flowing and to keep my pump hard as a rock.
Terry Marshall is coming in to win this rumble brother, it doesn’t matter who steps in my way. Not TTrig-ger Warning.
*Marshall grabs the Trig action figure and tosses it out of the ring. Marshall then begins naming the other entrants and as he does, tosses their figure out the ring. *
Not Mickey O’Ruke, Ryan McCant, J “Nancy Kerrigan” Mony, Crow Scott, Ryan, Eddie “zero” Charisma, Maverick Taint’Um, Xavier Sucks, Curtis Blow, Andre “got no” Cash, Fred Debo-losing-hisphair, Becket “been around more than a carousel” Marisol, Latoya “sucks d*cks” Hixx, Jay-brone Vaughn, Ryan My-Hawkins-Your Mouth, Amadeus Cocks, Bobby Sack, K Jaxs-abroni, A-pathetic, Andy Done-a-hoe, Pecker Done-got-sure-io, The Common Jabroni, Sebastian "less entertaining than the play" Hamilton, Saw-Your Wad, Lame Cain, Ali-ya Lame-son, and most certainly not Rhett Da-Dumb sum b*tch.
*The only figure left is the most expensive, rare, collectible, and sought-after one, the one of "Two Sweet" Terry Marshall. The shot pans up from the figure and back to Marshall who is now set on a throne sculptured from ice, and upon his head is a gold crown encrusted with diamonds. *
You're looking at the new king of ice. You other twenty-nine jabroni peasants can't even touch the foot of my throne. God save THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING!
*Static pulses across the screen again and as it fades the shot is of the Starship Pain as it lands in a snowy tundra just short of a brightly glowing village where Micheal Buble music can be heard in the distance. The large cargo door of the Starship Pain slowly lowers and as it touches down “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall comes running from it carrying Santa in his arms.
Santa seems to be passed out as Marshall has a look of panic and concern on his face. Marshall’s massive legs dig through the snow as he sprints towards the town with Dark Lord, Madness, and the rest of the NWO crew behind him. As they get closer to the town what at first appears to be Ginger Bread houses become clear as forts, and giant candy cane towers as sentry turrets.
“TAKE COVER!” Dark Lord screams, as ice icicles fire like bullets and giant snowballs drop like bombs all around them. As the other members of the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders duck for cover behind snowbanks, Marshall drops his head and continues charging toward the village. Marshall looks down and can see the twinkling in Santa’s eyes begin to brighten as he gets closers.
Just as Marshall is able to make out the twinkling of the Christmas lights in the village, a massive snowball bomb lands beside him, sending Marshall flying and Santa sailing from his arms. Marshall pushes himself to his hands and knees and begins crawling to Santa but as he gets to him he is met by a platoon of armed Elves pointing their weapons at him.
“NO, WAIT!”, Santa yells.
The elves lower their weapons and step aside as Santa slowly limps toward Marshall. As Santa gets closer he collapses to his knees in front of Marshall. *
Terry, my Christmas magic is returning, but I’m too weak to make the run this year. By freeing me, returning me to the North Pole, and risking your life to do so, you have shown a true heart and spirit of Christmas. So, I’m asking you Terry Marshall, with your arms so swole, won’t you drive my sleigh tonight?
*Marshall slowly stands, and as he does offers his hand to Santa. Santa takes Marshall's hand and Marshall helps him to his feet.*
Santa, brother, it would be my honor to make your run for you big dude.
*Santa smiles so brightly, his rosy red cheeks pushed back from his big grin. Santa pulls his jacket off and hands it to Marshall. Marshall hesitates as he looks at the jacket, not sure if he really deserves to wear it, or if he can handle the weight of the job. *
Ho. Ho. Terry, I know the naughty and nice list like no other. I know you are just pretending to be naughty to boost ratings for IIW and sell that sick merch, you are the only one who can fill my snow boots.
HECK YEAH, BROTHER!
*Marshall pulls his boa, and leather jacket off and puts on Santa’s jacket Marshall gets it on, but the arms are extremely tight, in fact, they are too tight for Marshall to even move his arms. *
Uh, brother, I think we got a problem.
HO! HO! HO! OH MY, you can’t drive the sleigh or deliver packages with your arms like that.
*Santa grabs the sleeves of the jacket and rips them off, exposing Marshall's massive arms. Marshall chuckles as he flexes his massive arms. As he does the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders gather around Marshall and Dark Lord pats Marshall on the back. *
Guess we now have a… SANTA WITH MUSCLES!
HO! HO! HO!
*Everyone shares a giant group laugh, as Marshall flexes his massive arms that he will use to drive Santa’s sleigh, put presents down chimneys and under trees, and toss everyone out of the Ice Crown Rumble. *
I got this for Rhett Dawson, Sawyer Wade, Maverick Tatum, and Beckett Marisol. I more than anyone can appreciate the innuendo and double entendre of a name like the second coming, but you dudes are running around with a lower class of rat than the Sports Entertainment Xpress would. I saw some nasty, hairy, fat rats in the basement of the Wrestletorrium in my day, but nothing like I’ve seen running around with ATG. ATG, ass to grass? Yeah, I’m turning all your asses to grass, and gonna smoke um up dude.
*Marshall throws the prescription pad at the camera and the papers come loose obstructing the view. As the papers fall the scene has changed, to the front door of a massive house. Two little kids walk up to the house, but all we can see is their backs. They knock on the door, and when the door opens “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall stands in the doorway.
“TRICK OR TREAT!” the kids say, as the view pans around to show one kid dressed as Caleb Scott and another as Ryan Hawkins. Marshall shakes his head. *
You two jabronis always seem to think it is Halloween, well brother it isn’t trick or treat time, it’s Christmas time. The leaves are falling, but the bodies are gonna be falling out of the ring when they get in my way, especially you two Fall Out Boy wannabes. Caleb “Don’t call me the Crow” Scott, how are you television champion? When I see you on TV the only thing I think is, “why do I still pay for cable?”. With Caleb Scott holding the television title Osh should rename it the “change the channel championship”.
His little smokey-eye buddy Ryan Hawkins isn’t much better though. Guy has taken more shots to the face than Jenna Jameson. At least I won’t have to feel back about dumping him on his head at the Ice Crown Rumble.
* “You could never eliminate The Purge,” the kids say in unison. Marshall snarls, grabs the two kids by the collars of their shirts, and tosses them off his porch. The two kids hit the screen causing static to pulse on the screen again. The static fades back to Marshall standing in front of a toy IIW ring filled with action figures of the contestants of the Ice Crown Rumble. *
I guess you can say “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall is pulling a Fred Debinar and playing with myself. But I tell you what brothers, come Ice Crown rumble the cold may cause significant shrinkage for the other jabroni contestants, but Terry Marshall always comes with the sickest pump that can cut through the cold. I’ll be pounding coffee and popping Blue Chew to keep my blood warm and flowing and to keep my pump hard as a rock.
Terry Marshall is coming in to win this rumble brother, it doesn’t matter who steps in my way. Not TTrig-ger Warning.
*Marshall grabs the Trig action figure and tosses it out of the ring. Marshall then begins naming the other entrants and as he does, tosses their figure out the ring. *
Not Mickey O’Ruke, Ryan McCant, J “Nancy Kerrigan” Mony, Crow Scott, Ryan, Eddie “zero” Charisma, Maverick Taint’Um, Xavier Sucks, Curtis Blow, Andre “got no” Cash, Fred Debo-losing-hisphair, Becket “been around more than a carousel” Marisol, Latoya “sucks d*cks” Hixx, Jay-brone Vaughn, Ryan My-Hawkins-Your Mouth, Amadeus Cocks, Bobby Sack, K Jaxs-abroni, A-pathetic, Andy Done-a-hoe, Pecker Done-got-sure-io, The Common Jabroni, Sebastian "less entertaining than the play" Hamilton, Saw-Your Wad, Lame Cain, Ali-ya Lame-son, and most certainly not Rhett Da-Dumb sum b*tch.
*The only figure left is the most expensive, rare, collectible, and sought-after one, the one of "Two Sweet" Terry Marshall. The shot pans up from the figure and back to Marshall who is now set on a throne sculptured from ice, and upon his head is a gold crown encrusted with diamonds. *
You're looking at the new king of ice. You other twenty-nine jabroni peasants can't even touch the foot of my throne. God save THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING!
*Static pulses across the screen again and as it fades the shot is of the Starship Pain as it lands in a snowy tundra just short of a brightly glowing village where Micheal Buble music can be heard in the distance. The large cargo door of the Starship Pain slowly lowers and as it touches down “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall comes running from it carrying Santa in his arms.
Santa seems to be passed out as Marshall has a look of panic and concern on his face. Marshall’s massive legs dig through the snow as he sprints towards the town with Dark Lord, Madness, and the rest of the NWO crew behind him. As they get closer to the town what at first appears to be Ginger Bread houses become clear as forts, and giant candy cane towers as sentry turrets.
“TAKE COVER!” Dark Lord screams, as ice icicles fire like bullets and giant snowballs drop like bombs all around them. As the other members of the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders duck for cover behind snowbanks, Marshall drops his head and continues charging toward the village. Marshall looks down and can see the twinkling in Santa’s eyes begin to brighten as he gets closers.
Just as Marshall is able to make out the twinkling of the Christmas lights in the village, a massive snowball bomb lands beside him, sending Marshall flying and Santa sailing from his arms. Marshall pushes himself to his hands and knees and begins crawling to Santa but as he gets to him he is met by a platoon of armed Elves pointing their weapons at him.
“NO, WAIT!”, Santa yells.
The elves lower their weapons and step aside as Santa slowly limps toward Marshall. As Santa gets closer he collapses to his knees in front of Marshall. *
Terry, my Christmas magic is returning, but I’m too weak to make the run this year. By freeing me, returning me to the North Pole, and risking your life to do so, you have shown a true heart and spirit of Christmas. So, I’m asking you Terry Marshall, with your arms so swole, won’t you drive my sleigh tonight?
*Marshall slowly stands, and as he does offers his hand to Santa. Santa takes Marshall's hand and Marshall helps him to his feet.*
Santa, brother, it would be my honor to make your run for you big dude.
*Santa smiles so brightly, his rosy red cheeks pushed back from his big grin. Santa pulls his jacket off and hands it to Marshall. Marshall hesitates as he looks at the jacket, not sure if he really deserves to wear it, or if he can handle the weight of the job. *
Ho. Ho. Terry, I know the naughty and nice list like no other. I know you are just pretending to be naughty to boost ratings for IIW and sell that sick merch, you are the only one who can fill my snow boots.
HECK YEAH, BROTHER!
*Marshall pulls his boa, and leather jacket off and puts on Santa’s jacket Marshall gets it on, but the arms are extremely tight, in fact, they are too tight for Marshall to even move his arms. *
Uh, brother, I think we got a problem.
HO! HO! HO! OH MY, you can’t drive the sleigh or deliver packages with your arms like that.
*Santa grabs the sleeves of the jacket and rips them off, exposing Marshall's massive arms. Marshall chuckles as he flexes his massive arms. As he does the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders gather around Marshall and Dark Lord pats Marshall on the back. *
Guess we now have a… SANTA WITH MUSCLES!
HO! HO! HO!
*Everyone shares a giant group laugh, as Marshall flexes his massive arms that he will use to drive Santa’s sleigh, put presents down chimneys and under trees, and toss everyone out of the Ice Crown Rumble. *