Post by Eoin O'Rourke on Dec 22, 2022 8:52:38 GMT
One: What does “one” mean? What does it stand for? Why does one exist? Who made one be a fucking thing?
Stick around and you too may be wondering what the fuck I’m talking about because I didn’t expect to be here as much as the next person after me did so, here we go.
Right, so let's talk about it. One. What is it? Well let us start with the most obvious. One… Is the name of a song from the band Metallica made in 1988 from their album And Justice For All. Anyone who listened to good music back then, or has played Guitar Hero knows this. The second most well known is that one is the first number that has any value. The first number that matters is one. Now one may be asking, who gives a shite? Right, who cares that one is first? Why not two? Or five? Eight? Fucking seventy-six?! Well let me tell you something fella! I bloody care! I give a shite for the first number in the numerical table! And if you don’t care then I’m going to find out who doesn’t and throw your ass into the wood chipper!
Yeah I have a wood chipper, I’m using it to cut one’s out of my life that ruin my points! Now let me get back on track. So one must always remember that one always has value. Unlike zero. Also without one, you can’t have any other number. Like, one plus one. It gives you two. Add another you get three, and repeat again, and again. You see what I’m saying here? Yeah, you do, you learned this in first grade. But what if I told you that one stands for… More than just simple values? What?
I know; a big brain moment from a guy who goes out and head hunts people. Strange moments indeed. So what’s more than values? Binary code? Computer logic? All that crazy stuff that has ones and zeros and whatever? You wanna know the answer to that right? Right? No? You don’t want to know, that's…
-Eoin reaches behind the camera and grabs a little pile of papers and holds them in front of the camera-
That’s incredibly disappointing. Like, I had my writer spend all nighters thinking how many ways I could talk about the number one. For like a half hour. And you’re over on the other side of this camera telling me that you’re not interested?
-Eoin puts his hands on his hips moving his lips around along with his eyes-
Well you know what?
Fuck your interests cause I’m doing it anyway!
-Eoin then throws the papers in the air-
This is my entry in this Ice Rumble and I don’t give a fuck what your feelings are. We’re gonna talk about the number one and you’re gonna like it no matter what! So yeah one has more than just simple value for code, price, numerical placement. There’s things we enjoy having first, or being first in line. Let’s discuss that okay? Okay?
Alright, having first, you know, having the number one. There’s always a fine place to have. It usually results in everyone wanting your head. They look at you, want to remove you from that spot because they believe they should be in first. They want that spot, but most cannot hold it for too long. They’re more likely to drop it back to the person they took it from the moment it arises. Because truth be told: “Those who seek power, are the least deserving.”
That was most definitely a quote I swear. It is however true in my case. I am not the top of the food chain here in IIW, that is evident. However, I do work for the top. Therefore I don’t seek to aim for the number one, because by technical standards I’m already there. Even if some of you refuse to see it, or believe it… *ACHOO!!*... *sniff* Max Stone. Sorry, I’m allergic to asinine comments. I already have the wife of my life, I have steady work from the world champion, and I’m gonna be making bank from every entrant who arrives in the ring with me. So what am I doing this all for?
Honestly? I’m doing this because I caught wind of it after J-Momomoria knocked me out for a three count at Explosion! Some of the lads were talking about it and I kicked Shaun Hart’s door in and wanted entry for myself. Good timing too, because I was pretty much last in line for this whole thing. And boy I was pretty ecstatic when I heard what I was gonna be getting for this. Why am I bringing this up you ask? What do you mean you’re not asking, shut up and admit you are. I bring this up because it’s better to be early and be the first in line. Otherwise you’ll have that one guy stare at you from miles away into your very soul. Guy still haunts mine.
*shudders* Give me the creeps that lad. You should always want to be first. First in line, first in catering, first in parking, first in: get me the fuck out of here before I rip someone’s balls off and shove them their ass. You get it? You got it? Good. Nobody wants to see me at the back of the line. I'll tell you mate heh… By the way have you heard of the number-
Yup we’re back to this fucking number again lads because I can stand here and say it for days because I get paid to do this. Let’s talk about numbers now! And not just one! Hooray! Yay! Yeah…. Let's get it on.
So this Ice Rumble thing right? There's thirty people. One is yours truly, twenty-seven are a bunch of frauds, and three matter to me in my heart. One, my wife, my sweet sweet, wife whose heart is colder than the devil’s. She’s been wanting to crush the souls of some guy’s for a while now, it's what she does. The second is Andy, he and I aren’t SO close, but you know you work for the same fella I do too so, you’re alright ya lovely lad. And third, the person who is deep in my heart, who I care so much for in this Rumble. Someone who I’ve known for quite a while, and I know very well…
It's me. Of course it's me. I mean, who else did you think I was gonna be? Cain? J-Mont? Fucking Debonair? Come on. I love me. You love me too. If you don't, what's wrong with you?
With that in mind, where do we go from here? We have thirty people, three I love, the others suck, and the only way to win is to be the one. It will start with two, then it will grow, as it goes, people will be thrown, and when it will all be said and done, there will be only one person standing, and that person… will be: Number one.
But who is number one? And why will they win this match? Well… Have you seen what number one is capable of? Do you know how athletic they are? You don’t? Good. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what they can do… Or rather, what I can do.
Yeah, that's right. I’m number one. I’m the first entrant. I was one of the last to put my name on that curse wheel and I’m starting this whole fucking show. I’m the one who out of thirty names will be in to outlast everybody. Hell if it comes down to it, and everyone is in the ring at the same time, I’ll still be the last one standing! Why me? And not someone like Caleb Scott or Rhett Dawson? Or not even the other guy who drew number two in Ryan McCannot?! Because I’m fucking
EOIN O’ROURKE!!
I’m the mother fucker who can waltz my way into a match, say fuck you to twenty-nine of these people, not my wife, and still walk away the winner! And I will. I will go out there and take it to every last one of these people, because I have a lot of pent up frustration to blow off. And I would so enjoy getting in there and just ruin some people’s days. I may be tall, but I can outlast everybody. Me being number one, is only the start. I will fight my way past every single person in the match to win it. Because in my heart of hearts, I CAN! Meanwhile people later on could just come in, with their “fresh” attitude going in later, but they won’t be ready to see me throw them back out.
I’ve been robbed, and wronged and played for a fool since I got here, and most of the people here, I haven’t met yet. But for those I have already, they know better. At least they should. But that would be giving them too much credit. This however, will show that for all the times I’ve been robbed of my rightful positions will undo all of that. For those keeping track at home, you know what I mean.
And as much as I love my wife… I’d still protect her and let her win if it was down to me and her. As any rightful husband should. The rewards of that can't be replicated that from a wrestling company folks. But if I cannot prevent her elimination… That mother fucker will wish they were never born, that’s a warning to you lot.
If it is not her time, it is my time. There will be no in between on this. Ireland is great during the winter season, and the Cold of Ireland will ravage all who stand in my way at the Ice Rumble. I will not be denied this time.
Make
Way
Fuckers.