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Post by Shaun Hart on Feb 27, 2023 21:48:07 GMT
( The most anticipated World Title match in IIW history is finally here as the undefeated International Champion Joe Montouri looks to continue to conquer IIW by taking the IIW World Championship away from Cavanagh and take his spot as the MAN of IIW but the current Champion has other plans, as he looks to continue his prestigious Championship run and take Mecca out once in for all, when the dust settles from this immortal clash, who will be the one we call World Champion?)
Main Event
World Heavyweight Championship
Ladder Match
Joe Montouri vs John Cavnagh ©
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Post by The Celtic Club on Mar 8, 2023 13:00:30 GMT
The IIW Netflix stream was interrupted by the sound and sight of static. The scene cut to static, a normal occurrence to the IIW Netflix fanbase, before the static cut out to the vision of a lightbulb. The hum produced by the lightbulb could be heard faintly as the camera panned out and began to “climb down” a ladder…rung by rung. At the halfway point we see the slicked back blonde hair of the current IIW World Champion, “The One Man Dynasty” John Cavanagh. Cavanagh stood there with only his torso in view of the camera.
John Cavanagh: Silence is deafening. I’ve been waiting, gathering my thoughts on exactly what I felt I needed to say to Joe Montuori. We’re all fully aware that there is no love lost in this one. While I was sitting there, reliving the events leading up to Keys 2 Success in my mind I had a little epiphany. You see the overwhelming majority of people enter the IIW with the same exact goal. To be crowned the IIW World Champion. What’s more is a good chunk of that majority also come in saying they’re going to go straight to the top without any speed bumps along the way because they’re the best—I was once one of those people, similar to my opponent at Keys 2 Success. Now, some of those people fall to the way side, some disappear, some find a niche and are eventually content, then even fewer of us mature. That’s right we mature, we blossom, we grow into a finished, polished, fined tuned product ready for all comers. An established star that a promotion can lay their hat on and say “that’s our guy!” To all of those watching at home, raise your hand if you think that guy is Joe Montuori.
Cavanagh imagined the audience was seated in front of him and counted.
John Cavanagh: Yeah, that’s about what I thought. Only hands up would be those of his fellow Mecca members. It’s a sad fact when the only people who have any semblance of belief in your ability are just you, the slut you sleep next to and the other assclowns that follow Shaun Hart around. Pretty sad, pretty pathetic…and how pathetic that situation is, is only exacerbated by the fact that you wholeheartedly believe all of the bullshit that you spew for your oral cavity. Huh, if only I was that blind to the ways of the world I might actually be walking into battle at Keys 2 Success thinking that Joe Montuori has a snowball’s chance in hell of taking the IIW World Championship away from me. Let me break the reality of this situation to you right here, right now J Mont. Johnnie Cav has busted his ass all around the world, in every promotion he entered, to get to the pinnacle of this sport that we call professional wrestling. It took me all of that time, all of that effort, all of that blood, sweat and tears to be able to have the right to strap that beautiful piece of hardware around my waist and I ain’t ready to give up that privilege that quickly. Let me be one hundred percent clear with you, with your glorified escort, with your major benefactor Shaun and all of the other ingrown pubic hairs that believe in your ability–the only way Joe Montuori is leaving Keys 2 Success as the number one wrestler in this business is if he can find a way to take the last breath out of my lungs. That’s right Joey Boy, if you wanna leave with my gold, you’re also going to have to leave a body in that squared circle and to be completely honest with everyone at home–Joe Montuori doesn’t have the testicular fortitude to get that kind of job done…he ain’t built like that!
The World Heavyweight Champion smiled momentarily before continuing.
John Cavanagh: Johnnie Cav and Joe Montuori. Almost seems like we have all been patiently waiting for this encounter for an eternity. We all know that Joey Boy seems to make it feel like an eternity with all of his “when Cav loses” bullshit that he spews. It’s funny how someone who got lucky winning the International Championship in a battle royal on his debut has the balls to call me out like he’s done something special. Boy, we both won that championship on our in-ring debut. We both defended that title multiple times. You ain’t impressing this potato eater with a resume that looks like you clicked copy and paste on mine. But, see, the major issue is–you haven’t done what Johnnie Cav has done yet you seem to think you’re superior. You see this?!
Cavanagh pulled the IIW World Heavyweight Championship within the camera’s view. The diamond encrusted championship glistened in the camera’s light as John looked his prized possession up and down.
John Cavanagh: Everyone that comes to the IIW has their eyes on this. Everyone who has ever shared a locker room with myself knows that when I join a promotion, the top prize is the only thing I give a damn about. Now, I’ll be the first to admit my own personal faults, there was a time in my life where something like this meant little more than extra greenbacks in my pocket. I knew being the top dog gave you bragging rights, I knew being numero uno meant that you were the best at that moment but neither of those facts did anything for good old Johnnie Cav. All Johnnie wanted to do was hoist the top prize in a promotion over his head so that he could double his payout for each match, double his fee to be booked for a meet and greet, double his fee to complete a training session with some up and comers, that’s all those championships were…a bigger payday. But now…
The World Champion clutched the most prized possession in the industry with both hands, he stared down into the golden orb staring him back in the face. It was as if the Irishman was in a trance for a few moments as the scene grew silent.
John Cavanagh: Now, a championship like this holds much more value than just a bigger paycheck. I’ve often been quoted as saying that I’d put a promotion on my back in the past and yes, it had been true multiple times, however, I never did it like this before. See, Joe, Johnnie never carried FCPW or EWF or whatever other bumblefuck promotion you want to mention on his back because he had a passion for it. Johnnie held those promotions on his back because it meant more money in Johnnie’s pocket. Maybe that ain’t noble in the eyes of every person on God’s green Earth but I come from the streets of a capitalist society…this potato eater from the West Side of Manhattan grew up a “have not” on an island ruled by the “haves”. See, J Mont, I knew people like you on my way out of the gutter. I met plenty of them, and to be one hundred percent clear with you, you ain’t no different than the pompous jerk offs that slip twenty dollar bills or better in the hands of their god damned doormen on the Upper East Side! While you lived a life of luxury and afforded the finest things in life good old Johnnie Cav was fighting for his goddamn life! It didn’t matter if it was in school, in the streets, in prison, in a bar or in the motherfucking squared circle it was always a battle for survival. And what did it teach me other than fighting? It taught me a bit of loyalty. It helped me to realize when someone was a loyal person and when someone deserved loyalty. See, me, I DEMAND loyalty.
Johnnie’s shoulders moved up and down ever so slightly as he began to chuckle. He was never the most popular guy in the locker room, and usually for good reason, but he knew damn well where he was wanted.
John Cavanagh: People like you–you get no respect, not one single soul in this profession feels any sense of loyalty to you. Think about it for more than a split second, pull your head out from the cavity search it’s currently undergoing, smell the fresh air and look at everything from a few steps back. Look at The Mecca, the former CCPE. Look at the “loyal” soldiers you’ve had at the ready Joey Boy. Goliath? Guys got the strength of five men but what the hell has he really done for you? Nothing. Bam Miller? You mean the loose cannon, nut job, hired gun that would probably cost you this title match if I tossed a big enough duffel bag in front of him? Yeah, that guy got zero loyalty to anyone. Fred Debonair? I’ve repeated this one ad nauseum but if Fred has the opportunity he will GLADLY take your International Championship in some bullshit fashion just like he did a World Championship from me years ago. The only loyalty that prick knows is an illusion to get closer to his own goals. Axel Shaw? Didn’t that guy lose a match on Combat to Caleb Scott and leave the IIW? Yeah, I guess whatever loyalty he had disappeared when he saw that the competition level might be just a tad too high for him. Justin York? Shit, I feel like I’m beating a dead horse because that bitch ran away TWICE! Yup, no loyalty and no testicles. Shaun Hart? Shaun wants the IIW World Championship in the worst way. The man is out bad like a forty year old virgin at a strip club. He would probably kill his own mother if it meant that someone he was pals with could finally hold the World Championship. For that reason, also add in the fact that you weren’t even his first hand picked candidate to hold this beautiful championship, and I’d say it’s safe to say Shaun also has no loyalty towards you Montuori. Speaking of his first hand picked candidate, ya know, the guy you followed here…he clearly didn’t have enough loyalty to stick around and watch what you were capable of. What’s that leave you, Joe? That leaves you as some rich, arrogant, overzealous, confident for no reason piece of shit who yearns attention on an island all by yourself with no one that you can really count on. Not even that little slut of a fiance you’ve got for yourself.
Hell’s Kitchen’s Favorite Son paused for a moment–was what he said really necessary? Probably not but it sure as hell felt good to say.
John Cavanagh: Now that I can almost feel you seething about that little factoid I just shared with the IIW Universe I can get to what this championship truly means. This championship, as I said, was a prize to attain in order to line my pockets with more money–that is until the day I strapped it around my waist for the first time. The moment that happened, in the enemy territory of Detroit, everything changed. For the first time in my lengthy career I finally realized what I actually held in my hands. I held a prize that men sweat for, cry for, bleed for and sacrifice EVERYTHING to have! I finally got to strap the most prestigious prize in the world of professional wrestling around my waist and I’m not afraid to be honest with myself…it felt a hell of a lot better than I could have ever imagined. Now, Joe, you should think about the words that I’m saying, fully comprehend the knowledge that I’m dropping on your inept ass, because if you take a few moments to fully analyze what I’m saying you’ll know the truth of the matter is–you’re fucked. See, when I won this championship I was only motivated to cut cancer out of this promotion. Winning the championship, the extra purse money, the glory? All that shit came secondary to ridding this organization of the invasive disease that threatened to destroy it from the inside out. Goal was accomplished, but the prize I received was infinitely better than the goal I set out to achieve. Now, I sit here having been champion for six months and change and I gotta say–being the face of this promotion is pretty goddamn rewarding. Being the man to hoist this championship above his head, strap it around his waist, polish it after each show…it’s an honor that should only be bestowed upon those who have earned it and I will gladly inform you, Montuori, you ain’t earned shit in your life.
The leader of The Celtic Club began to rub his chin as he contemplated where he wanted to take his promo next. He had some strong feelings about the “haves”, and by extension he had some strong feelings about Joe Montuori.
John Cavanagh: While you were living your life of luxury all you learned was that things could be handed to you. That’s why you act the way you do today. All that glitz and glamor, the new cars, the diamond studded Rolexes, the chains, enough pyro to keep Phantom Fireworks in business for the next ten years at each show…ya know what it all screams? Look at me, I’m an insignificant douche bag with a micropenis BUUUUUUUT look at all this money!!!!!!!! That’s all you are. Some trust fund baby who only got as far as he did in life because mommy and daddy set him up good and proper. You know the problem with that kind of life, Joey Boy? You don’t know how to struggle, you never learned survival tactic, you don’t possess adversity in your being and what’s more you probably don’t even know what the word means without flipping through the pages of Merriam-Webster. The type of kid who grew up thinking he was cool and rebellious by swapping out the “S” at the conclusion of a word for a “Z”. It’s quite apparent how hard you’ve tried to be accepted throughout your life, you’re forty-one goddamn years old and you still spell your nickname, Twizted Thoughtz, with the letter “Z” as if that makes you special. You claim to be special, you claim to be dominant, you spew all sorts of nonsensical bullshit out of that cock holster that you call a mouth and yet it all sounds the same–the random ramblings of a man who NEVER had to earn a goddamn thing in his life so he has nothing to stand on. Even at this very moment, you’ve attempted to take over the place of another overrated sack of shit and become the apple of Shaun Hart’s eye. I mean maybe I’m absent minded or something of the sort but, please, for the love of everything Holy, J Mont, can you tell me where in the hell it is you come off thinking that you holding MY IIW World Championship is some kind of foregone conclusion?
Johnnie Cav tilted his head slightly upwards staring up at the light cascading down upon him.
John Cavanagh: Now that I’ve actually sat back and thought about all of this and let’s not forget that I’ve also gone through the painstaking effort of outlining it for the entirety of the IIW faithful–we’ve got non-loyal, never had to struggle for anything Joe Montuori ready to bring his smug ass down that aisle, step into that squared circle and face off against the man who commands loyalty, the man who has struggled from nothing to the pinnacle of this goddamn promotion, the IIW World Heavyweight Champion, and that World Champion is going to beat the ever loving piss out of this lackluster, at best, challenger! That’s right, J Mont, usually right about now is when good old Johnnie Cav starts to talk up his opponent a little bit. I did it with El Landerson, with Blade Alexander, somehow I found some positive things to highlight with Crush and even fucking Ryan Hawkins got put over a bit by my words. Quick side note, I’ve got to admit, I’ve never had this much respect for a man that speaks to a doll as I do right now for Ryan Hawkins–he beat the shit out of me in that match, unfortunately for him his best wasn’t quite enough to take down the IIW’s Final Boss. This is normally where I would tell the entire world about how Joe Montuori is going to push me to the limit, how it is going to take every ounce of talent that I possess within my body to retain the IIW World Heavyweight Championship next Sunday night at Keys 2 Success but the reality of the situation is–this guy is a talentless sack of shit. Shall I begin to introduce the evidence to show that Mr. Montuori is nothing more than a flaming turd doused in gasoline? Why the fuck not?!
Cavanagh chuckled to himself momentarily before beginning the following part of his promo.
John Cavanagh: So, where did J Mont come from again? Oh yeah, he was one of the douchebags that decided to follow that “Chronic” guy into the IIW. Ya know, I gotta introduce Exhibit A to the court at this point–anyone who follows a guy nicknamed “Chronic” is already starting behind the proverbial 8 ball. Why you may ask? “Chronic” has got to be one of the least creative monikers in the history of this profession, and trust me this profession has had more than its fair share of shitty aliases, but when the best you can come up with is naming yourself after a Dr. Dre album from 1992, let’s just say it shows that you’re at least thirty years behind the times. With that being said, we’ve now got a follower of a man who is thirty years out of touch with society. Well, that’s strike one against Joe Montuori. I’m a baseball guy so that makes this an 0-1 count. Next pitch, the newest piece of evidence, Joe Montuori being the newest handpicked World Champion for Shaun Hart. Let’s not harp on this one as much, since I already went into it. Matter of fact, fuck that shit, I’ll call that one a ball just because I already touched on it. So, after Exhibit B, that puts us at a 1-1 count–a ball that that was a questionable call from Angel Hernandez but a ball nonetheless. For the kiddos at home who have no clue who Angel Hernandez is, ya know all the guys who ate paint chip Cheerios growing up mostly I’m speaking to J Mont and the fellow members of The Mecca, use your Face ID to unlock your iPhone, open up Safari, go to Google and type in “Angel Hernandez botched calls” you’ll figure it out quick enough as long as you’ve got oxygen reaching your brain.
The Irishman paused for a moment, staring towards the ground–it was as if he had a momentary epiphany. A smirk developed along the right side of his face.
John Cavanagh: Maybe I shouldn’t give J Mont, Shaun and the rest of the shitheads in The Mecca enough credit–we all know that some of them only inhale and exhale because they’ve got those instructions playing on a constant loop on their AirPods. God forbid an ogre like Goliath misplaced those AirPods, poor guy is going to suffocate to death. Well, back to the wonderful world of wrestling meeting baseball in a court of law I guess. What are we at now? A 1-1 count right? Well, J Mont, don’t get too excited because the next two pitches are going to leave you frozen and/or buckled at the knees. Exhibit C, the fact that just two shows away from Keys 2 Success J Mont and Shaun Hart found themselves needing to book “The One Man Dynasty” in a match against Ryan Hawkins. Now, this wasn’t just any match against Ryan Hawkins mind you, oh hell no, why in the blue hell would Shaun Hart and J Mont stoop to such novice levels of fuckery? The two blithering morons took their collective brain power–and by that I do mean that every single member of The Mecca and their little cum guzzlers put their brains together and decided that Johnnie Cav would not only face off against a sick mutt like Ryan Hawkins a month before a huge title defense but that Johnnie Cav would also have to defend that World Championship against Ryan Hawkins and that creepy doll he walks around with. Sounds to me like Shaun and Joe were getting a little nervous in the build up to Keys 2 Success. Sounds to me as if Shaun and Joe were attempting to do everything in their power to soften up the guy who just so happens to be the biggest challenge that Joe Montuori is ever going to have, the guy who just so happens to have grown into the biggest thorn in Shaun Hart’s side. See that one, it was right down the pipes, belt level, clear as day…strike motherfuckin’ two! That makes this a 1-2 count, Joe. Since you’re a New Yorker, I know you get the baseball analogy but for anyone who doesn’t get it yet–J Mont got his back up against the wall, one more strike and his bitch ass gets to take the walk of shame back to the dugout and sit down until his next opportunity at the plate.
John winds up and mimics the delivery of a pitch off the mound. His arm comes flying down across his body, he snaps his wrist and his arm seems to cut across his body as if he is slicing himself.
John Cavanagh: Well, Exhibit C was a heater down the pipes–no doubt about it. Exhibit D, it’s going to make you buckle at your knees and look like a moron…just like any good curveball ought to do. That’s right, strike three is about to come on a curveball–the same curveball you and Shaun Hart figured would signal the end of John Cavanagh’s reign atop of this industry! Just a few days after it was announced that I would be putting the World Championship on the line against Ryan Hawkins, Shaun Hart couldn’t help himself but attempt to abuse his power even further–he added Joe Montuori to that World Championship match as none other than the special guest referee. The special guest referee?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You morons in The Mecca couldn’t come up with anything better than that? J Mont gets to put on the stripes, be an authority figure and basically, if he was intelligent enough, find a way to take that championship off of me and put it on Ryan Hawkins? Let’s think about why someone like Joe, someone like Shaun, would be interested in such a proposal. Could it be because both of them knew, wholeheartedly, that they had an exponentially better opportunity to have the reign of Joe Montuori occur if he faced off against Ryan Hawkins at Keys 2 Success instead of Johnnie Cav? Well, I think that curveball y’all tossed me–pretty sure that was a crappy pitch because it just hung there. My eyes blew up like that pitch was a big ass beachball, I took my swing and sent your guys’ little curveball flying over the wall in dead center…that’s a dinger, baby! How did you react to your opportunity? You failed! At the end of that edition of Monday Night Mayhem, good old Johnnie Cav was still walking out of the arena as the IIW World Heavyweight Champion. So, when that curveball came in during your at bat, you froze, you stared at it and your knees buckled and then that motherfucker dropped perfectly in the strike zone. What happened to J Mont’s opportunity at winning the mind games leading up to the World Championship? Big old K! The dumbass struck out with the bases loaded trying to hit a homerun when all he needed was a single to get the job done. Sometimes, it’s best to know your capabilities so that you are better able to understand your place in the world. Unfortunately for you, Joey Boy, I don’t think you possess the prerequisite amount of brain cells to fully comprehend what you are–an upper mid carder trying to swim with the big fish in the main event scene. Sorry buddy but you’re going to be in way over your head come next Sunday night at Keys 2 Success.
The Irishman begins to mimic the motion of treading water with his arms as he smiles.
John Cavanagh: I hope that you’re a bit better versed in the art of keeping your head above the water than you are in the world of professional wrestling, Joe, because its clear to me and anyone else with two brain cells to rub together that you aren’t as big of a deal as you make yourself out to be. Are you the International Champion? Yes, of course, that’s an accomplishment no one can ever take away from you and it’s also an accomplishment I would never attempt to take away from you. But the method in which you earned it? That’s a different story. See, Joe, you got lucky in that battle royal when you debuted. It’s quite a bit easier to hide in a corner, lay on the mat and make a strike when the perfect situation arises. You didn’t pin anyone, you didn’t force anyone into submission–you just happened to be the last one in the ring after everyone else flew over the top rope. That’s great and all, and yes of course, it is a victory, but it ain’t nothin’ special. Let me know when you pin or submit a guy like Andy Donahue, not when you watched some other guys work together to get the behemoth over the top! That’s what I’m getting at, Joe, you’ve legitimately done absolutely nothing since walking into the IIW locker room and yet you think you’re hot shit. Maybe it’s Shaun Hart gassing you up, maybe it’s your upbringing, maybe it was Shaun’s last hand picked champion making you think you were an integral part of his plan of domination, maybe it’s because you came in the promotion after Justin York and have outlasted him even if you count both of that little shit’s runs in this company! Maybe the reality of the situation is that Joe Montuori is just as good as the morons he surrounds himself with. Maybe that’s what it all boils down to in the end, Joey Boy. They say that birds of a feather flock together–nothing more obvious than that when you look at the loyalty that exists between myself, Andy, Trig and Eoin. The Celtic Club is a fluid fucking unit working together to ensure that only THE BEST of the best rise to the top here in the IIW. The brazen disregard for competition, the blank faced doofiness, the lack of knowledge of the way the IIW really works–all of those attributes seem to fit Joe Montuori, Shaun Hart and all of the other rejects in The Mecca perfectly. So, now, with all of that being said, the new question I have to pose to the IIW faithful is…what will become of Joe Montuori after good old Johnnie Cav shows him what we all are already fully aware of…that he can’t hang with the IIW World Heavyweight Champion!
The blonde haired Irishman stared into the camera at the utterance of his last syllable. He thought for a moment where he wanted to go next but it was obvious…
John Cavanagh: So, after I beat you at your own game, after I pin your shoulders to the mat for the count of three, after good old Johnnie Cav hoists the IIW World Heavyweight Championship above his head in victory at Keys 2 Success–what’s next for Joe Montuori? Will “Twizted Thoughtz” pack up his bag for the last time that night, exit the arena, never to be seen again? Will Joe Montuori prove me wrong and show the entire world that he is the only person to ever be associated with the CCPE who actually had a pair of testicles in his nutsack and stick around to defend that International Championship or will we have another bullshit battle royal to try and clean up another mess left by CCPE, The Mecca and whatever the next iteration of these miserable sacks of shit is called? Tell us Joey Boy, I’m sure you’re already one hundred percent aware of what your next move is once you fail to win the IIW Championship from me. I’m sure you’ve got your excuse and escape plan ready to go for the last few months ever since you won that Ice Crown Battle Royal. So I guess the real question we should all be asking is a direct quote from one of the greatest poets in the history of our industry–who’s next?
Cavanagh chuckled for a moment. Goldberg, a poet? Maybe in some alternate dimension where the sky is purple and clouds are made of cotton candy.
John Cavanagh: But for real, Shaun, maybe you could fill the rest of us in on who the next opponent will be? I mean you’ve taken that revolver, pointed it at the most prized possession in our industry once and missed with a bullet labeled “Chronic” and now you’re about to take your second shot and miss with a bullet labeled “J Mont”. What’s that leave in that six shooter you got there, boy? What you got left? A bullet labeled “Goliath”, one named “Bam”, one with the word “Debonair” and what…one that has your name etched on it? It looks like you’re starting to run out of bullets to aim at the champ with. It looks like after I pin J Mont and send him to the locker room, another Shaun Hart failure, you’re going to be stuck in some shitty situation trying to elect another one of your buddies to challenge for the World Championship. So, who’s it going to be, Shaun? I think it’s painstakingly obvious that the best opportunity you’ve got after this mutt fails is my old friend Fred Debonair. But, is that a shot even worth taking for you? Fred has failed so many goddamn times elsewhere and here in the IIW that it almost makes zero sense to put Debonair and Cavanagh on a poster together again. Notice the choice of verbiage, almost. I know the deal, it’s a money maker, it’s a proven attraction–great, I’ll beat Fred Debonair until he forgets his son, Tyler, even exists. Then when he’s done I’ll ask for Goliath or Bam or whatever other dim witted bastard you’re able to convince to do your bidding for you, Shaun. Actually, check that, maybe after I finish off Joe, Fred and the other two idiots you’ve got–maybe you’ll do us all a favor. Maybe you’ll designate yourself number one contender and give me a little bit of time in the squared circle with you. Imagine what good old Johnnie Cav could do if he was given five minutes alone in the ring with Shaun Hart. Hell, the fanbase will be rejoicing if nothing else, we all know if that happens Shaun Hart will be a guest of a lengthy hospital stay. But maybe, just maybe, it’s a thought to entertain, Shaun. You know the old expression, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself–maybe that is my purpose here. Maybe the purpose of John Cavanagh being in the IIW wasn’t to win the World Championship, maybe it wasn’t to elevate the talent level in this promotion, maybe it was just to teach Shaun Hart a lesson that, for anyone who had to struggle a bit in life, is common sense.
Johnnie mimicked a mental explosion as he outstretched his hands from the temples of his head.
John Cavanagh: Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t trying to flip this and make it all about Shaun Hart rather than Joe Montuori but let’s face it–everything surrounding this championship I proudly hold has been about Shaun Hart since the moment Russell Wayne had to vacate it due to injury. First he wanted to hand it off to the Chronic Masturbator, then he tried to fuck me over and get the title on that scrawny little punk Justin York, then he did everything he could do to make sure Brian Adams and Bryan Clark left Detroit Rock City as the World Champion, and now he’s hoping this spoiled, rich kid can somehow blossom into a take no bullshit man overnight. Sorry to break it to you Shaun, but that shit ain’t happening…not on my watch at least! Maybe if one of those IIW Originals like Jonny C or Jay Vaughan were holding the strap you could get it onto one of your boys but I don’t take loses that easily. I don’t cower in the face of adversity, I don’t say “ah, fuck it” when the chips are stacked up against me–this motherfuckin’ potato eater from Hell’s Kitchen, New York LOVES that kind of shit! See, if somebody corners Joe Montuori with a handgun and puts it to his head, he is the type of guy who is going to try and slick talk his way out and if all else fails he’s going to try and bribe his way out of the situation. Me? I’m the crazy type of bastard to pull the gun up to the forehead on my skin, until I can feel the cool steel and then tell the would-be gunman–pull it if you’ve got the balls. Why? Because people like me like the hot seat, people like me were built and developed on that kind of pressure, a man like Johnnie Cav relishes in shitty situations and makes the best of it–just as I’ve done each and every single time Shaun Hart tries to toss another curveball in my direction! People like Joe Montuori, they’re the punks that think they run society. I’m the Steve Jobs, Bill Gates kind of guy…I give society something they never knew they needed…a REAL World Champion! Joey Boy, he’s the Elon Musk type, the Donald Trump type, the guy who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and thinks that somehow, some way he happens to know what everyone else should have done to get to the spot he’s at. See, J Mont, you can sit around and post as many GIFs of you holding two championships as you want to Twitter–it’s all some bullshit dream you’ve concocted in that lump located three feet above your ass. It’s a miracle that you’ve got enough gray matter to produce enough energy to even conjure up such a far-fetched situation as Joe Montuori defeating Johnnie Cav and leaving as both the International and World Champion. See, buddy, I’m gonna break this to you–I once believed that I too could leave an IIW pay-per-view holding both the top and secondary men’s singles championships but some asshole named Fred Debonair decided to trip me which allowed Jake E. Dangerously to retain his championship.
John took a deep breath. It wasn’t all that long ago that Fred Debonair’s interference had led John to dive off of the deep end, something Fred and the rest of the professional wrestling world hadn’t seen since the days of Fearless Championship Wrestling over a decade ago.
John Cavanagh: Now, without me getting any further agitated regarding that situation…I’m going to drop it. Point being, Joey Boy, being a double champion is much more than some pipe dream that you thought of while you and your little smut of a fiance sucked on a glass dick together. Or maybe it’s that little prositi-tot that got you believing you can actually reach the pinnacle of this industry. Like I’ve said to the other little boys that run around pretending to be men, ya know your old buddy that couldn’t quite cut the mustard around these parts, it doesn’t matter what you’ve been able to get done in some other promotion–all that shit is immaterial around here. People like you, him and the others can bitch and moan all you want, you can try and convince the rest of the IIW Universe that what you’ve done elsewhere has even the slightest bit of meaning but in the end…your arguments will fall upon deaf ears, they will bear no fruit when you realize that everyone you’ve faced in your career, up until this point, can’t hold a candle to Johnnie Cav on his worst day while they’re on their best. I told it to Shaun’s first hand picked champion, beat him and he tucked his tail between his legs and ran off into the sunset–an animal with a very large, very damaged ego. So, since he was Shaun’s number one pick, and therefore was viewed as superior to you when you first put your John Hancock on an IIW contract, what in the blue hell makes you feel as if you’ve since leapfrogged your old master?
The Irishman’s head shook back and forth in disbelief. The CCPE had everything lined up perfectly, all the stars were aligned, but yet they were unable to win the vacant World Championship when it came down to their leader facing off against the IIW’s Final Boss. All Cavanagh wanted to know was what bug crawled up Joe Montuori’s ass to make him believe number two, or three when you put Cavanagh into the mix, could possibly become number one at Keys 2 Success–just didn’t make any sense.
John Cavanagh: See, it really doesn’t matter what way you slice it, Joey. Look at the way we both came up in this industry, the lives we lived prior to entering this profession, our accomplishments, the company we keep, hell, we could even take a look at the way each of us wound up in this very main event matchup at Keys 2 Success. No matter what method you want to use to compare Johnnie Cav and Joe Montuori you can easily see that we are both built extremely differently. While one of us has shown the world that we can surely not only survive but thrive in less than desirable circumstances, the other one has only been able to show that he can thrive off of the hard work of others. Joey Boy, you can tell everyone how great you are until you’re blue in the face but the issue is, nobody believes it. It’s not that nobody believes it because we all think we are superior to you, it’s not that nobody believes you because you’re an annoying, arrogant, undeserving prick, it’s that nobody believes you because every time you speak you prove how much of a moron you truly are. Every time you have an idea, it just so happens to backfire. Shit, now that I think of it…it's pretty much a miracle that you can even find your way onto the airplane to get to the next show–or does the trust fund baby also pay someone to keep track of his own schedule? How are you going to win the IIW World Championship when this place isn’t even important enough for you to make it your primary home.
Johnnie pulled his hand up and smacked himself on his forehead to break his train of thought for a moment.
John Cavanagh: Maybe that's why you haven't uttered a syllable. Maybe that's it. You must be too caught up in all of the other bullshit underqualified people like you sign themselves up for. I had a lot of time to read once upon a time so I did a little reading on some of history's greatest empires and you know why they all fail in the end? They spread themselves a bit too thin. When the Roman Empire had soldiers in Africa, Europe and Asia it was clear they didn't have the manpower to maintain their empire. Same with the British, the Soviets and possibly one day the Americans. The thing is, I don't spread myself thin. I'm not The Mecca, I'm not a CCPE shithead, I go to were I'm needed and I dominate. I do what I gotta do to elevate not just myself, not just the promotion but every single talent that shares that locker room with myself. You? You're just the type of guy to say "look at what I've got" if you win the belt and then, ya know, promptly forget the importance of the championship you hold. This belt doesn't deserve to be degraded like that, and you don't deserve to have that accomplishment. See you on Sunday, shithead.
The scene cut to static.
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Post by jmonttwizted on Mar 8, 2023 17:24:39 GMT
[Wembley Stadium may have opened on March 9th, 2007, but that's not the date that it will be remembered for. March 12th, 2023 is going to be the date everyone remembers when they think of Wembley Stadium. And if you have been under a rock and have no idea about this date, then you are dumber than Jazz from the Fresh Prince. This particular date is the biggest PPV that the IIW has to offer.]
KEYS 2 SUCCESS
[And the reason that this date is going to be remembered forever is because everyone is going to witness the home grown talent of John Cavanagh lose the World Title in a ladder match. And the man that is going to be standing on the top of the ladder, holding the World Title, looking down at the bloody Cavanagh is none other than J Mont himself. Place your bets and make your money. If you are past due on your car payment or your electricity is about to get cut off, take whatever remaining money you have, and place your bet on J Mont to win the World Title. You are going to be able to cash out after, and catch up on your bills and have some leftover to get ahead of the game.]
[And speaking of games, J Mont has been playing one with Cavanagh for quite some time now. Even before the Ice Crown Rumble, J Mont has been lobbying for the chance to get into the ring with Cavanagh, but only to be denied. And what was the reason? Rumors swirled around that J Mont hadn’t earned it yet. So, being undefeated and International Champ wasn't enough reason for Cavanagh to accept the challenge. Friends and family of J Mont know deep down that Cavanagh didn't want to step into the ring with J Mont. He knew that his reign in the IIW would come to an end. He knew that any power he had left would be gone. So, he left J Mont with no choice but to enter the Ice Crown Rumble and do the damn thing. And that is what exactly happened. And if you took the advice of J Mont who said to bet the house on him, then you are rolling in money right now. And, you are getting a second chance if you missed the first time betting on J Mont. Listen to what J Mont is saying. Clean the ear wax out of your ears and listen carefully. J Mont said he was going to win the Ice Crown Rumble and he did. J Mont said he was going to beat Max Stone and he did. J Mont said he was going to win the handicap match against the tag champs and he did. Do you see a pattern? J Mont only speaks the truth, and that will not stop now. Winning the World Title is just as important as staying undefeated and setting records.]
[And speaking of records, Wembley Stadium has some when it comes to their attendance. In football, you had Cardiff City versus Portsmouth. In a music concert, you had Ed Sheeran. In Boxing, you had Tyson Fury versus Dillian Whyte. In the NFL, you had the Denver Broncos versus the Jacksonville Jaguars. All of those were truly great records for their sport, but that will be nothing compared to when the IIW and the Keys 2 Success comes to town, thanks to J Mont and The Mecca. 90,000 people are going to witness the dawn of a new era in the IIW. A Hostile Takeover is taking place right before your eyes.]
[And when J Mont steps foot off the private jet, there will be no more of who is the most famous person in England. You will be looking at him. You can sit there and say Rory McIlroy is the leader of the pack, something that Cav thinks he is as well. But, what we have here is Cav is more like Shooter McGavin. Was on cruise control, until a TRUE challenge came across which will be J Mont aka Happy Gilmore. You have to get this, and if you don’t, just run head first into a wall. McGavin loses the big one just like Cav is about to do in the ladder match with J Mont. No more World Title just like no gold jacket for Shooter. And that brings us to Anthony Joshua, the former 3 belt champion and the man in England. Once again, he reminds us all of Cav. On top of the World and claiming no one can beat him until a TRUE challenge arises. Here comes Oleksandr Usyk aka J Mont. Joshua lost a 12 round, unanimous decision to Usyk. So, there was a NEW champion as Johsua sat there in the corner in disbelief. Once again, another great comparison here as Joshua who is Cav, runs his mouth once too many times and feels the wrath of Usyk aka J Mont gets the win and the title. And let’s finish this off with Lewis Hamilton who has been winning race after race until some new challengers came onto the track. Now he is in a small slump trying to get back on track. And this sounds like the future for Cav as well. Finally meeting a TRUE challenge in J Mont, the same fate is going to happen. Cav is going to lose the World Title, and then start to run around in circles trying to figure out what to do next because J Mont will be on the top of the IIW while Cav will be looking up in defeat. I know you are catching the drift here. There are many famous people from England that thought they were on the top of the world until that TRUE challenge approached them. They couldn't handle the pressure and the heat in the kitchen and their reign ended. Cav may not be from England, but he might as well be because he is going to suffer the same fate as all of these men.]
[Which brings us to the sound of keys being pushed on a laptop. And this is not just any kind of laptop. This is a MacBook Air Supreme. And what does that mean? For starters, if you can afford to spend 500K, then you can own this laptop. This comes in a solid platinum case and weighs around 14 pounds. And the man that is typing away is none other than J Mont himself. Come on now. You had to know this because who would throw that much money away on a laptop? Definitely not Cav because he is still stuck in the AOL days when it comes to technology.] Mia: Babe, are you going to have your head in that laptop all day?
J Mont: Just handling some business that I need to get done.
Mia: I'm sure you can take a break and don't have a deadline.
J Mont: I kind of do because I need to get this posted as soon as I can.
Mia: What are you working on babe?
J Mont: Just some IIW stuff that I need to have done for the trip to England.
Mia: Ahhhh, where you are fighting that Tommy Cavanagh guy?
[J Mont’s just starts laughing.] J Mont: Babe, it's John Cavanagh. You must have just watched the movie Grown Ups, because that is where Tommy comes from.
Mia: I think you are right. I heard the name Cavanagh and saw a little bitch back down from a challenge so i just assumed it was the same guy.
J Mont: Well, you got that part right for sure.
Mia: Babe, are you sure his name is John and not Tom?
J Mont: Yes love. I know who I am fighting. John Cavanagh. JOHN!
Mia: You sure he's not on Providence and Scrubs?
J Mont: Yes babe. For starters, he's not Canadian. And second, he cannot act. You're getting the last name mixed up.
Mia: Ahh, Tom….John…..they are both Scrubs!
[Mia and J Mont start to laugh together at this little back and forth conversation.] Mia: [The next words out of her mouth are about to be sung.]
How I needed you
How I grieve now you're gone.
In my dreams I see you.
I awake so alone.
And somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And somehow I knew you would leave me
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
Oh I wish, I wish you could have stayed
[J Mont looks at Mia very confused. She sounded great, but the words were kind of depressing.]
J Mont: Ummmm babe. I don't know where you are going with this.
Mia: One last Goodbye!
J Mont: You're leaving me?
Mia: No you dumbass. Have you ever heard of the band Anathema?
J Mont: Antarctica?
Mia: NO! They are a band of Vincent, Daniel and Jamie Cavanagh.
J Mont: I have no idea if they are related or not Mia.
Mia: After listening to that song, I know they are. They are singing about how Johnny Boy is going to lose his World Title and be all alone. Having a hard time dealing with this.
J Mont: You really looked this up?
Mia: I learned from the best, and that's your love.
[J Mont gets off the stool he was sitting on and walks over to Mia. He gives her a big kiss and picks her up off the ground with a handful of ass. The kisses aren't stopping until you can hear some crying in the background.] Mia: I guess Baby G is up from her nap.
J Mont: That’s ok babe. I need to finish this so I can spend some time with you guys.
Mia: I will get Baby G and you finish up.
[Mia walks away and down the hallway to attend to Baby G. That leaves J Mont to get back to what he was doing. And if you zoom in on the laptop, you will see something that might leave you confused or wondering what is going on in the head of J Mont. The website that is open is……]
MATCH.COM
[Does J Mont realize how much child support would cost him if Mia left? And why ruin something that is so pure and real with Mia for a chick online? Hopefully, there is more to this story.] J Mont: This is going to be great! Cav has no idea who he is fucking with. He has never met a man like me who can play the game like no other. Game on BITCH!
[As J Mont tries to continue on the site, a privacy notice pops up with a bunch of gibberish and then an accept button. Not reading any of it, J Mont hits accept and it brings him to the first part of the application.]
Who are you interested in? I am a man seeking a Woman
Between ages: 21-55
Zip Code: 10018
[The next page pops up after that information was loaded.]
Birthday: 02/02/1983
First Name: John
Last Name: Cavanagh
Password: JMontownsme187
Height: 6’1
Weight: 245
Relationship Status: Single- but buy eggplant on the regular.
Do you have Kids: I would have to have sex with someone, so that's a no.
Do you want Kids: If someone will sleep with me, then yes!
What's your education: Devry University Online
Do you Smoke: I will after I lose to J Mont!
Do you Drink: You see my belly, so Yes. But I will be an alcoholic after J Mont defeats me!
Religion: Jmontism
What makes you the Happiest: When I can watch Connor McGregor fight because that body is a work of art. I would lick the sweat off his back and massage his quads for him if he gave me the chance.
Pick a topic to show off the real you: The streets of New York City because that is how I grew up. My dad got locked up for good so I had to go to the streets to survive. I learned how to get my ass kicked very well and lose money playing dice.
Any other notes: I promise whoever gives me the chance, they will be happy with their decision. I am very easy to boss around and will do whatever you pretty much say. I will spend money on you and you can cheat on me. You can smack me around. You can pretty much do what you want to and with me as long as I can change my facebook status to be in a relationship with a picture of us.
[J Mont saves all the information and all that is left is to send it to Match.com for their final approval, so they can post it up and activate the account. Then we can finally find a good match for Cav, because he is going to have a lot of time on his hands once he is not the World Champion anymore.] J Mont: A perfect match for Cav in my eyes is EOin O’Rourke. They can enjoy some Celtic club action. Cav can play with EOin’s little club and hope he can at least satisfy him because Cav has a lot of making up to do with his boys for losing the World Title.
[Out of nowhere, Mia reappears with Baby G Mont in her arms. Mia walks over and places Baby G into her high chair. She then walks over to the refrigerator and opens it up, grabbing the bottle she already had made for Baby G. She stands the bottle up on her little table attached to the high chair. Baby G grabs the bottle and starts to drink it. Struggling a little bit, but she is getting her milk on. J Mont looks over at Baby G and just smiles.] J Mont: We made a pretty girl.
Mia: Thank god she takes after me.
J Mont: She has my eyes, nose and smile. All she has of yours is maybe the hair and attitude.
Mia: Excuse me? Do you want to get sacked like the last QB I hit in the Ladies Football League?
J Mont: Hit me baby. I'm ready for your abuse.
Mia: You are sick in the head sometimes.
[At that moment, J Mont’s phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and its Cousin Giuseppe.] J Mont: I need to take this call. It’s my cousin. I will be right back.
Mia: Tell him I said hi, and i have a friend i want to introduce him too.
[J Mont nods his head as he walks away from his laptop that he left open. Baby G is preoccupied with her bottle, while J Mont is in the other room on a call. That leaves Mia wondering just what is on that laptop. She trusts her man, but the laptop being open is calling her name. Does she invade J Mont’s privacy and see what is up, or just let it be?]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
[Mialooks around like she is about to rob the place and slowly walks towards the laptop. She then pretends to trip, as her right hand hits the laptop. She has to fix it so it doesn't look out of place when J Mont comes back. But by doing that, it gave her a chance to see what was on there. And if you think 180/110 blood pressure is bad, you haven't seen anything yet. Mia’s face is so red, you would think she painted it red for Halloween to be a Skittle. She smack hand hard on the counter and it startles Baby G. She checks on the Baby who is ok now that she got a little attention. Mia gets back to the laptop and cannot believe her eyes.]
Mia: This son of a bitch wants to meet new girls.
[Mia is in such disbelief, that she doesn't know what to do. But being the firecracker she is, she is not going to wait around. She pushes Baby G in the high chair towards the room where J Mont is having a conversation on the phone. Leaving Baby G outside the door, she opens it so fast that the door bounces off the back wall. J Mont turns around in total shock.] J Mont: What the heck Mia?
Mia: You fuckin cheater. You scumbag! That is probably not even your cousin on the phone.
J Mont: Have you lost your damn mind? It’s Giuseppe on the phone.
[Mia walks over to J Mont and chops his arm down and grabs the phone.] Mia: Who the fuck is this? What is your name bitch?
Cousin Giuseppe: Hey Mia! I'm not a bitch and it's Giuseppe.
[Mia is now embarrassed because Giuseppe heard all of her comments and the loud noises.] J Mont: See babe. Damn! You don't trust me?
Mia: It’s just……..
[J Mont grabs the phone back from her.] J Mont: Hey Cuz, i will call you back later so we can set up that international wire!
[J Mont ends the call and looks right into the eyes of Mia.] J Mont: I will never lay my hands on you. I will never mentally or physically abuse you, but I do have a right to say this. What the fuck is your problem?
Mia: Baby, it's just that when I was in the kitchen, I kinda tripped and landed near your laptop. I saw Match.com and a profile created and ready to send off.
J Mont: Did you read all of it?
Mia: I just saw a few things and didn't want to see anymore cause I was heartbroken.
J Mont: What do you always tell me? Think before I speak. Check my facts before I comment on a situation. Sit back, and think things through before overreacting. I think you need to take your own advice on this one.
Mia: But why were you hiding this from me?
J Mont: I wasn't hiding it from you. I just needed to get it done and I was going to show you once I completed it.
Mia: But why do you need it?
J Mont: I'm trying to do a good deed.
Mia: What are you? Longfellow Deeds all of a sudden?
J Mont: Cute, but I am still mad at you for not trusting me.
Mia: So, make me understand this.
J Mont: Fine, come back to the kitchen with me so we can sit at the counter together and I can show you what I was doing.
[Mia tries to grab J Mont’s hand but he wants nothing to do with that right now. Mia pushes Baby G back into the kitchen. Now, J Mont and Mia are both right in front of the laptop. J Mont looks at Mia.] J Mont: Go ahead and read it all from the top. And don't say anything until you are done.
[Mia starts the reading process while J Mont looks on. After about 5 minutes, Mia turns her attention to J Mont and walks over to him. She gives him a hug and leans her head back looking at him.] Mia: I'm sorry babe. I should have trusted you. I think the whole Cherry Cola thing last week when she was flirting badly with you got to me and seeing this, just set me off.
J Mont: I love you and I'm never leaving you or Baby G. We are in this together, forever. But you have to trust me. My days of playing the field, threesomes, twins, porn movies and so on are over with. I'm about our family and making money.
Mia: I promise i will communicate better next time i feel like this,
J Mont: That is all I can ask. And I will do the same if I feel like that with you.
Mia: But why the profile?
J Mont: I guess you can call me Longfellow because I feel bad for Cav.
Mia: You do have a big heart.
J Mont: I was doing this because I know once I take the World Title from him, he is going to have nothing to look forward to. His IIW career will be in the toilet. His Celtic Club will have lost faith in him. He is gonna be that lonely guy, sitting home probably hanging out with a few cats. So, I figure I can try to help get him hooked up, so he can take his mind off of the World Title loss.
Mia: They need to give you a Nobel Prize Award.
J Mont: The only award I need is that IIW World Title. I am going to climb that ladder faster than any professional firefighter and get that World Title.
Mia: I'm sorry again babe, and i love you so much.
[Mia gives her man a kiss, and walks over to Baby G. She takes Baby G out of her highchair and takes her to the other room so she can do her mom duties for the baby. J Mont is back in front of the laptop again.] J Mont: You know Cav, you can thank me later. I am doing you a favor taking this World Title off of your shoulders. You don't have to worry about dodging title defenses or challenges anymore. You can now fight all the jobbers and rookies while I handle carrying the company. Something I am used to doing in my whole career. The biggest difference between me and you is quite obvious. I have the “IT” factor and you don't. I mean, look at yourself Cav. You look like you are on drugs everyday. Makes me wonder if your best friend is POOKIE since you are from NYC. But, that's not all. You got man boobs as well. Let me hook you up again. My boy Martin Waters is the CEO of Victoria’s Secrets, so I know I can get you the best bra to help you with your man boob issue. And then, you have that keg you call a stomach. You really need to get the UPLIFTEX Waist Trainer. It will help you insulate heat and stimulate fat loss in the waist area. It's like a mobile sauna. Whereas, if you look at me. I'm the guy that the female artist want to paint and make sculptures of. I got a great look, great body, 6 pack Abs that are better than James Raven’s. I got a great smile with the pearly whites. The tats that have meaning and values. I'm the guy that all the women want, but cannot have. I'm the guy that all the young kids want to be when they grow up. I'm the guy that companies drool over in hopes I'll sign a contract to help them out. I'm the guy that gets multiple phone calls a day for movies, commercials and endorsements. You see Cav, I'm the guy that can carry a company in and out of the ring. All you're good for is carrying a 24 pack case of White Castle to your car.
[J Mont finally hits the send button and the profile has been sent to Match.com for approval.] J Mont: Well Cav, you're about to see if you can meet your match online. But, in that ring, you have met your match. You don't stand a chance versus me. You have never stepped into the ring with a man of my credentials. You have never stepped into the ring with a man that can twist your mind up faster than a family playing the game of Twister. Just when you think you are a step ahead of me, you are really 3 steps behind Cav.
DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!
J Mont: What’s great about that slogan from the game Monopoly Cav is that it truly relates to you. That's a game card that tells the player to go directly to jail. That is good news for you. That means you can finally spend some quality time with your father who has been locked up for god knows how long now. Maybe you can finally meet his man BRUCIE. Wonder if your dad is the snapper or the QB, because I heard Brucie has no arm.
[J Mont lets out a small chuckle. He doesn't want Mia flying back into the kitchen because of a loud laugh.] J Mont: So Cav, all that is left now is for us to make sure our Passports are good to go and do the damn thing. I have never lost a ladder match and I don't plan on starting now. People always rule me out in ladder matches because of my size, but in reality, that's an advantage. I can get to the top of the ladder faster than most because I can skip steps and reach up higher quicker. I am the quickest 255 pound guy in the sporting industry. Line me up next to Isaiah Simmons from Clemson who is now an Arizona Cardinal and I will beat him in the 40. And he ran a 4.39 with comparable size to me. That just shows you how agile and athletic I am. That is something you are not Cav. You think your brawling ways are going to get the job done but not on this night. I will prove why I am the King of New York. And you might as well call me the King of Kings after too.
[J Mont gets up off the stool and closes the laptop. His job here is done, but the job to win the World Title is just around the corner.] J Mont: People when they get into a match of this magnitude put a lot of pressures on themselves. I am the total opposite. I have been asking and wanting this match. But, I had to go through 29 guys to get the World Title shot I wanted. But that will just make it even sweeter after I climb that ladder and grab the World Title. I will be standing tall, holding that title high. All the blood, sweat and tears were worth it. It will be some good payback and revenge for my friend Chris Page as well. And speaking of Page, I know a lot of people are thinking I'm going to call him and get some advice and tips on how to handle Cav in the ring. No disrespect to Page, but I can do this one on my own and I don't need any tips. I have done my homework already and I knew what I was signing up for way before the Ice Crown Rumble Win. If Cav wants to be known as the greatest champion in IIW history, he needs to do the unthinkable. He needs to end my undefeated streak here and keep that World Title. I will give him a 1 percent chance of that happening because anything can happen. I could slip on a peel of a banana outside the ring and get knocked out after my head hits the floor. Ok, that won't happen, but you know what I'm saying. There is the smallest of chances that Cav can pull this out. But he is used to small things in his life. Not even a 4 leaf clover can make his thing grow to an acceptable size to satisfy the ladies. Cav, just stay home and watch Brazzers everynight or pay some membership fees on Onlyfans because you are just going to waste your time with the ladies who are going to laugh at you like they are sitting front row for a Kevin Hart comedy show.
[Getting into the head of Cav is a plan of J Mont’s and when he does that with anyone, that gives him the upper hand. The same thing is going to happen here as well. J Mont is living in the head of Cav rent free right now, but after Sunday Night, he is moving out with the World Title.] J Mont: There is no way after I embarrass Cav that he can show his face in Hell's Kitchen anymore. So, the best thing he can do is take his own move idea and have a west side driveby. He will need to call Manhattan his new home or maybe even leave the state and go to New Jersey. This loss is going to make everyone in Hell’s Kitchen DROP Cav from their groups and clubs. And he will also have to change his nickname from “The One Man Dynasty” to “The One Man Failure” because he cannot blame anyone but himself. But on the bright side of things, after his IIW failure, he can always go back and FOCUS 100 percent dedication into his neighborhood business. Just like the Celtics the other night versus the Knicks, Cav is going to lose. It may have gone to double overtime, but the Knicks got the job done and I'm going to do the same thing. It may not be pretty, but my job is simple. Make sure I climb the ladder first and faster then Cav to retain the World Title that will be hanging above the ring. Hopefully my EGO doesn't take over because I have an insane idea of a JKO off the top of the ladder. I know that might snap Cav’s neck, but the contract I signed covers me of any injuries he sustains. So, I hope you're ready for the fight of your life Cav. Because I am not leaving England without the IIW World Title. I got my family counting on me. I'm building memories for Baby G Mont to look back on. I promised THE MECCA i would bring the World Title Home as we start our reign in the takeover. I told Shaun Hart to bet the farm on me in Vegas. You catch my drift yet Cav? Just like Adrienne yelled at Rocky. YOU CAN'T WIN! And I know Rocky won the war there, but I just want that saying to stick in your head. YOU CAN'T WIN! YOU CAN'T WIN! YOU CAN'T WIN! Just remember those 3 words Cav before our match and it will sting a little less when you hear AND NEW IIW WORLD CHAMPION….J MONT!
[J Mont raises both his arms up high in the air. He is practicing for when the ref raises his arm up high in the air.] J Mont: What is going to suck after I win the World Title is that under IIW rules, I have to surrender the International Title that I won in my debut in September and haven't lost since. I have fought all comers with this title. I'm going to be sad to see it go, but I will welcome the World Title in its place. It’s like getting a new car to be honest. Im trading in a BMW 5 Series to get a BMW 8 Series M Sport Competition. I had something good, but I got something better. But Cav, like I did with the Match.com thing to help you out, I will put a good word in for you to get a shot at the International Title so you can stay in my shadow here in the IIW.
[Here comes Mia again, but no Baby G Mont this time.] Mia: You done with everything, babes?
J Mont: Yeah. I sent the profile over and thought about a lot of stuff pertaining to the match and Cav. I am good now.
Mia: You want to defend that International Title in the bedroom one more time before they make you give it up after you win the World Title?
J Mont: You read my mind love.
Mia: What are you waiting for then?
J Mont: For you to run at me like you are going for the sack so i can scoop you up and carry you to the room and slam you on the bed.
Mia: You asked for it.
[Mia runs at J Mont like he said, and he scooped her up in mid air and carried her down the hallway to the bedroom. As they enter, with Mia hanging on for her life, she reaches and pushes the door closed. Any chance of seeing a sex show from J Mont and Mia is now gone. Sucks to be all of you. But you can hear the voices.] Mia: I'm going to miss this International Title, but I cannot wait to consummate The World Title into our relationship.
J Mont: Just a few more days babe, and we will have that World Title here to start a new chapter.
Mia: Show me what it’s like, Mr. World Champ!
[We cannot hear their voices anymore, but we hear an occasional giggle from Mia and a moan from J Mont as they start to get down to doing the dirty deed. The scene slowly begins to fade out as we let the happy couple enjoy their time together with the International Title for the last time.]
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Post by jmonttwizted on Mar 10, 2023 22:22:51 GMT
[At this present moment, a lot of people would love to be in the position that J Mont is currently in. Laying in an Alaskan King Bed, which is 9 feet by 9 feet, making it the largest one around. But, even with all of this space to enjoy a good night's rest, J Mont and Mia are cuddled up to one another. And when you have a woman as hot as Mia, why would you want to be all the way on the other side of the bed? Exactly! And you can tell that the night they had really took a toll on them. With his arm draped over Mia, and her Georgia Peach ass pushed into J Mont’s midsection, why would they want to move? And there are a few reasons for that. One, there is work that has to be done today. Two, there is a baby in the house. And three, they need to get ready for another fun crazy night after a productive day.]
[And who is going to make the first move? That answer is as easy as Beckett Marisol on a first date. And just imagine Steve Harvey pointing to the Family Feud board. The Number 1 answer for making the first move is J Mont. His arm lifts off Mia, but he is really tempted to go another round because he sees that ass and his mind starts to race. But J Mont knows he has a lot to get done today and has all night with Mia. So, making a decision that most men wouldn't agree with, he rolls away from Mia and ends up towards the side of the bed. Now, Mia looks like she is 2 blocks away from J Mont now thanks to this huge bed. J Mont sits up on the side of the bed now as he is gathering his thoughts. And before he gets up, he turns his head towards the night stand and notices the International Championship Belt. But, that's not all. There is something hanging on the middle of the belt. No, it's not an empty polio string cheese wrapper. It’s a Magnum XL Condom. J Mont is shaking his head wondering how the hell it got there. He starts to laugh and gets up off the bed. He leans over to the night stand and grabs the International Title Belt. He makes his way towards the bathroom with the belt. He grabs one of Mia’s hair brushes and leans the belt over the garbage pail. Using the brush, he pushes the condom into the trash and puts the brush back where he got it from.] J Mont: What happened to that condom is the same thing that is going to happen to Cav. Just a typical Friday trash day and I have the job of taking out the trash that is considered the World Champion of the IIW.
[J Mont then grabs a wash cloth off the hanger, and wipes the small spots on the belt that were left from the condom. Laying the wash cloth back on the bathroom counter, he makes his way out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. With the International Title over his shoulder now, he looks at Mia in the bed and knows he is the Bedroom Champion, but doesnt need a title for that.] J Mont: God damn, I'm a lucky guy. Look at how sexy Mia looks just laying there. Cav would have to take out a title loan on his 1999 Ford Windstar just to get the whore at the corner with no teeth, a wooden leg and a bush in her midsection that makes it seem that Kid from Kid and Play is about to pop out. Cav has no standards and that is not what the IIW needs from their World Champion. I am going to bring back honor and prestige to the World Title once I climb that ladder.
[J Mont slowly walks by Mia so he doesn't awaken her. He could go left to check on Baby G, but there is no sound there so why wake the baby. So, he goes right which leads him to the kitchen. He places the International Title on the table and walks over to the refrigerator. Opening the door, he grabs a Red Bull to get the day started. He takes a seat at the stool he was sitting at yesterday while using the laptop that is still there from the prior day. Now his eyes are going back and forth between the laptop and the title belt.] J Mont: I need to open this laptop to check a few things out, but man, I'm going to miss you.
[Yes, J Mont is talking about the International Title. He knows it's only a matter of days before it’s taken from him. And not because he is going to lose it, but when he wins the World Title, he will have to vacate the International Title. A Title that has been with him since Day 1 coming into the company. A Title he has had to fight so many battles to retain and prove that he is the best International Champion in IIW history. But when one chapter ends, another one begins.] J Mont: This is not a goodbye my friend. It's more like, i will see you later. Might be a while since i don't plan on losing the World Title for a while once i win it, but i promise you one day, i will be back for you. And hopefully, you end up in good hands. Hands like someone from The Mecca.
[J Mont makes a fist as his arm extends. He then brings it in and hits his chest. And then brings it back and does it two more times, acknowledging the International Title.] J Mont: For now, I need you to lay there and watch me work my magic.
[J Mont opens his laptop and enters his password. He then proceeds to go to his email to see if there was a response yet from MATCH.COM. He knows it may not be there yet because it said 24-72 hours for an answer. He starts to scroll through some emails.] Email 1: You have been offered a trade in your CBS Fantasy Baseball League.
Email 2: Your receipt from Apple.
Email 3: American Express- Congratulations, you are invited.
Email 4: Verizon- Thank you for your payment.
J Mont: Fuck, i am in the wrong email. This is my personal email, not the one I created to help out Cav.
[J Mont signs out of his account and logs in under ilostworldtitletojmont@gmail.com. He sees that there is 1 new mail notice in the inbox.] J Mont: Come on MATCH.com. Approve the account for Cav.
[J Mont selects the inbox and it opens up. He looks at the one email that is new and…….] J Mont: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!
[At the top of his lungs, he screamed that. And as much as the news was good, there was about to be some bad news because now Baby G is crying. J Mont starts to make his way towards the baby's room, but he is cut off by an irritated Mia who is in your bra and boy shorts. They both walk to the baby's room and see Baby G standing up, holding onto the side railings. Mia and J Mont get there at the same time and now the baby has a decision to make as to who will hold her. And of course, being daddy’s little girl, she reaches her arms out to J Mont. Mia slaps him in the back of the head.] Mia: Good, I can go back to sleep while you feed and change her. There is a bottle of milk in the fridge and you know where the diapers and wipes are.
J Mont: Are you really being jelly right now babe?
Mia: NO! She wants her dad, and that's fine.
J Mont: I'm leaving for England soon hun. I just want to get some quality time with the baby before I leave. I can't tell her who to reach for when she wants to be held.
Mia: It’s OK. I'm going to lay back down for a little more.
J Mont: You're worn out from last night arent you?
Mia: All I know is that you were pretty slick, slipping that condom off and throwing it to the side. You really want me to get pregnant again don't you?
J Mont: Damn, you saw that?
Mia: I see everything you do. Just remember that.
[Mia walks out as J Mont picks up Baby G. She looks so happy to be with her dad. J Mont leaves the room and walks back towards the kitchen. Before putting Baby G down, he opens the refrigerator again, and grabs the bottle that Mia had ready already. Placing Baby G into her high chair seat, he then leaves the bottle on the tray in front of her. She uses both of her small hands to grab the bottle and starts to drink it. J Mont is back on his stool and is excited that MATCH.COM has accepted the profile.] J Mont: Mission Complete! Now after I defeat Cav, I can help him keep himself occupied from losing the World Title with some date nights. Hopefully the women that are matches for him aren't wrestling fans because that will not go over well. It would be quite funny if one of the matches was EION O’Rourke.
[Now that he had his special bonding moment with his farewell to the International Title and the acceptance of MATCH.COM, all that is left now is to climb the ladder so that all of this makes sense. Would be quite embarrassing if all of this was a waste of time. But the only waste of time has been Cav carrying that World Title.] J Mont: Cav as a World Champion has been terrible for the company. When a company has a World Champion, they are supposed to be the face that everyone talks about. But here in the IIW, that is not the case. Cav doesn't make any appearances to the press or interviews. He doesn't do any charity work or hospital visits. He doesn't promote his own product wherever he goes. The IIW was a solid company before I joined September 1st. But after I joined, it became a company that people started to pay more attention to because of what I brought to the table. I was making sure the name got out there and that I set the tone to be the FACE of the company. You may be the World Champion Cav, but the IIW is my company. When people mention IIW, I am the first name that comes out of everyone's mouth. And yes, you may have a lot to lose with the World Title, but in reality, I have more to lose then you. I could lose my undefeated streak. I could lose my chance at the World Title I worked so hard to get. And I could lose all my momentum I built here turning this company around. And there is so much more to list.
[J Mont looks over at Baby G to make sure she is ok. She is now smiling and playing with the bottle.]
J Mont: As DJ Khaled says in his song. All I do is WIN WIN WIN! I have been undefeated here for over 6 months now and have taken down some of the best home grown talent that they have to offer. From Fred Debonair to PG 13 to Max Stone and list goes on and on. It’s about as long as a section 8 mother using all of her food stamps in one shopping trip. When the cashier is done, she is handed a receipt that has to be folded up like 20 times so it can be put away in a bag. That is the same thing with my list of people I have taken down. I am going to need to hire an assistant just to keep up with the list of people who have fallen at the hands of J Mont. And Cav, you are next to make that list. And it's not a bad thing either. There are a lot of quality names on that list. The bright side of this loss is that you are going to get the most national and world wide attention you have ever had in your whole career thanks to being in the ring with me. This may open up some windows of opportunities for some small movie roles or TV commercials or maybe even another company because when I get this World Title, you will never see it again.
[Baby G throws her bottle to the floor and starts laughing. J Mont hops off the stool and picks it up. Placing it back on her tray, she grabs it and drops it on the floor again. J Mont wants to get mad, but it's his little girl and she knows what she is doing. J Mont gets smart this time and takes the bottle and puts it in the sink. He sees the baby's bag sitting on the counter across from him. He makes his way over there and opens up the bag to grab a Binky for the baby to keep in her mouth to help with teething and stuff. He then hands it to Baby G who puts it right into her mouth and looks content for the moment.]
J Mont: Another thing Cav. I'm going to England with no blemishes on my record and I'm coming back to the states in the same condition but with some new gold. And not some gold teeth acting like I'm going to be the next big time rapper Paul Wall. I’m making a gold exchange of International for World. And don't think for one second you are going to be the chosen one to end my streak. I compare myself to some of the best teams in the history of sports that never lost.
2020 Alabama Crimson Tide
2018 Clemson Tigers
2014 Uconn Huskies
2013 Florida Seminoles
2010 Auburn Tigers J Mont: There are more to list, but those are just a few that really stand out. They did their job during the regular season and got to the championship game. I'm following the same path as them right now too. They won their championships and now all i have to do is climb a ladder before you Cav to retrieve the World Title and i can be included in the same sentence as all of these special teams. And don't think you are going to pull off a New York Giants upset like they did against the undefeated New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Giants got lucky against the GOAT, Tom Brady. But I won't let you get that lucky or give you the chance to get lucky. Consider yourself the 1972 Washington Redskins and I am the 1972 Miami Dolphins. That is the best example of me and you. Yes you are in the championship match Cav, but just like the Dolphins did, they battled and won the championship and kept their streak alive. I promise you I am going to do the same thing as them.
[Mia is finally awake as she walks into the kitchen still half naked. J Mont really wants to hit that again, but he knows tonight is the better timing for him.] Mia: I can read your mind hun. You aint getting this ass again until you get more condoms. I'm not about to go through another summer carrying a child right now. Especially with football season still going on and the trips that we have planned.
J Mont: We need to have a little boy. I need a Baby J Mont for the future of this family.
Mia: We have plenty of time for that. Stop rushing it.
J Mont: I’m 42. Time is flying by.
Mia: Could be worse, you could look like Tommy Cavanagh. He looks like he collects social security and spends his Friday nights playing Bingo.
J Mont: John babe. It's John Cavanagh.
Mia: I'm not doing this again. I'm just gonna call him Former so we all know who i am talking about.
J Mont: That works too love.
Mia: Let me guess…..you didn't change Baby G.
J Mont: I didn't smell anything and she hasn't been complaining.
Mia: She is 7 months old. She's not gonna tell you moron.
J Mont: Watch your mouth around the baby.
Mia: Coming from you? Weren't you singing a Wu Tang song the other day in the car with her in there?
J Mont: Touche! You got me there.
[Mia grabs Baby G out of her high chair and takes her back to her room so she can be changed on the changing table and changed for the day.] J Mont: So, I guess it's time for school to be in session for Cav. It’s time I teach Cav just what J Mont is all about. Teach him why TWIZTED THOUGHTZ is not someone you want to step into the ring with. Teach him why I am best for business. Teach him why I am…..
SUCCESSFUL S- See your Goal
J Mont: My goal when I got here was to become the World Champion and had to map out the plan to get there because nothing was going to be handed to me and I wasn't one of the kiss asses of the fed either. I had to win a 7 man battle royal in my debut to win the International Title followed by many title defenses. But that wasn't enough still to get my World Title Shot. So, I had to do the unthinkable and enter the 30 man Ice Crown Rumble. Everyone that was in it wanted me out right away when I entered. I fought and clawed because I knew this was my only chance to get the title shot I wanted. And when the ring cleared, I was the last man standing and then and there was when I knew I was finally getting what I earned. A World Title shot. I shot and I scored. Goal is 90 percent done now. All that stands in the way now, is a Cav, and a ladder to get the World Title.
U- Understand your Obstacles
J Mont: And Cav, I know that this being a ladder match that anything can happen. I know the Celtic Club wants a piece of me. I know Max Stone wants a piece of me. I know the Tag Champs want a piece of me. I know Ryan Hawkins and many more want to get a piece of me. I know that anything can happen in this kind of match. That's why I'm going to make sure I'm 100 percent focused on my surroundings when I am in the ring with you. I got The Mecca in the back watching that for me, but there is only so much they can do. You can have someone run from the audience and hop into the ring and take me out. Someone could be in the rafters and swing down and knock me off the ladder. I know you could swing that ladder and take my head off. I know that the obstacles are going to be there but I have the plan to make sure that they do not conquer or stop me.
C- Create a Positive Mental Picture
J Mont: Now Cav, i just want you to know that Mia ordered a custom 24 carat gold frame so that when i win the World Title, she can put that picture inside the frame as my start of World Champion begins. I will wake up every day and see that picture and know what I have to do. I already have so many plans in mind for the IIW in and out of the ring. Just watch what happens to the IIW stock after I grab that World Title. It’s going to shoot up like your blood pressure after you realize you lost to me. The investors want to invest in a winner and that is me. I am going to create a legacy here in the IIW that no one will ever forget.
C- Clear your mind of Self Doubt
J Mont: I will admit Cav, that there has been a 1 percent doubt in my mind because I have been in title matches before and lost. But I lost because I let my ego get the better of me or I let my emotions take over where I made one bad move. So, I'm going to make sure when I'm walking down to that ring, I'm going to block everything out of my head but the game plan I have. All the cheers. All the Boos. All the voices. They will be gone. All that will be on my mind is the plan to take you down and bring the World Title back home to The Mecca. Mia believes in me. Baby G believes in me. The Mecca believes in me. Austin and Toddy believe in me. CCPE that is scattered all over the United States believes in me. As much as im hated in this business, everyone believes this is the time for me, and the time that you fall flat on your face.
E- Embrace All Challenges
J Mont: Like i have said before and i guess i need to say it again so it sits in your head. Any challenge that management has signed on to face me in the ring, I have knocked down. You can call me the king of Dodge Ball because when they try to come for me, I just throw the arsenal at them, and they ARE OUT! And now, I have the biggest so-called challenge in my IIW career. People are calling this the biggest World Title match in history. While I agree with that statement, it's only said because I am in the match. If Cav fought anyone else, it would just be a World Title match with no hype. But because J Mont is in the match, it's one of the biggest. I hope the IIW is getting ready for a new edition of the magazine because the last one had me on the cover but after I win the World Title, they will need to update that cover with me holding the title and this caption underneath the picture. “And still undefeated and the new World Champion and the man that took on another challenge, the one and only…… J MONT!
S- Sacrifice Free Time
J Mont: The people that really know me know that once this match was booked, I really cut down on my nightlife and going out. I was a regular at sporting events and The Velvet Rabbit but I knew I had to be ready for this match. I didn't want to have that many distractions beforehand. I already almost missed out on this match thanks to the PWE and Orlando doctors misdiagnosing my tendon injury. I'm so glad that Chris Page and Mia made me get that second opinion with Dr. James Andrews because he showed me I wasn't hurt that bad at all and just needed some bed rest. That right there was the wake up call I needed to make sure I stayed low key and focused on this match and my family. The only free time I had went to Mia and Baby G. But once this match is over with, the VIP i'm going to set up is going to top anything that Floyd Mayweather or Jay Z ever threw.
S- Show the World you can do it
J Mont: That is the plan and nothing is going to change. Unless you come up with some bull shit excuse about your passport not letting you into England. That is something I can see you pulling because you know your days as Champion are numbered. Every day you wake up, it gets closer to you just being a regular guy in the IIW again. Scratching and Clawing to get another title shot. In front of 90,000 people, I promise you Cav that I'm going to them and you that I can DO IT! I see a NIKE commercial coming together too after this match for me. I'll be wearing some Air max sneakers and some guy comes at me talking shit about Nike and BAM, i hit him with the JKO. Showing the world that I can DO IT!
F- Feed your Focus
J Mont: Everyone knows that FOCUS in my hay day was the best stable to ever grace the wrestling world, so whenever I hear someone mention the word FOCUS, that is the first thing that comes to mind. Even this past year and a half ago, I brought back another version of this in the OPW. But that's in the past and I need to FOCUS on the now and future. The now is winning the title and making sure you go home crying like a little bitch who just had some Nuclear flavored wings from WingStop. And the future is me carrying this World Title into 2024, 2025 and the years on til I get bored with it. I am one of the best at feeding my own ego. Feeding my thoughts and desires. Feeding my mind to get the job done. The IIW is feeding you to me Cav. They don't realize what they have done to you. Sure, this is the biggest title match of all time, but they set you up for failure. It’s like 4th and goal from the one. You're Derrick Henry at running back and I'm Ray Lewis at Middle Linebacker. The ball is hiked and handed off to you. You explode up the middle and BAM! You get drilled and stopped at the one yard line and FAILED! All your hard work and dreams are shattered and destroyed. You will never be the same again after this match.
U- Utilize all Opportunities
J Mont: And that is what I have done. I hate sounding like a broken record, but sometimes you need to repeat yourself so people truly understand what you have done and overcome. I was given an opportunity by Shaun Hart to come to the IIW on a big salary but he couldn't promise anything more than that. So, i said fuck it. I told him that all I needed was just an opportunity and I would handle the rest. That 7 man battle royal in my debut for the International Title is where it started and it came down at the end to me and my boy Fred Debonair. And I hated that I had to do it, but Fred had to go because that title was mine. I made the most of that opportunity and I knew now having the 2nd highest title in my first match, all eyes were on me as Tupac would say. I just had to make the most of my time until the iron was hot to strike. Winning and Winning until they announced the Ice Crown Rumble. That is the opportunity I needed to face Cav because he wanted nothing to do with me. He knew it would be his biggest challenge and the man to take the title from him. So, after I won the Ice Crown Rumble, I wasted no time and said I was coming for Cav. And from that point on until the sound of the bell In England, I was living in his head and let me tell you, that man is a complete mess up there. I am mentally getting to him and he hasn't met a man that is as physically gifted as me. Sorry Page, but I'm going to get the job done that you didn't get done. That is not a knock at you, but I'm more driven than you are to win this title. I am doing this for Mia and Baby G. The Mecca is counting on me to win this. Vegas thinks I'm going to win this based on the odds. So, it looks like I turned an opportunity into a World Championship.
L- Learn from all Failure
J Mont: Now, I know that I haven't failed here yet in the IIW, and there is a chance of that happening one day, but that one day is not in England. But I have learned from other past failures whether it was defending a title, getting a title shot or just a match on the card. And most of the time when I FAIL, it's because of someone cheating, or getting help to get the job done. There were a few instances that I lost where it was my fault. When I fought my brother Paul, towards the end of the match I started to see how tired he was and how down he started to look. He was on a small losing streak and I said to myself, I need to help him even though we aren't on speaking terms. So, I didn't kick out at 3 when I could have. Another time was when I was fighting Todrick and I looked at Austin outside the ring. He was really pulling for his wife to win that title. I let myself get distracted on purpose so that Toddy could nail her finisher on me and get the win. But there was also another time I was facing Allen Chaney and I went for the kill when the time wasn't right only to get spun around and clocked right on the jaw knocking me out for a few seconds, but that was enough for him to get the pin. You live and learn from your mistakes. If you can't admit when you mess up, you will never move forward. So Cav, that is another lesson for you to learn. You will need to admit that I am better than you and that I beat you so you can move forward with your next challenge. Because the challenge you are going to put in front of me, I'm going to knock it down like Rampage Jackson did with the door at the UFC Training Center when he ripped it off the hinges. I want you to learn from you this Cav. I want you to learn how to deal with failure. Teacher Mont lessons will be taught and after the match when I'm holding the World Title, I will make sure to give you a grade.
[J Mont decides to check his laptop one more time before he goes to see what Mia and Baby G are doing. When he looks at the profile, he sees one new message. He opens the message up from Theresa4543.] Theresa4543: Hello John. Just saw your profile and I loved it. I'm a big fan of eggplant and I want to know more about this religion of yours called JMontism. Look forward to hearing back from you.
[J Mont starts to crack up, but maybe he just found a soulmate for Cav. He shakes his head and takes off to the back room where Mia and Baby G are doing whatever it is they are doing. When he pops his head in there, he sees Mia on the floor playing with Baby G.] J Mont: There is my precious little girl!
[Baby G hears the voice and looks around until she sees her dad. Her face lights up in happiness and Mia is just like, whatever. The bond of Baby G and J Mont is one of a kind.] J Mont: I'll take Baby G off your hands so you can do what you have to do. I'm all set with everything. I even found Cav, a woman I think with the MATCH.COM too.
Mia: I swear to god babe, if you start to walk around acting like a Love Doctor, I'm going to get James Raven to spray you in the face with a water bottle. I know you hate that.
J Mont: Fuck Raven, but hes not the issue right now. And look what you made me do. Curse in front of our baby.
Mia: It won't be the last time either, so suck it up. She is around your Italian family and friends. She will be cursing in Italian by the time she is 2 years old.
[Mia walks up to J Mont and gives him a big kiss on the lips as she walks away. J Mont picks up Baby G and gives her a kiss on the cheek. The gift of life is Baby G. The gift to the wrestling world is going to be the IIW World Championship around the waist of J Mont.]
I AM UNSTOPPABLE
OBSTACLES can't stop me
FAILURES can't stop me
STORMS can't stop me
DOUBTS can't stop me
HATERS can't stop me
PROBLEMS can't stop me
NOTHING can stop me because
IM UNSTOPPABLE Attachments:
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Post by The Celtic Club on Mar 10, 2023 23:49:30 GMT
The IIW Netflix stream was interrupted by the familiar sight of static, accompanied by the ever so memorable white noise that goes hand in hand and hand with it. The scene opens to “The One Man Dynasty” John Cavanagh seated alone in a booth at his normal haunt, The Blarney Stone Irish Pub in Hell’s Kitchen, New York. On top of the table sits the IIW World Heavyweight Championship, slightly to John’s left, and in front of the Irishman sits his favorite spirit–a green bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey–accompanied by a large ashtray. In his hand John holds a blunt which he takes a hit of before beginning to speak.
John Cavanagh: Human beings are a funny creature. Some of us are more down to earth than others while some of us have our heads so far up our ass they can perform fellatio on their intestines. Some of us are able to fully comprehend the challenges that lay ahead of us and are man enough to admit that the road ain’t gonna be easy. While some of us just seem to believe everything will come easily, that the stars will align and the heavens will ordain them with the exact thoughts they’ve pushed out into the Universe. Now, don’t worry, you ain’t gonna be hearing some TED Talk on “mindset” or “manifestation” or some other yuppy, modern day bullshit from good old Johnnie Cav. See, I’m a bit too traditional to go that route. I’m just attempting to point out the utter lunacy that occurs whenever Netflix switches over to a Joe Montuori promo. It’s cute how he pays for narration of his own promotional videos like anyone gives a shit what the person who is paid to speak for J Mont has to say. Wembley Stadium has had record crowds? No shit, every arena in the world has had their own highest grossing crowds for different forms of entertainment–its very nice of you to make sure your paid spokesperson delivered a few tidbits that might help someone get a Jeopardy or Who Wants to be a Millionaire question right one day, but, for purposes of the IIW it’s basically just a bunch of bullshit that you hope to live up to. Joe, I hate to break it to you but the Brits ain’t showing up at Wembley to watch J Mont pull a British Bulldog and take home the strap. Shit, the Brits probably ain’t showing up to watch the “home grown” talent, as you put it, defeat J Mont and keep the belt for himself–I’m sure most of those Union Jack flying bastards have some strong feelings towards Johnnie Cav with some of the shit I’ve spewed about their island. It’s quite clear why there will be a multitude of asses in seats at Wembley Stadium and it’s because this organization drew them there. This championship…
Cavanagh slaps his opposing hand against the IIW World Championship slung across his shoulder sending a reverberating “thwack” throughout the air. He had held plenty of championships in his career but this one was different, this championship was the crown jewel in his crown, this championship was what fully made his “dynasty” complete…this championship was his prized possession and he was prepared to defend it with his last breath.
John Cavanagh: This championship is what drew the crowd there. No matter it was you or myself was champion, replace me with either Hawkings, Crush or Blade–don’t matter–they came to see two warriors battle over the richest prize in our game and that is EXACTLY what they are going to be blessed with this Sunday night at Keys 2 Success. People can be advised to place their hard earned money on J Mont, and if they really want to risk it all the more power to them, but I will absolutely LOVE playing spoiler on those bets. And what’s more? I ain’t gonna feel bad for all the dumb schmucks who gambled away their rent money or mortgage payments or Junior’s college fund on J Mont’s self-proclaimed victory at Keys 2 Success. Betting against a tough Irishman from Hell’s Kitchen is usually a losing predicament. It didn’t take many of us to make Fat Tony Salerno realize that it would be too difficult to tame us. There are reasons why us Micks whacked each other out in such large numbers in the early 1900s–we are a fighting bunch and we most definitely love to fight. Us Irish have this innate ability to keep rolling with the punches regardless of how positive or negative our own outlook is in a given situation. We may not be the country that is known for conquering most of the world, like Britain, we may not be the culture that was known for producing fierce warriors world wide as if we were the Spartans or the Vikings but yet ask any motherfucker from New York about the New York Irish and they’ll be quick to fess up that we love a good struggle. Would I like to be defeated? No, and especially not by some prick like J Mont, shit, as far as I’m concerned El Landerson deserves this beautiful championship twice as much as Joey Boy does. Would I like to defeat you? Well, is an elephant heavy? Will I defeat you at Keys 2 Success–probably but it ain’t no guarantee. See, I’m not as full of myself as you happen to be Joe. I know that the odds, in a way, have been stacked against me–you have no disqualification so all of your little anal bead friends can try and come down to help you take home the big one but ya know what? Johnnie Boy got him some friends too. Trig, Andy, Eoin, Max…I’m sure if Goliath, Fred, Bam, Shaun or whatever other scum you can dig up try to stick their nose in our business you’ll be seeing one or all four of them sons of bitches sprinting down to the ringside area. You don’t have to pin me, something that is far from easy to do. You don’t have to make me submit, something that is damn near impossible. All you have to do is incapacitate me for long enough for you to climb your boring, generic ass up the ladder and unhook my championship.
Johnnie shook his head back and forth as if he was disgusted. He knew he agreed to this ladder match, and part of the reason was simple, he just wanted to see Joe Montuori bleed at this point and if that meant tossing an advantage to Joe, then so be it.
John Cavanagh: I agreed to this ladder match because I figured it would be a nice, simple way for me to do a lot of damage to a man who has been trying to play mind games since he won the Ice Crown Battle Royal. Joe, the narrator, the cum dump he turned into a fiance, and whatever “friends” they might have can think that good old Johnnie Cav didn’t want to step foot in the ring with Joe Montuori but, let’s face it, that is one of the biggest lies told in the history of the IIW–only a guy who walked away TWICE and a guy who walked away after losing in his home field and in the match he chose have been able to fabricated grander falsehoods than you, Mister Montuori. If I remember correctly, back at Red Alert, I called you out in one of my promos against your shit eating former leader. I said to the world that after I won the World Championship that we should toss Joe Montuori to the wolves and have the World Championship and International Championship unified. Maybe it wasn’t at Red Alert, maybe it was the very next edition of Monday Night Mayhem but it was said and you were called out. If you were denied the opportunity to face off against me one on one with the championship on the line then I can safely say it ain’t me who denied you. You think I’m walking around with my chest pumped out while fearing for my championship on the inside? You must be smoking some really good shit so please do me a favor and pass that shit over here because I need to know what super duper Cripta-Chronic is like in real life. I haven’t been running from you and the “games” you’ve been playing have been elementary at best. You think attacking Andy Donahue inside of a steel cage is going to make me go crazy? You think that is going to put me over the top to the point where I can’t think straight? To the point where you will be able to outsmart me inside of my own goddamn ring?!
The Irishman chuckled under his breath ever so softly. He had become the man that was the dominant force in IIW regardless of what The Mecca wanted to believe. Shaun, Joe, Goliath, Fred, Bam…don’t matter…collectively they weren’t drawing the same amount of attention as the World Champion and it seemed to be something that none of the members of The Mecca wanted to come to grips with.
John Cavanagh: Man, you’ve got some interesting ideas that you have that narrator spit back at the world. It’s always comical to hear someone speak “the truth” when all they are spewing is the same exact bullshit everyone else does. Watch, Joey Boy, I can play that “I did what I said I did” game too. I debuted and said I’d win the International Championship from Tyler Debonair–check. I said I would, one day, be the IIW World Champion–check again. I said I would restore the prestige to this championship and chase a certain nameless sack of shit out of this promotion at Red Alert–guess what, I did. I said I would make easy work of El Landerson–did that. I said Blade Alexander and Crush would each fail to take this championship from me at Explosion and last I checked neither of them have the belt. I said I’d defeat Ryan Hawkins even after Shaun Hart and Joe Montuori stacked the odds as high as they could against me and, um, yeah, J Mont had to count that three count even though it was clear to the entire world that it was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. Now, you said you’d defeat me at Keys 2 Success and I said that I’d defeat you so, I mean, I’m not a mathematician or any of that shit but I don’t think the math adds up on that one. We both can’t be right. One of us will have to be wrong come Sunday night and I’m telling you, I’m telling Shaun and I’m telling whatever other douchebag friends you have lurking around in the shadows that Johnnie Cav’s word ain’t gonna be the one to break at Keys 2 Success! Something's got to give, Joey Boy. One of us has got to be wrong and I promise I will be doing everything in my power to ensure that the World Championship stays where it belongs, with someone who actually gives a fuck about this company, rather than being just another object for J Mont to stroke his meat to at the end of the night. See, the games you’ve been playing Montuori, they’ve gotten you absolutely nowhere with me. Your words mean nothing, the actions that you’ve committed mean less than your words because I’ve already been there and done that. The only thing you can currently hold over me is the fact that you are, as of this recording, you are undefeated here in the IIW. Well, that’s great and grand buddy, Johnnie Cav was undefeated once upon a time too but all good things must come to an end, just ask Goldberg. Only difference is I won’t be needing Trig or Andy to hit you with a taser before I dethrone you. The piece of this puzzle that you’re missing is that I’ve already beaten people at your skill level, some greater than your skill level, so you’re really just parading around spewing nonsense at this point.
Johnnie rubbed his eyes. It was difficult to stay awake the other night while watching Joey’s promo. Let’s face it, it wasn’t exactly like Joe Montuori was taking the time to specifically talk about any truths regarding John Cavanagh. It was more as if Joe Montuori was deciding to trash talk some version of John Cavanagh that never existed.
John Cavanagh: It is going to be heartbreaking when you realize that not only did you NOT win the World Championship, not only did you NOT do what you said you were going to do but you also are no longer undefeated. It’s going to be a bitch, to say the least, when you’ve got to explain why the second one of you shit eating mutts that associate yourselves with Shaun Hart weren’t able to get the job done when it was time to meet up one on one with The One Man Dynasty. Another thing that’s got me scratching my head is that you seem to be putting your words into my mouth. You’re the jerkoff that's been running around this promotion saying no one could defeat him since he got here last August but yet you are crediting me with saying those things. Are there people who can’t defeat me in this promotion and never will? Fuck yeah. Are there people who can defeat me and possibly one day? Also, fuck yeah. Are there people who HAVE defeated me in this promotion? I mean, yes but good old Jake E. Dangerously and Russell Wayne aren’t currently active and last I checked Russell never lost the World Championship so if he ever pokes his head out and he wants to shoot the headie with the World Champion than I will be more than happy to accept that TRUE challenge. Joey, you can make all of these analogies to different people and compare me to them, compare yourself to the guy who defeated them but the problem with that is a simple one…you’re using examples that have NOTHING to do with me and you. You’ve spent too much time watching movies, too much time watching YouTube videos, too much time watching SportsCenter and too much time on that cess pool Twitter to know what the fuck is going on right in front of you. You want to say I haven’t faced a “true challenger”, fine, if you say so. I guess you need to get back on Twitter, send that out on a Tweet and tag your old buddy–maybe he will finally come out of hiding to admit what a talentless, gutless, sack of shit he is because even his number two in CCPE claims he’s not a “true challenger”. Well, now the question becomes which one of you two are more full of shit? JM or CP? I’m not sure but maybe you two can get together and debate about this topic, write a thesis and let the rest of the IIW know what you two decide. Oh, maybe writing a thesis is too difficult for you guys so I guess just make a one sentence Tweet about which of you is a “true challenger” and which of you is a “useless sack of shit”. I’m sure you two can come to an accord on that, not like there are any egos to get in the way.
Hell’s Kitchen’s Favorite Son rolled his eyes. No egos? Let’s face it, the two men who he just referenced gave Hulk Hogan a run for his money when it came to ego size. At least Hogan carried a company for damn near a decade, these two guys could barely carry their own jockstraps.
John Cavanagh: And who can’t help but admire the ridiculous comparisons you continue to make. Funny how the shit talking, arrogant douchebag of the IIW thinks I’ve been the one running my mouth. Listen little man, I don’t run my mouth–as you would say I only speak truths. I will gladly sit here and trash talk back and forth with anyone who thinks they can hang with me but the fact of the matter is that when Johnnie Cav speaks people pay attention because they all are well aware of what I’ve done, what I continue to do and what I will do in the future. When Joe Montuori speaks, it mostly falls on deaf ears because intelligent people don’t like to sit there and decipher through all of the bullshit he lets fly out of his mouth to find the one truth in every ten statements. You can make all of the bullshit analogies you want to about me being Oleksander Usyk and how he lost via decision after twelve rounds, but the problem is–you’re looking at boxing as if it is professional wrestling. When we step into the squared circle this Sunday night there won’t be a referee to pull us apart, there won’t be a bell that rings to let poor little Joey go take a sip of water or get a pep talk from Shaun Hart or whatever other asshat happens to accompany you to the ring, there won’t be any rounds and there most definitely won’t be any judges to decide who the victor was. Johnnie Cav and Joey Boy are going to go out there and take care of business by beating the ever loving shit out of one another with ladders, falling from the sky to the mat, maybe a few chairs, maybe a table or two and who the fuck knows what else might be employed to defeat the other. Joe, I know you ain’t gonna take this match lightly but while you focus mostly on yourself–I focus on the task at hand and the opponent that will be standing across that ring from me.
Cavanagh rubbed his palms together and sucked his teeth while he peered out of the booth’s window out onto the streets of Hell’s Kitchen for a moment. He could be a people watcher, looking at a yuppy walking down the block with his, out there at best, haircut, colorful glasses, jeans tighter than a stripper’s leather pants and a traveler’s bag.
John Cavanagh: Only a materialistic, chauvinistic, arrogant prick thinks his MacBook Air Supreme means a goddamn thing in this world. You rich, spoiled brats really don’t understand the way that the world works, huh? You all think that what you’ve inherited from the generations before you also equates to your importance when that couldn’t be further from the truth. People like you inflate their own egos over and over again until that day that thing can’t expand any further and then poof! That shit explodes for everyone to witness. Then all of a sudden the great, amazing, awesome, larger than life piece of shit who never did a thing in his life to get to where he is currently gets to crash and burn on their fall back down to the earth. See, Joe Montuori, you’re at a point where I’m going to start referring to you as Icarus. Now, maybe you can whip out that half million dollar laptop, open up Safari, pump Google in and check out the Greek myth of Icarus. Icarus was so elated to have the power of flight that he flew a bit too close to the Sun which led to the wax on his wings melting which led to Icarus falling to the earth. Joe, I’m sure all of that just went over your head because if it ain’t something you paid way too much money for then it wasn’t worth it to you therefor something tells me you’ve never had a library card and I couldn’t imagine your mouth breathing ass to sit there reading it on a Kindle or whatever new technology you seem to think is important. It’s clear to me, and anyone else with half of a brain, that you’re flying high and you’re flying fast. You think that you’re better than everyone because of the advantages you were born with, you believe that you’re above all of us in importance because you spend more money on your clothing, cars and homes. Now since you felt we were all too dimwitted to understand all of your bullshit analogies–I’ll spell this out for you as well since I’m sure you’re not intelligent enough to understand this one.
The IIW World Heavyweight Champion cracked his knuckles. He was trying to figure out a way to explain this in layman’s terms. Let’s face it, Johnnie wasn’t in the field of education–most of his life he explained something one way and if the target didn’t understand it they just got hit so hard that they figured it out. Maybe that’s what he should have done with J Mont but at this point Johnnie was having fun picking apart Joe Montuori’s feeble mind.
John Cavanagh: Now, as I said in case it already exited your mind when you saw something new and flashy in front of you, you’re Icarus. For review purposes, Icarus is the douchebag who flew with waxed wings. Ok, so, Douchebag Joey Icarus puts on his fancy, shiny, expensive wax wings and takes flight into the sky. Douchebag Joey Icarus had one goal in life and that was the IIW World Heavyweight Championship so he began to fly in that direction. Wait, wait, I forgot I can’t really use figurative language because it will go over that buzzed head of yours so I’ll just say it point blank. The IIW World Heavyweight Championship is represented by the Sun in our little story. So, we’ve got Douchebag Joey Icarus flying with his expensive wax wings getting closer and closer to the Sun, the IIW World Heavyweight Championship, and then all of a sudden…Douchebag Joey Icarus is brought back down to earth because it got a little too hot for his expensive little toys that he took so much pride in. In our modern day society you might hear people tell you “don’t fly too close to the Sun”, well, Douchebag Joey Icarus–you are dangerously close to that giant fireball of a nuclear power plant that pulls all of the solar system to it. How fitting we use the story of Icarus to fully describe Joey Boy. The World Championship is in fact the Sun, it gives us all a purpose, it draws us all to this promotion, shit, it probably has its own gravitational force if we could get some poindexter scientist to do some tests on that. I’m not saying that your ego hasn’t always been too large for your own accomplishments, it was clear since the moment you opened your mouth that you had an inflated sense of self-importance, but your ego is bringing you to a level that you’re not meant to be at. Don’t take this the wrong way, Joe, I ain’t saying you’re talentless. You’ve got enough talent to win the International Championship and retain it a handful of times so there’s that. What I’m saying is the level of talent that you are isn’t on the same level as me. I’m not saying I’m going to make a fool out of you, I’m not saying you don’t deserve a championship opportunity, quite the contrary actually.
Cavanagh slaps his hands together and laughs. He knew why J Mont was saying that Cavanagh was avoiding him even though he wasn’t. It was clear as day really–Joey Boy didn’t pay attention to ANYTHING that had happened surrounding the IIW World Champion since he won the Ice Crown.
John Cavanagh: I’ve said I’ll take on EVERY member of The Mecca. I said I would have taken on every member of CCPE as well. One by one, prick by prick, I would HAPPILY bury the dreams of each and every single one of you self-inflated pussies. Whether that happens in the ring, the locker room, the parking lot, fuck it, you boys can line up outside of The Blarney Stone, I’ll sell tickets to the neighborhood folks and they can all watch as Johnnie Cav beats the piss out of five or six different jerkoffs. I guess you missed me explaining to the world that I was going to rip a cancer out of the IIW back at Red Alert and that is EXACTLY what happened. I did tell you to put your money where your mouth is and we have a title versus title match, something you must have been too busy to pay attention to or maybe you’re the one running scared? Yeah, that probably makes more sense. It’s always you undeserving sacks of shit who run their mouths when they’re surrounded by their buddies and separated from their opponent by a football field but yet when it’s time for shit to pop off they’re the first people running for cover or dialing 9-1-1 on their cell phones so the boys in blue can come save them from the shit storm they created. See, Joey, Johnnie Cav ain’t running scared, Johnnie Cav hasn’t made one excuse as to why he can’t defend the World Championship against you. I’ve been counting down the days until Keys 2 Success because I can’t wait to leave you bloodied, beaten, bruised and broken in the center of that ring after I climb that ladder and unhook that beautiful championship.
John smiled for a moment at the camera as he gathered his thoughts. He couldn’t believe he actually took the time to watch Joe’s last promotional video. It was almost as if this guy was living in a complete dreamworld where the only thing happening is whatever he happens to believe in his own mind regardless of the facts that are staring him directly in the face.
John Cavanagh: I must say though, it’s clear that you and Mia spend a lot of time watching random bullshit. I find myself wondering if you might be better served watching videos of my matches, maybe? Wouldn’t it behoove the challenger to study the champion that they’re about to step into the ring with. Joey Boy, I gotta say for someone so high up on the mountain, for someone that’s been around this game for the amount of time you have–you would think you learned the most important aspect of our profession is being prepared for all of the little tricks the other guy has to offer. It’s cute that little dumb cunt of yours can’t remember my name, it really is. Why? Because her being intelligent enough to know my name means less than Vladimir Putin’s word. I’m not trying to put down the female sex–I know damn well I don’t exist without an entire lineage of tough Irish women who gave birth to the next generation of my family–but it’s clear you found yourself one hell of a ditzy bitch to get hitched to. That’s all good though, stupid is as stupid does, you two morons deserve one another–she can give the world the next generation of arrogant yet moronic douchebags in the Montuori family. Thank you for your contributions to, well, the annoyance of the next generation Mia you’re a fucking saint! You guys can laugh about actors with my last name, musicians with my last name, I hate to break it to you but Cavanagh is a rather popular last name amongst us Irish. Probably because it’s a bit easier to pronounce, spell and remember than names like Montuori. I could get onto a good old Irish versus Italian street beef on this one and start calling you all of the dirty names I know for Italians but I have some friends who’s family hails from that sunny peninsula and I’m not trying to offend them just because you’re the shittiest version of an Italian I’ve ever met. Now, that is saying quite a bit, I’m a New Yorker as are you so I’m sure you know how many of your paisanos talk a big game until they hear that “click, click” of the handcuffs and then you need a baseball bat to get them to stop giving information to the police. Suffice it to say, I’m thinking pretty lowly of you as a human being when I’m saying that you’re a worse example than guys like Joey Massino and Sammy Gravano. Let me get off of the old school Irish versus Italian rivalry…that’s got nothing to do with the pain and suffering I am going to ensure that you experience at Keys 2 Success.
The leader of The Celtic Club took a quick look downwards, tilting his left wrist upwards he stared down at the face of his wristwatch and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was still in this bar booth talking to this camera crew about Joe Montuori. It was as if all of the nonsense that Joe stated in order to get under Cavanagh’s skin was working–just not in the method that Joe wanted it to. Was Cavanagh angered with Joe? Not particularly. Was he annoyed with him? You bet your ass–who couldn’t be annoyed when sitting through a Joe Montuori promo.
John Cavanagh: Match.com, really? You really are a piece of work, you know that? Not only do you and the ditzy cum dump waste your time making jokes and watching movies in order to find ideas to belittle me but you are going to actually take the time out of your day to create a fake dating profile? What because you thought cracking jokes about homosexuality is funny? I hate to break it to you but the homophobic ones that make jokes about that are usually the ones living in the closet. I guess we know what Mia straps on to make her daddy happy now don’t we? It’s ok if that’s the kind of thing you like Joey, it really is, I mean I already tore your old buddies apart for basically letting Shaun Hart bend them over and have his way with them. Funny part about it is after I broke that news about Justin, he wasn’t long for the IIW. After I told the world that Hart loved him a little Page in the backseat of him limousin, the other three dollar bill packed his bags and got the fuck out too. I hope you won’t be so butthurt once everyone realizes Shaun Hart picked you because you made sure he felt weak in the knees on a regular basis. That just leads me to one question though, who is the REAL father for Baby G? It ain’t you because you’re too busy pulling a Vito Spatafore before you get to work. You should know who that is as a New York Italian and as someone who has way too much time on their hands to watch movies. If you don’t, Google it on your half million dollar laptop…fucking tool. Guy making jokes about me not getting laid meanwhile I share a bed with the most lovely woman in this promotion, Shannon Riley. He wants to say anything he can to try and get me off kilter, he wants to get me sufficiently enraged to the point where I won’t be able to think coherently come Sunday night. Well, I hate to admit it but it ain’t exactly the worst idea. The problem for you Joey Boy? It ain’t working! You aren’t going to piss me off making gay jokes about me like every other assclown from The Mecca, CCPE, Little Dick Crew or whatever other names you guys go by. It’s really getting kind of old and repetitive to hear the same elementary, possibly middle school at best, insults being slung around by these guys. It’s like the old expression, birds of a feather flock together, ya know? Guys who are closet homosexual chill together so they can have all of that sexual tension whenever they’re together and tell their old lady they’re “chillin’ with the boys” when they get together and have their orgies with Shaun Hart. The same insults, same bullshit, it’s like you three are all the same goddamn person. It makes sense, Shaun Hart liked all three of youse so you three gotta be pretty damn similar to him.
Cavanagh began to laugh as he repeated different moments of Joe’s promo. He began to realize that everything in life was a joke to Joe Montuori. There wasn’t one moment where the cocky bastard could be serious. Well, Johnnie planned to teach him how to be serious this Sunday night at Keys 2 Success if it was the last thing he did.
John Cavanagh: Longfellow Deeds? What the fuck did you and wifey do last week? Stream every single Adam Sandler movie? Man, too bad you didn’t go into stand up comedy. Maybe you could actually use some of what you’ve been doing to help your career. You want to “help me” because I’m going to “lose” the IIW World Championship? Man keep puffing on that magic dragon and let me know when you figure out HOW you’re actually going to outsmart me in our showdown. It’s good that you picked some comedies to watch though because I’m sure you needed a good laugh that didn’t come from looking at yourself in the mirror. I don’t give a damn about your little Match.com profile you created, congratulations, I’m sure you’re having a lot of fun with that but this Sunday night all of your stupid little games come to a screeching halt. For all of the comedic value you and your woman provide, I’m sure some people will be a little upset when I permanently shut your mouth. But you know what Joey? I can’t believe that I am about to say this but the level of idiocy you provide never ceases to amaze me. I look like I’m on drugs everyday but yet you clearly took enough acid to find some alternative dimension in which not only do I duck and dodge title defense but you winning the World Championship from me is actually doing me a favor? I’m the one that’s friends with Pookie? Listen you little queef this ain’t New Jack City but at the conclusion of our ladder match at Keys 2 Success I will be saying “Rock a bye baby” to your bitch ass…quite possibly once and for all. Or maybe you’ll shock us all and go to the back of the line, return to defending the International Championship and gain yourself another shot at the big one. Trust me Joey Boy, I’ll still be here waiting for you.
Yawn! Johnnie Cav opened his mouth and mimicked the sound of a yawn. It was clear that The One Man Dynasty was growing a bit exhausted when it came to Montuori. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t under his skin, it was just sheer annoyance at this point.
John Cavanagh: I’ve never stepped in the ring with a man of your credentials? Quite the way to put down your old boss, your old buddy and your current ally all at the same time. It’s almost like you really don’t know what you should be saying. You could be making enemies of the same blind maggots that follow you in The Mecca or in your little inter-promotional group of friends. The one all the men want to be and all of the women want to be with? Can you give me a motherfuckin’ “Wooo!” at the end of that one pal? Thank you for blessing the entire world with your best Ric Flair rant impersonation. See, it seems quite clear that people who just do their best to emulate or surpass previous talents by “borrowing” their go to lines usually fail to live up to those in the industry with a bit more creativity. You think that I’ve met my match in the ring when it comes to you but you haven’t seen everything that good old Johnnie Cav is capable of. If you think you’ve seen every trick up this potato eaters sleeve you’re even more delusional than I thought.
IIW’s Final Boss took a breath. He had heard that Joe Montuori had never lost a ladder match. “How fitting?” he thought. The Mecca continued to try and stack the odds against the World Champion but he was prepared for this.
John Cavanagh: This match couldn’t happen if Joey couldn’t find another way to give himself what he believes is an advantage. Maybe you’ve never lost a ladder match and to that I applaud you it’s not an easy accomplishment. It’s a grueling match, it can be quite a bitch in all reality. I’ll give you props on that but this time is going to be different. You claim I’ve never faced someone of your caliber but the last time someone said that they found out the hard way that they couldn’t get the win over me on the grandest of all stages. Now it’s your turn to crash and burn in front of the entire world. Now it’s time for Johnnie Cav to teach this little prick Joe Montuori what fighting for the IIW World Championship is all about. The hour of your judgment inside of the squared circle is nearly upon us and I’ve got to be honest, your outlook ain’t looking all too great. You can chant that I can’t win over and over again, do the best you can to comfort yourself and stroke your ego, make sure that you one hundred percent believe that The Mecca leaves Keys 2 Success with MY championship. I’m sure you need to do such things to keep yourself warm at night while that little slut is getting railed by the starting offensive line for the New York Giants. Keep continuing to compare yourself to fighters, movie characters and football players but keep in mind, genius, none of those people have ever stepped foot into a wrestling ring. As a matter of fact if I hadn’t been watching you wrestle over these last few months, if all I had ever done was heard your promos, I would assume the only thing you had in common with those people is your lack of experience. Take the promotions you’ve carried, count ‘em up, I’m sure my tally is right around the same. It’s a battle of two guys who have been around the block quite a few times and are guaranteed to continue on in this sport for years to come assuming neither of us ends the other one’s career.
Cavanagh paused for a moment. What an idea he had struck. It was as if a lightbulb went off atop his head. Could it be? Could this be his opportunity to TRULY rid IIW of The Mecca?
John Cavanagh: Joe, you haven’t done anything to push me to such extremes as to attempt to purposely end your career but if that’s the limit I’m going to have to go to on Sunday night then so be it. This is going to be a war, the amount of gore in this one is not going to be for the faint of heart. Joe Montuori and John Cavanagh are about to go to war over the IIW World Championship in a ladder match that is going to make the Keys 2 Success Ladder Match look like an afterthought. Joe, the time for talking is over, the time for battle is almost upon us. When the smoke clears at the conclusion of Keys 2 Success you will finally completely understand why John Cavanagh is the number one wrestling in this profession as you’re laying on your back looking up at me holding the game’s most prestigious prize high on top of that ladder. Maybe that will teach you some humility. See you on Sunday.
The scene cut to static.
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