Post by Osh Vaughan on Mar 16, 2021 1:26:31 GMT
Original Airdate November 2007
This is pretty much be talking a load of random crap and trying to make a story of it. I'm sure some people will like it some wont. But if you DO like it please leave feedback.
It is not done to offend anyone [apart from maybe Adam Bradley] And all characters are in no way based off their real life persona [apart from maybe Adam Bradley] So hopefully you will enjoy.
IIW Halls
Osh – You ready for this Foz?
Foz – Damn right Osh… First day of university
Osh – Oh God.. It’s Adam Bradley! How come he ended up here as well. Thought we finally got rid of him. I heard he moved to DC.
Foz – No he was just calling himself DC Dude.. Don’t think he does that any more least I hope not
Just then a tall man walks over to them
Man – Hello there you must be Osh Vaughan and Foz Heat, I’m Alec Fleming the Head Tutor at IIW Halls, Let me show you to your rooms
Foz – Man, all this excitement… It’s really bringing out the kid inside me
Osh – Ha apposed to usual when you’re inside the kid?
Alec Fleming looks down at Osh.
Alec Fleming – I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Ah here’s another one of the lads who just moved In, he is Dwayne
Dwayne - yo Folks I Iz Dwayne, But that’s not cool so jus call Me Mr Pain
Foz Nods – Coz err Mr Pain is that much cooler than Dwayne.
Just then an Asian looking girl walks past.
Osh - DUDE did you see how much make up she had on!
Mr Pain - It was like a cake set to bake but its been on to long and now it looks like a schlong
Adam Bradley - whats a schlong
Mr Pain - Your dad beat your mum with one
Adam Bradley - My dad would never touch my mum
Mr Pain - a lot of other people have……
Adam Bradley - I’ll get them back then
Foz - I think her name was Vespertine, my parents know hers, they warned me about her
Adam Bradley - oh really?
Foz - her parents caught her with a dildo at age 11
Adam Bradley - Whats a dildo?
Foz - A fish
Adam Bradley - - whats wrong with it?
Foz - It’s a really tasty fish
Adam Bradley - uh huh
Foz - You should have it for tea
Adam Bradley - I’ll ask my mum tonight
Osh – Right Foz mate I’m off to unpack and sort things in my room see ya down stairs at 7 for that meeting
Foz – Sorted.
The Meeting 7pm
Alec Fleming – As you all may now know I am Alec Fleming the Head Tutor at IIW Halls. We do not permit bullying here. You may all be at university now. This is a new stage in your life your parents aren’t here any more
Adam Bradley – Mine Are!
Mrs Bradley waves at Fleming
Alec Fleming – Except Mrs Bradley.. Who has err moved in with Adam.
Osh and Foz are chattin between themselves as another kid walks up to them
Kid - Hi, Shit, fuck arse, I am Jonny C
Osh – Excuse me?
Jonny C – Sorry SHIT..I have Tourettes
Osh – Ah Oh I get ya, Yeah there was a kid at our old school with tourettes. You remember Danny F’n G?
Foz – Ah Yeh Well I guess we got a new one here… Welcome to the group Jonny F’N C
Jonny C – Thank Fuck for That its Shit fuckin hard to make friends with tourettes RAPE.
Osh – Ha I bet it has its advantages though.
Jonny C – True.. .Alec Fleming?
Alec Fleming – Yes?
Jonny C – FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD
Alec Fleming – WHAT WAS THAT!!!... Oh the kid with Tourettes, your excused
Osh – Ha ha legend!
After the meeting the students have parted and Osh and Foz are chatting with their new group of mates
Osh - Not bad class, that brunette in Anna didn’t look bad
Foz - that Vespertine didn’t look to bad either
Osh - not my type
Foz - Racist
Adam Bradley - that’s the guy who blew me a kiss earlier
Osh - The janitor?
Foz - Charlie Schmidt? Wasn’t he the guy who saved that dog from a tree only to have it mysteriously die of internal injuries?
Suddenly the lads walk past a chained off door. On the door is scribbled some letters as well as DO NOT ENTER
Osh – What the fuck is that?
Jonny C- Hey that’s my line fuckface!
Osh – Sorry
Jonny C – What is that shitty cunt writing?
Foz – ATM?
Osh – What the hell is ATM?
Foz – Isnt it a cash machine?
Jonny C – Why must we keep clear of it though?
Osh – Don’t know might be haunted
There is a loud monster like noise made as the guy’s quick foot it away… They accidentally stumble into some guys room
Adam Bradley – Eugh.. Whats that small
Osh – Err well Adam that’s the smell when you know you’ve become a man?
Jonny C – Hi there, sorry for stumbling in your room..
Guy – S’alrite I’m David Hilm by way but you can call me Stoner
Adam Bradley – Hey.. David you look a bit old to be here…
Stoner – Yeah I’m 26
Adam Bradley – How come your still here?
Stoner – Never graduated… Was always to high to go to uni.
Osh – I can see how you got your nick name then
Adam Bradley – How?
Osh – Oh some one shoot him!
Stoner – So yeah welcome to IIW Halls.. The place is alright. That Alec Fleming is a bit of a dick though, we got a bad feeling he’s got a fetish for dressing up.
Osh – If you’ve been here for so long.. Do you know whats down in that locked room.. With ATM wrote on it?
Suddenly Stoners eyes light up
Stoner – ATM? Lads don’t go anywhere near there… The rumour is there is a monster down there.. The rumour further states that he has eaten 2 students in the past and not even the police go down there to deal with him after he ate half a police squad. Do whatever you want here but avoid ATM and his evil dungeon!
Stoner - Hmm Or Maybe I was High...
Mr Pain – Wow that is wicked sick, tho that ATM sounds like a dick.
Stoner – Also, I’d advice running for Student Halls Rep. It always has it’s advantages.
Osh – Advantages eh….
The Next Day
Osh – Welcome Foz.. I have a stunning announcement to make.
Foz – Your running for student halls rep?
Osh – How you guess?
Foz – I Just put 2 and 2 together and got 4.
Osh - Ah well done.. Last time Adam Bradley attempted that he got aids.
Osh - Foz meet my campaign manager
Foz - your only running for Student Halls Rep.. Not for bloody council
Osh – Maybe…But ten I decided to start an Orange Soda Stand
Foz - your creating your own oranges?... How old are you?
Osh - nope im running for Mayor!
Foz - you mean Student Halls Rep?
Osh - erm yeh
Rob Owens - yes thats right with our slogan "If Vince McMahon can have a son who’s a Leprecaun and can run through walls and Be Respected They Why Cant Osh Be Student Rep" we are bound to win
Osh - and our backup slogan
Rob Owens - yeh ok "Vote Osh and He Will Deliver More Orange Squash!"
Foz - i think you have a good chance, who you running against?
Rob Owens – Adam Bradley
Foz – Ok.. So is there much point in this election may as well just give you the award Osh
Osh – Aye especially after we infiltrated some of Adam’s backroom team
Foz – Yeah?
Osh – Aye. Stoner slipped a cheeky finger up Adams Mum in return for his stratergy.
Foz – Haha
Osh – Jokes on us it was coded.
“I wlli mke A gud stewdent hollls rep cuz I leik ol fings in the world.”
Foz – Fuck knows what that means bud
Osh – Well lets get on with it
In The Common Room – Osh and Rob are trying to raise public opinion of Osh for the election later that evening.
Rob Owens: VOTE OSH AND GET YOUR ORANGE SQUASH!!!!!!!!!..........OSH WILL SQUASH HIS OPPONENTS.........OSH IS TOP NOSH.......OSH WILL WASH AND SQUASH HIS OPPONENTS.......VOTE FOR OSHY Q AND HE WILL BE TRUE TO YOU! YOU WILL MARVEL AS HE DROPS THE OSHBOMB! VOTE OSH NOW!!! HE WILL LAUNCH AN OSHAULT ON ALL PROBLEMS IN THE IIW HALLS! VOTE OSH AND HIS COMPANY IN!!!
That Evening
Alec Fleming – And the winner and Halls Rep… Osh Vaughan
Osh and Rob walk outside.
Osh – Wicked sick Rob we done it, Were in the power… 50/50 Yeah?
Rob – Deal
Osh – Cool … Hold on Rob I’ll see you across road just got to tie my shoe lace
Rob – Cool Cool
Osh gets down to tie his shoe lace as Rob Owens crosses the road. THERE IS A LOUD NOISE as Rob is mowed down by a car.
Rob Owens lies there motionless as the credits roll
This is pretty much be talking a load of random crap and trying to make a story of it. I'm sure some people will like it some wont. But if you DO like it please leave feedback.
It is not done to offend anyone [apart from maybe Adam Bradley] And all characters are in no way based off their real life persona [apart from maybe Adam Bradley] So hopefully you will enjoy.
IIW Halls
Osh – You ready for this Foz?
Foz – Damn right Osh… First day of university
Osh – Oh God.. It’s Adam Bradley! How come he ended up here as well. Thought we finally got rid of him. I heard he moved to DC.
Foz – No he was just calling himself DC Dude.. Don’t think he does that any more least I hope not
Just then a tall man walks over to them
Man – Hello there you must be Osh Vaughan and Foz Heat, I’m Alec Fleming the Head Tutor at IIW Halls, Let me show you to your rooms
Foz – Man, all this excitement… It’s really bringing out the kid inside me
Osh – Ha apposed to usual when you’re inside the kid?
Alec Fleming looks down at Osh.
Alec Fleming – I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Ah here’s another one of the lads who just moved In, he is Dwayne
Dwayne - yo Folks I Iz Dwayne, But that’s not cool so jus call Me Mr Pain
Foz Nods – Coz err Mr Pain is that much cooler than Dwayne.
Just then an Asian looking girl walks past.
Osh - DUDE did you see how much make up she had on!
Mr Pain - It was like a cake set to bake but its been on to long and now it looks like a schlong
Adam Bradley - whats a schlong
Mr Pain - Your dad beat your mum with one
Adam Bradley - My dad would never touch my mum
Mr Pain - a lot of other people have……
Adam Bradley - I’ll get them back then
Foz - I think her name was Vespertine, my parents know hers, they warned me about her
Adam Bradley - oh really?
Foz - her parents caught her with a dildo at age 11
Adam Bradley - Whats a dildo?
Foz - A fish
Adam Bradley - - whats wrong with it?
Foz - It’s a really tasty fish
Adam Bradley - uh huh
Foz - You should have it for tea
Adam Bradley - I’ll ask my mum tonight
Osh – Right Foz mate I’m off to unpack and sort things in my room see ya down stairs at 7 for that meeting
Foz – Sorted.
The Meeting 7pm
Alec Fleming – As you all may now know I am Alec Fleming the Head Tutor at IIW Halls. We do not permit bullying here. You may all be at university now. This is a new stage in your life your parents aren’t here any more
Adam Bradley – Mine Are!
Mrs Bradley waves at Fleming
Alec Fleming – Except Mrs Bradley.. Who has err moved in with Adam.
Osh and Foz are chattin between themselves as another kid walks up to them
Kid - Hi, Shit, fuck arse, I am Jonny C
Osh – Excuse me?
Jonny C – Sorry SHIT..I have Tourettes
Osh – Ah Oh I get ya, Yeah there was a kid at our old school with tourettes. You remember Danny F’n G?
Foz – Ah Yeh Well I guess we got a new one here… Welcome to the group Jonny F’N C
Jonny C – Thank Fuck for That its Shit fuckin hard to make friends with tourettes RAPE.
Osh – Ha I bet it has its advantages though.
Jonny C – True.. .Alec Fleming?
Alec Fleming – Yes?
Jonny C – FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD
Alec Fleming – WHAT WAS THAT!!!... Oh the kid with Tourettes, your excused
Osh – Ha ha legend!
After the meeting the students have parted and Osh and Foz are chatting with their new group of mates
Osh - Not bad class, that brunette in Anna didn’t look bad
Foz - that Vespertine didn’t look to bad either
Osh - not my type
Foz - Racist
Adam Bradley - that’s the guy who blew me a kiss earlier
Osh - The janitor?
Foz - Charlie Schmidt? Wasn’t he the guy who saved that dog from a tree only to have it mysteriously die of internal injuries?
Suddenly the lads walk past a chained off door. On the door is scribbled some letters as well as DO NOT ENTER
Osh – What the fuck is that?
Jonny C- Hey that’s my line fuckface!
Osh – Sorry
Jonny C – What is that shitty cunt writing?
Foz – ATM?
Osh – What the hell is ATM?
Foz – Isnt it a cash machine?
Jonny C – Why must we keep clear of it though?
Osh – Don’t know might be haunted
There is a loud monster like noise made as the guy’s quick foot it away… They accidentally stumble into some guys room
Adam Bradley – Eugh.. Whats that small
Osh – Err well Adam that’s the smell when you know you’ve become a man?
Jonny C – Hi there, sorry for stumbling in your room..
Guy – S’alrite I’m David Hilm by way but you can call me Stoner
Adam Bradley – Hey.. David you look a bit old to be here…
Stoner – Yeah I’m 26
Adam Bradley – How come your still here?
Stoner – Never graduated… Was always to high to go to uni.
Osh – I can see how you got your nick name then
Adam Bradley – How?
Osh – Oh some one shoot him!
Stoner – So yeah welcome to IIW Halls.. The place is alright. That Alec Fleming is a bit of a dick though, we got a bad feeling he’s got a fetish for dressing up.
Osh – If you’ve been here for so long.. Do you know whats down in that locked room.. With ATM wrote on it?
Suddenly Stoners eyes light up
Stoner – ATM? Lads don’t go anywhere near there… The rumour is there is a monster down there.. The rumour further states that he has eaten 2 students in the past and not even the police go down there to deal with him after he ate half a police squad. Do whatever you want here but avoid ATM and his evil dungeon!
Stoner - Hmm Or Maybe I was High...
Mr Pain – Wow that is wicked sick, tho that ATM sounds like a dick.
Stoner – Also, I’d advice running for Student Halls Rep. It always has it’s advantages.
Osh – Advantages eh….
The Next Day
Osh – Welcome Foz.. I have a stunning announcement to make.
Foz – Your running for student halls rep?
Osh – How you guess?
Foz – I Just put 2 and 2 together and got 4.
Osh - Ah well done.. Last time Adam Bradley attempted that he got aids.
Osh - Foz meet my campaign manager
Foz - your only running for Student Halls Rep.. Not for bloody council
Osh – Maybe…But ten I decided to start an Orange Soda Stand
Foz - your creating your own oranges?... How old are you?
Osh - nope im running for Mayor!
Foz - you mean Student Halls Rep?
Osh - erm yeh
Rob Owens - yes thats right with our slogan "If Vince McMahon can have a son who’s a Leprecaun and can run through walls and Be Respected They Why Cant Osh Be Student Rep" we are bound to win
Osh - and our backup slogan
Rob Owens - yeh ok "Vote Osh and He Will Deliver More Orange Squash!"
Foz - i think you have a good chance, who you running against?
Rob Owens – Adam Bradley
Foz – Ok.. So is there much point in this election may as well just give you the award Osh
Osh – Aye especially after we infiltrated some of Adam’s backroom team
Foz – Yeah?
Osh – Aye. Stoner slipped a cheeky finger up Adams Mum in return for his stratergy.
Foz – Haha
Osh – Jokes on us it was coded.
“I wlli mke A gud stewdent hollls rep cuz I leik ol fings in the world.”
Foz – Fuck knows what that means bud
Osh – Well lets get on with it
In The Common Room – Osh and Rob are trying to raise public opinion of Osh for the election later that evening.
Rob Owens: VOTE OSH AND GET YOUR ORANGE SQUASH!!!!!!!!!..........OSH WILL SQUASH HIS OPPONENTS.........OSH IS TOP NOSH.......OSH WILL WASH AND SQUASH HIS OPPONENTS.......VOTE FOR OSHY Q AND HE WILL BE TRUE TO YOU! YOU WILL MARVEL AS HE DROPS THE OSHBOMB! VOTE OSH NOW!!! HE WILL LAUNCH AN OSHAULT ON ALL PROBLEMS IN THE IIW HALLS! VOTE OSH AND HIS COMPANY IN!!!
That Evening
Alec Fleming – And the winner and Halls Rep… Osh Vaughan
Osh and Rob walk outside.
Osh – Wicked sick Rob we done it, Were in the power… 50/50 Yeah?
Rob – Deal
Osh – Cool … Hold on Rob I’ll see you across road just got to tie my shoe lace
Rob – Cool Cool
Osh gets down to tie his shoe lace as Rob Owens crosses the road. THERE IS A LOUD NOISE as Rob is mowed down by a car.
Rob Owens lies there motionless as the credits roll