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Post by Kalvin "Kal" Dayspring on Apr 21, 2023 13:40:29 GMT
Maybe, just MAYBE Florida Man will avoid arrest long enough to make it to the arena for Riot Act on time this week for his debut match. If so El Landreson still angry after being screwed out of even attempting to win a title last Combat will surly enjoy having a real match this time. El landerson Florida Man
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Post by El landerson on Apr 30, 2023 9:12:35 GMT
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Post by Florida Man on May 3, 2023 16:04:10 GMT
CONGRATULATIONS ARBY
A home video camera is rolling tape with the shot set up on a banner that reads "CONGRATULATIONS ARBY!!" This type of home camera was obsolete 15 years ago but the price was too good to pass up on down at the Goodwill.
Woman's Voice: It's Arby's big day!
The shaky handheld camera shot drops down from the homemade banner to one of Arby Dillon, IIW Friday Night Combat's newest signing.
Arby: Thanks mama! I appreciate this big shindig you're having in my honor. I'm gonna make everyone here proud!
Arby's Mom (voice): Your daddy and I always knew you would go on to do big things and we can't believe come this time next week we'll be able to see you on the Netflix!
Arby's dad, Big Rob, walks into the frame. He puts his arm around Arby's head and gives him a noogie.
Big Rob: See, all that wrestling we been watching every week paid off now, didn't it?
Arby: Sure did! Hey, Uncle Steve's here! Uncle Steve, get on over here!
Uncle Steve, a sharp dressed man with slicked back salt and pepper hair, enters the frame and Arby gives him a big hug. Arby stands at his side and points to him.
Arby: Now Uncle Steve here is the best damn lawyer in Miami… scratch that… best damn lawyer in Florida!
Big Rob: Best damn lawyer in America!
Arby: Best damn lawyer in the WORLD!
Arby takes a swig of his Bud Light.
Uncle Steve: Thank you, Arby. Robert. I appreciate the kind words.
Arby: I especially want to thank you for having my back every time the law decides they want to mess with ol' Arby!
Uncle Steve: Well, Arby… I don't think the law is messing with you, per se…
Arby laughs along with his dad.
Arby: Well I don't know where I would be without you! If there's anything I can ever do for you, Uncle Steve.
Uncle Steve: Well… funny you mention that. If we could…
Arby (yelling): Poppins! Ralphie! Come here a minute.
Arby ditches Uncle Steve and scoots over to two guys who have just entered the room. The tall one with the trucker hat is Perry Poppins and the short skinny one with the glasses is Ralphie Mund.
Arby: For all those in the future watching this tape for when they make the Arby Dillon documentary someday, these are my two best buds Poppins and Ralphie. We been makin' trouble since the 3rd grade. One time Ralphie here heard about some Rolex's that fell off a truck down by the TPC Sawgrass and…
Poppins (interrupting): Hey Arby, gotta talk to you outside.
The scene cuts to the real world no longer filmed with a home video camera. Arby is holding a joint and yammering away with his friends in the backyard.
Arby: Man, I hate drugs and what they been doing to people around here.
Ralphie: Hey are you gonna smoke that or what?
Arby: Oh yeah.
Arby takes a big rip off the joint and immediately coughs.
Poppins: I can't believe you still got all that stuff up.
Poppins points over at a wooden platform that's about five feet in the air with a ladder nailed into it.
Ralphie: Almost broke my damn arm jumping off that thing!
Arby: Yeah mama and daddy got a call from the child protection service after that teacher saw the video of us doing stunts off that thing. She should have minded her own damn business!
Poppins: It feels like yesterday we were jumping off roofs and shit in your backyard and here you are going to the big time. Cheers to you, Arby Dillon.
Poppins raises his beer into the air and the three childhood pals clink them together and take a swig.
Ralphie: Arby.. close your eyes a minute. I got a good surprise.
Arby: Okay… this better not be anything nasty.
Arby closes his eyes and Ralphie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a luchador mask. He slips it over Arby's head.
Arby: What the hell?
Ralphie: Check it out!
Ralphie puts his phone up to Arby so he can see what he looks like through the front camera.
Arby: I look like El Landerson!
Poppins: It's an El Landerson mask, Arby!
Ralphie: We have a small batch now but we're about to have HUNDREDS of them!
Arby: Why on God's green Earth do you have all these El Landerson masks?
Ralphie: Because they're worth at least ten thousand dollars after we get them all sold!
Arby: We gotta sell 'em?
Poppins: You’re gonna be at the shows anyway! We might as well sell them in the parking lot and make ourselves some coin.
Arby is quiet for a moment and then removes the mask.
Arby: Yeah, I don’t know about that… I’m gonna be real busy wrestling at the shows and I don’t know if El Landerson would like it very much if I was selling his merchandise.
Ralphie: Arby, you’re not seeing the big picture here! This is going to be very, very lucrative for us. This will be bigger than the time we were moving those Pepper Pig fondue sets. And besides, why do you care if El Landerson is mad that you’re selling his masks? Aren’t you supposed to be beating him up anyway?
Poppins: Yeah! Aren’t you the one that’s supposed to get in that ring with him and show him who the new top dog is around Friday Night Combat?
Ralphie: Yeah!
Poppins: YEAH!
For at least the ten-thousandth time in his life, his buddies successfully manage to rile him up.
Arby: YEAHHHHH you boys are god damn right! I’m gonna lace up them boots real good, march down that aisle with a purpose, get into that ring and before El Landerson knows it, that ref is going to be counting one, two, three!!
Arby is getting all worked up and shootin’ straight from the hip now.
Arby: El Landerson, you can bring your wife, your daughter, your mama, your daddy, hell you can bring your granddaddy too! You can bring ‘em all down to Atlanta at Riot Act so they can see me beat you up and down that arena. I’ve been waiting a long time to get my crack at the big time, El Landerson, and I don’t plan on losing on my very first outing!
Arby puts the El Landerson mask back on and rushes over to the stunt platform. He climbs the ladder and continues his rambling.
Arby: Now El Landerson, you might be the Bit Luchador who amazes everyone with the way you take to the skies but ol' Florida Man here can do that too! You think you can fly high? Well I can fly higher and you'll know, El Landy, when I come crashing down on top of you. I'm gonna embarrass you in front of the entire world! I'm gonna make you look stupid!
Arby throws a peace sign up in the air and does a front flip off the platform and lands on his feet with cat-like skills.
Arby: We're gonna make some money off these masks and if El Landy has any problem he can take it up with me in the ring!
Ralphie: Hell yeah, brother. I’m going tonight to pick up the rest of them. Poppins can’t make it. Can you roll with me, Arby?
The scene cuts to night where Ralphie is behind the wheel of a pickup truck and Arby is riding shotgun. We join in the middle of Arby babbling away.
Arby: Y’know I’ve been trying to come up with some good moves to bring with me to IIW Combat. I think I’m gonna do the classic Shooting Star Press. People like the Shooting Star Press.
Ralphie: I think that’s a good one. Hey, I need to grab a pack of smokes real quick. Watch the car?
Arby: Sure thing.
Ralphie pulls into a Wawa gas station parking lot and parked right by the entrance to the convenience store. He exits the car and makes his way into the shop while Arby sits in the truck, daydreaming of the not so distant future where he’s performing in an IIW Friday Night Combat ring. Hard to think in just a few short days the dream of this kid from just outside of Jacksonville, Florida will be on Netflix in front of a worldwide audience. Arby closes his eyes and smiles at this thought.
BOOM
Arby is jolted back to reality by the sound of a shotgun blast from inside the Wawa. Ralphie is on the ground with a pistol next to him as the clerk stands behind the counter with a shotgun in hand.
Arby: Oh no, oh shit, oh dammit….
Arby opens the truck door and begins to step out when he notices a surveillance camera inside the store. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bootleg El Landerson mask and places it over his face and sprints into the store to help Ralphie.
Clerk: You want in on this action as well, Spider-Man?!
Arby: No! Just let me help my friend out of here.
Clerk: Fat chance!
The clerk raises the shotgun. Arby immediately leaps to his feet and jolts down the candy aisle as the clerk pulls the trigger. Bags of candy explode, emptying their contents all over the shop floor. The clerk comes out from behind the counter with the shotgun as Arby takes cover under the coffee station. Arby peeks his head around the corner where he makes eye contact with Ralphie. Ralphie gives him a thumbs up to indicate he’s OK.
Arby jumps up to his feet and makes a dash across the store. He figures if he could just keep outrunning the shotgun blasts that the clerk has to run out of ammo some time. Another blast of the shotgun shatters the glass of doors of the cold drink refrigerator. Arby runs behind the clerk’s counter and takes shelter. He looks down the candy aisle and sees the clerk coming down and ready to pull the trigger once more but he slips on a pile of loose peanuts on the ground. He manages to get some air time off of this slip and somehow manages to land right on his head, knocking himself unconscious.
Arby picks up Ralphie in a fireman’s carry and lifts him into the truck.
Ralphie: Arby, you gotta get those masks from the guys.
Arby: You got a god damn hole in your leg and you’re worried about the masks?! Damnit, Ralphie! Why did you have to rob that liquor store?
Ralphie: Times are tough, Arby…
Later that evening...
Arby walks into his bedroom and immediately pulls off his blood soaked clothing. He clicks on the TV and sits on his bed and he’s dumbfounded by what he sees.
News reporter: A bizarre scene at this Nocatee Wawa gas station where an employee has been left with a broken neck in what looks to be a robbery gone horribly wrong.
Arby (whispering to himself): Oh fuck…
News reporter: At around 9:50 PM tonight, two men entered the store and attempted to commit robbery when a gunfight ensued.
A photo of EL LANDERSON appears on the screen.
Police Officer: We do have a primary suspect in this incident. The security footage has given us belief that this robbery was committed by a professional wrestler who goes by the name “El Landerson.”
Arby looks down at his bootleg El Landerson mask on the floor.
Arby: Uh oh.
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