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Post by Osh Vaughan on Aug 24, 2021 0:36:07 GMT
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Post by Jake E Dangerously on Sept 4, 2021 2:16:46 GMT
A sunny afternoon in the dying days of summer. It's one of those days you hope for all summer long, sun's out, but it's not sweltering. Tanned long-legged women are about in cut offs that send you back to the days of Daisy Duke if you're of a certain age. If not there's nothing wrong with enjoying the view anyway.
This view of summer splendour is a dog park. One of those places where families go to get some much needed exercise with their beloved pooch, or sexy singles go to meet other dog lovers. If you're currently in the employ of IIW, you're probably here for the World Champion, who is currently sitting alone in the middle of a bench, arms outstretched to either side enjoying a moment of tranquillity.
“A Man had a dream once.” I'm sorry, what?
The World Champion removes his round mirrored sunglasses, and smirks. “Oh sorry, should I have started with a long time ago? That's how all the best stories start, right” He puts his sunglasses back on and sits back against the plain wooden bench again. “A long time ago, a man had a dream. Of course, he was no man then. He was just a boy back when he had this dream.” A young dog, full of energy and life runs by barking at only the type of things young dogs bark at, be it flies or flowers or clouds, maybe at life itself. That will be fitting enough soon. “Much like that young puppy there. In fact, VERY much like that young puppy. This particular pup dreamed halcyon dreams of being a kept lap dog, of being looked for and cared for all it's life, that life is footloose and fancy free.” “But it was just a dream.” “Soon our young puppy had life catch up to him. His father, being a mongrel was caught by dog catches, maybe eventually hit by a car. Life caught up to this puppy, and hard choices had to be made. That's the way the world works, right John Cavanagh? That puppy was you, and your dreams were over.” “So what happened to that puppy? Well the same thing that happens to all pups like him. He was soft from the beginning, so he wasn't about to go hungry. Why settle for what his mother could provide when he could go out into the world and provide some pain of his own?” “You see people, or dogs as the case is, like John, they don't ever learn to accept responsibility, which tells me that if his story is true he was never all that close to his hard working mother. After all, John, if you were then you'd respect that hard nose to the grindstone earning whatever living you can life.” “But that's not you, John, you're all ego and blame. You see what others have and instead of earning your own you take, then you use prison like a security blanket to justify the mistakes you pile up in your life. Mistakes that lead you to prison in the first place.” “Instead of seeing from the obvious example sitting right there in your path you blind yourself through shallow justification. You took the easy road and have went through GREAT pains in life to try and convince everyone otherwise, but you're not all that complicated. You're actually extremely simple. You try to use mind games and tell yourself that you're smarter than your opponent, but it's really just to try to obscure just how predictable you are.” He takes the sunglasses off again. “Sooner or later you were going to be set in front of me John, and you started your journey here in IIW by telling yourself you were putting me off until you felt like it, but you were being built up to see if you're even worth my time.” “But back to you, John. See, you had some choices early in life right? You could have gotten a job to ease your mother's burden. Sweeping floors, delivering papers, I don't know... Fucking recycling... Anything really, but that wasn't good enough for you, you're spoiled. You'd rather go for that easy pay off and rob some folks, deal some drugs, do whatever you think is hard living because the streets chewed you up and spit you out because you think they're mean and they're cold and you have to take anything before anyone else can get their hands on it.” “That's a coward's lie and you believed in it with all your heart.” “So you went to jail, John-boy, and began the next big lie you based your life on; that you're HARD. You're not hard, you're one of those chocolate covered marshmallow things they sell for Halloween. On the outside you look like you're all hard chocolate in the shape of a mean old witch, but inside you're gooey marshmallow.” “You're so soft I had to go mix metaphors. Let's get back to yours for a minute.” He looks around observing the various types of dogs in the park. Big, dumb, happy, energetic ones. Old, worn-down just trying to grab a nap types. The small yippie kind that never shut the fuck up because they are the centre of the universe. And of course the hard bastard types. You know the ones, some poor pit bull or doberman who's got an ass hat of an owner. The dog barks at everything that moves like it's looking for the closest limb to tear off while the owner catcalls women half his age. This is your typical John Cavanagh type. “You think you're hard, having been thrown in a cage and underfed your whole life. You think you're big and hard now because you got used to being caged up in that yard and learning how to fight just enough to beat those other dogs into submission. You think you're an alpha. You grew a bit bigger and louder, just enough to control those dogs around you when you're locked in you little pen.” “Then you get out and you think that little pen was hard. It was hard and cold and you had to fight for something and you get out and you think you're the toughest pup in the world. So you take the little pack that you've made subservient to you because they know once you've eaten your fill then they can have whatever is left and you go looking to pick fights. You pick fights with other dogs you see around just like you because you're the biggest and the baddest in your own mind so you have to show everyone else.” “Big dog.” “You bark and you bark and to get heard over the other dogs in your little yard you learned to bark pretty loud, but along the way you fell in love with the sound of your own bark. Now you think it's the biggest and best because it's yours. You don't see that it's nonsense, that the loudest bark doesn't mean the best fed dog.” “But that's about all you've got, so you go barking the loudest and sicking your pack on any poor dog who should get in your way. That worked to a point. It worked when you were out there surrounded by your little Paw Patrol and you had your on little yards to run around in acting tough like the mean streets forced you into being something hard. Those are the choices you made, John. No one else. You picked the fights, you barked the loudest.” “Well now I've heard you.” He leans forward resting one elbow on his knee.
“The problem is, you're not in obedience school anymore. This isn't even some dog park where you can prowl around pushing all the little puppies who are soft and cuddly like you are around anymore. You've gotten lost, John. It's a big, big world and you're WAY out of your element.” “See John, while you were out there making mistakes and learning to survive the way your dad taught you, by lying, cheating, stealing... That kind of thing... I learned the way I was brought up. You say you're tough and had to learn not to depend on someone yet once you got out of jail you formed a gang. A fucking GANG. You depend on everyone, it's the only way you know.” “You depend on those in your gang to follow your lead and make the gang stronger, and you depend on the rest to provide everything else. All the things you have no idea how to do yourself. Shelter, food... Money. Something you know nothing about.” “The Celtic Club. You guys did a great job preying on people in FCPW. So great it's closed.” “If anyone is keeping score at home...” He sits back and smirks. “Then you already know it was bought up by IIW. Good job John, you clamped your jaws so firmly around the neck of FCPW that you bit it's head off, and then you brag about it. Brag about killing the company you were champion of because all you know is the senseless brutality of bleeding something dry. Take and take and take and then leave.” “Now you're here in IIW, and now that stops.” “See John, you're used to being the big bully in the yard because that's who you thought were kings. Jailbirds SO mad at themselves they had to physically take it out on everyone around them.” “I'm an animal of a different type.” “I spoke earlier about survival John. About how you learned from your dad that taking meant survival. I learned that surviving is surviving. How to build a shelter out of what you find around you. How to hunt for food and not just stealing it. Earning money instead of taking it. You look at yourself and you see the toughest person around, this mistreated pit bull on the end of a choke chain and you think that has made you the toughest. I earn money doing something you never have and something you don't understand. Respect and hard work. That's how I draw money. See unlike you, Cav, I'm not put against the top guy to make it look like I can draw money. I don't need to be propped up so my own fragile ego can get stroked. It's why we're not in the main event of Up In Smoke. You're just not that great of a contender.” “Personally I'm OK with it. On my own merits you can put me against anyone and I make top money because people know they'll get what they were advertised. They'll get the top dog. The real alpha. Not one with a pack surrounding him to prop him up. Not one that needed help from his last big opponent's dad to get the job done. I'm the guy that CARRIES a company, not the guy that destroyed one.” “You think you're the top dog, but there's no yard anymore. You're in the wild now. Not a concrete “jungle”, the true wild where survival means nothing more than surviving. You learned in a jail. You were taught tough, you had to learn hard. You merely adopted the strength, subverted it for your own ends. I was born into it, raised by it, nursed on it. I didn't know your weakness until I was a man.” “You live to take, John Cavanagh, I take to live. That's why people respect me. You don't kill when you don't need to kill. You don't eat when you don't need to eat, and you don't take just to have.” “You think your story makes you who you are. It does. You think your story makes you special and unique, it does not.” “Greed doesn't make you special, it makes you mean. It's drawn you into being arrogant. You're human, John Cavanagh. Jason Myers taught you about your own mortality. It's a lesson you haven't learned. I know you haven't learned it because I heard what you said to Anthony Phoenix. Not all that stuff about him not being in your league, which was true enough, or any of the stuff about you roots, which is mostly a bunch of bullshit to make some sheep farmers feel proud about farming sheep.” “I heard what you said about being a champion. I heard you rattle off the same thing that everyone who gets a gold belt has said for years. Every mediocre moron who thinks he's tough because he comes around at the right time, has a hot streak at the right time, wins some mid card title at the right time tells themselves... That belt is the biggest trophy and everyone who comes after will be better for me having held it.” “You know what past great name has held the International title and makes people like you look better for holding it? Me. For all those history buffs still keeping score at home, I've never lost that title. For people like you John, just look at the accolades of the people I've beaten while holding the IIW World Championship. That's the top title. It's not the top title because I'm like you, John, and I say so. It's the top title because I prove it. I'll defend it against anyone, but the better quality of opponent I have then the harder I compete.” “You see being champion as a trophy John, and that might be good enough for the girls you go out with, but around here we need a bit more. Come Up in Smoke John, you bring your big shiny trophy and I'll show you the true burden of a champion. It's not just barking the loudest. It's not being the biggest scrapper in the yard. It's being something bigger. A more primitive hunter untouched by your ideas of hardship. It's being the lone wolf that carries IIW.” “Be the champion you are, John Cavanagh and hold your trophy highest. While you do that I'll be doing what you couldn't. I'll keep IIW alive. I'm the best not just because I can take down the biggest opponent, John. I also cull the heard. I pick off the weak so the the stronger can survive. You look at your history and claim greatness. Look at mine John. Names which once burned hot and bright lay in ruin behind me. Ruined by their own hubris. Loud barking yard dogs who think they knew survival, all they did was draw attention from leeches who would ruin the whole. Are you really a big dog, John, or are you just a big bark. My title reign has lasted longer than the company you came from. That's the difference between a champion and a trophy holder. Consider that and I'll see you later.” Fade.
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Post by The Celtic Club on Sept 5, 2021 1:43:12 GMT
Part One: For the Night"I did some wrong, but I'm always right Said I know I how to shoot, and I know how to fight If I tell you once, then I'll tell you twice I'm real discrete, like a thief in the night" The scene opened to grainy, black and white footage of “The One Man Dynasty” John Cavanagh holding up a big gold championship belt in an arena emblazoned with banners reading “Empire Wrestling Federation”. John had just become the inaugural EWF World Champion at their first pay-per-view event and he was flanked by Shannon Riley and Andy Donahue as the broken, battered and bloodied body of his opponent, “The Unbalanced” Lou Natic, lay in wreckage. The scene cut from the grainy footage to hear a faint drop of water plummeting to the ground, the camera focuses in on a small puddle of water on the pavement. The droplet falls, landing perfectly in the center of the minuscule puddle—yet the droplet still causes a ripple effect. A foot steps down onto the puddle, causing a rush as the water squirts in every direction from underneath the construction boot. The camera pans up to show the battle hardened face and broad shoulders of John Cavanagh.
John Cavanagh: ”So, another edition of IIW Monday Night Mayhem and yet another night where Johnnie Cav showed the entire world why he is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of boots. I’ll keep this a little shorter than normal—as I’m sure plenty of people watched the “go home show”. A fool by the name of Anthony Phoenix thought it would behoove him to step inside of the squared circle and challenge for my IIW International Championship. Well, what did everyone think was going to happen exactly?”
Cavanagh paused for a moment with a faint smirk spreading to the right side of his face. He took a breath through his nostrils and let out a soft chuckle.
John Cavanagh: ”Yeah, exactly, I didn’t need an audience present to know what the shit heads at home thought. The instant that Anthony Phoenix was able to call himself the number one contender to the International Championship—the writing was on the wall. Not only was that writing on the wall for Anthony, but, it was in vibrant, bold, large red lettering sprawled across a plain white background. Anthony knew walking into that contest that he had absolutely no chance of walking out of Mayhem as the newly crowned International Champion. There ain’t no way in hell Johnnie Boy was going to let that shit slide. You all heard me tell Anthony that he was going to fail in his quest to dethrone The One Man Dynasty. You all heard me tell Anthony Phoenix that he would be defeated. Then, at Monday Night Mayhem, the entire world watched as poor little Anthony’s hopes and dreams, crashed and burned in the center of the ring.”
The Hell’s Kitchen Irishman spat to the ground before taking a few steps closer to the camera.
John Cavanagh: Now, lets face it, Anthony Phoenix ain’t exactly the cream of the crop around these parts but if the mutt was able to hold the Television Championship than he must have had at least a few ounces of talent coursing through his veins. Phoenix, before I stop dropping your name and move on from your pathetic existence, I have to extend a slight amount of gratitude to you.”
John moves his left hand into the main focus of the camera while holding his index and thumb finger just centimeters from one another.
John Cavanagh: ”Just a little cunt hair, ya know? I’m not really trying to build up your confidence that much. You did provide me with, shall we say…a little bit of a warm up contest. It’s kind of like a tune up, or a pick up game, or an exhibition of some sorts between two teams. See, I knew before I ever faced you that you didn’t have what it takes to defeat me so although the outcome was a foregone conclusion—you still helped to get me ready for the next step. This next step, this is a step that pretty much everyone involved with the IIW has known was going to happen from the moment the ink dried on my contract.”
Up and down went the head of the International Champion. A full blown smile overtook the face of John Cavanagh—it was clear that even if others weren’t “in the know”, he sure as hell was.
John Cavanagh: ”When Osh Vaughan decided to bring The Celtic Club into this promotion, it was the smartest financial decision for the company. He knew that there was one big money match that he would have up his sleeve. Now, Oshy Boy, he might not have had the opportunity to be the guy in charge when this big money match was finally booked but, you can all thank him nonetheless. Jake E. Dangerously…John Cavanagh…Up In Smoke…IIW World Championship. Got quite the fucking ring to it…don’t it? The man who has been the World Champion around this pig sty basically since Osh opened the doors back up. I guess that makes Jake E. Dangerously some kind of IIW Legend or legend in the making or some quaint, nonsensical term like that. Now, I’ll save the world the entire laundry list of bullshit accomplishments that either of us have previously accrued—we all know the way that works in the world of professional wrestling. “It doesn’t matter, that was then, this is now”…”I wasn’t there to make the difference”…et cetera, et cetera. I won’t get into the nitty gritty on everything I’ve ever done because we all know Jake will just try and shoot accomplishments from placing like FCPW, EWF, XHF, FCW, CPW and all of the other alphabet soup combinations you can come up with mean jack shit here in the IIW. And ya know what? He would be one hundred percent, correct. Jake’s got a mouth on him, its almost as if he thinks his shit don’t stink like the rest of us. Maybe he has some kind of “chosen one” thing going on in that noggin of his or maybe he’s just been drinking a little too much of the Kool-Aid.”
The Irishman cracks his knuckles before beginning to speak again.
John Cavanagh: ”When the marks at home and the boys in the back look at Jake E. Dangerously they are looking at the man they all know as the IIW World Champion. The man that has been able to lay claim to the top of the mountain around here for quite some time now. That’s cute and all but all I see when I look at Jake E. Dangerously is Bob Mitchell’s little lap dog. Some little fluffy Maltese, dust mop looking thing that was meant to keep fleas off of the wealthy. And the worst part about it? That pathetic excuse for a canine keeps barking and barking and barking with its blood curdling yap until the god damned Pit Bull in the room can’t take it anymore. Then, when that Pit Bull finally decides he’s had enough of the pathetic cunt bullshit that’s been going on around here, and grows sick and tired of that obnoxious pest. That’s when that Pit Bull finally snaps and bites the head off of that little punk Maltese known to us all as Jake E. Dangerously. That’s when the gasps make for a deafening echo, that’s when the blood is spilled and THAT is when the true carnal side of that Pit Bull that finally unleashed onto the IIW.”
John began to laugh at the picture he had construed in his brain. He knew from the start there was going to be plenty of pain in Jake E. Dangerously’s future—and he couldn’t wait to be the source of it.
John Cavanagh: ”Jake…it seems as if the moment IIW opened its door there has been a contingency of people vying to be that Pit Bull. Some of them tried and failed. Let’s be completely honest about the situation, you already know it and I do, not everybody in that locker room can really hold a candle to a guy like you…or a guy like myself. See, that’s the whole issue for the IIW…the talent kinda falls off after the Cavanagh/Dangerously tier pretty precipitously. The entire locker room is about to witness the BEST possible matchup that this limey promotion can mustard up. Huh, I never really thought about it this way, but, you know each and every single sorry sack of shit in that locker room probably can’t wait to watch you and I lock up, Jake.”
Cavanagh’s head bobbed up and down. He had never really pondered the thought previously, there were plenty of guys that had history with Jake, plenty who had history with John…and then there where a few who had history with both.
John Cavanagh: ”Guys like Jonny C, Phoenix, The Purge and Fred Debonair—they’re going to LOVE each time you strike me or I strike you. The two biggest assholes in the entire promotion square off for the IIW’s grandest prize—they all know I’m going to beat the piss outta you and you’re going to beat the piss outta me…and they all fucking love the sheer idea of it. Matter of fact, come to think of it, this match at Up In Smoke…it’s a win for everybody. The boys get to watch us knock each other senseless, the fans get their money’s worth, the office gets their big payday, you get to throw down with Johnnie Cav for the night and little old me?”
Johnnie chuckled and looked away from the camera for a moment before swiveling his head back.
John Cavanagh: ”Oh yeah, your current reigning International Champion will also then be calling himself your new World Champion. That’s right, all of the dirt sheets, all of the so called “influencers” on social media posting their live updates…get ready for that #AndNew to start trending right behind #IIWUpInSmoke.”
The blonde haired Irishman smiled while he glanced off to his right hand side for a moment.
John Cavanagh: ”Alright, alright…let me give credit where credit is due. Jake has been here since the promotion relaunched, he won that World Championship and he’s basically been doing the best he can at carrying the rest of the refuse that stinks up the locker room to success. Jake, to this point, you’ve been able to run through the competition. You’ve been able to take the hits as they’ve come and adapted when you needed to. Those are, in fact, all of the skills that a champion needs to possess not only in order to gain the championship….but more importantly, hold onto it defense after defense. Now, lets be blunt about the reality though. Just as you would say if I sat here and listed my laundry list of accomplishments—the talent just ain’t quite up to the same par. You defeated men for that championship belt that can’t hold a candle up to me and you know it. Now, whether you’re going to be man enough to admit that is an entirely different story. But, in all actuality, I don’t give a flying shit one way or the other on your ability or inability of being a man. You can admit it or you can deny it—but at Up in Smoke…Johnnie Cav is going to walk down to that ring and he is going to show Jake E. Dangerously that he has yet to share the squared circle with someone on my level. Jake can beat up on fools like Jonny C and Ryan Hawkins and call himself the dominant World Champion if he wishes but we all know neither of those knuckleheads could square off with me and have a snowball’s chance in hell at survival. So, with that being said, your last opponent—Ryan Hawkins—he might have been a nice feather in the cap defense but I didn’t see anybody comparing Hawkins to Johnnie Cav. Hell, we even had an IIW employee, a journalist at that, Mike Fisher, claim that Anthony Phoenix was the “perfect warm-up for Jake E. Dangerously”.
John began to belly laugh, this was a deep laugh that lasted a bit longer than his customary chuckle. It was clear that Cavanagh had found Mike Fisher’s comparison comical.
John Cavanagh: ”Hell, man, you’re on HIS level? Now, I know that can’t be true…can it? Could it really be that all of this time the IIW World Champion wasn’t any better than a guy who just can’t seem to get the job done when it matters the most? Shit, Jakey Boy, I’m really hoping that ain’t case…really because if it is, hell I get why the offices backed up the Brinks trunk to bring me in here. Maybe the journalism around these parts is just as suspect as the officiating or something like that.”
The One Man Dynasty paused for a moment with a serious expression overtaking his previously playful gaze.
John Cavanagh: ”All jokes aside though, Jake, I know Mike Fisher may have understated your abilities a bit, maybe he just doesn’t like you…not the hardest thing to believe. I’m sure, to some, you’ve earned the right to call yourself the World Champion. Hell, I can’t sit here and say you’re not the World Champion—that is most certainly an accolade that you can claim, my friend. But, one thing that Jake E. Dangerously isn’t going to be able to claim? That he is the best wrestler or the toughest bastard in that locker room. I know I’m a tough bastard, I know I’m a great wrestler and I’m sure Jake will say the same thing regarding himself but at Up In Smoke only one of those “great wrestlers”, only one of those “tough bastards” are going to walk out as the IIW World Champion. I can’t say I have a crystal ball, I’m not writing quatrains over here so don’t start calling me Nostradamus but at Up In Smoke…I will be that “great wrestler”, that “tough bastard” that hoists up Jake’s championship as well as his own to call himself the ONLY man to hold the IIW World Championship and International Championship. Jake, before you say I’m getting ahead of myself…look at the track record. I came here and called out the International Champion and then I took the championship off of Tyler Debonair as easy as squashing an ant. When Anthony Phoenix stepped up to the plate I told him exactly what was going to happen to him when he challenged me. That’s two for two Jake, you could say that good old Johnnie Cav is batting a thousand right now. Wait until Up In Smoke, enjoy your time with your championship and calling yourself the best, because when we lock up Jakey Boy…The One Man Dynasty is gonna hit that son of a bitch out of the park one more time and leave you crumbled in the center of the ring like I’ve done to so many others.”
John stares into the camera as the scene cuts to static.
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Post by Jake E Dangerously on Sept 7, 2021 23:29:32 GMT
“I'll give you one thing, Cav, you do a half decent job of taking chicken shit and selling it like it's chicken salad.” The World Heavyweight Champion stands there, arms crossed, smirking in front of an IIW banner. “That's really all you add up to though. A bit of tough talk, but if anyone actually listens to you they hear you come off as a door to door door salesman. You're selling something everyone needs to people who are already full up. IIW happens to be full up on phony tough guys.” He starts to pace back and forth. “First there's that sales pitch. You actually based you whole argument on ONE match with Anthony Phoenix? Really? Welcome to reality Mr. Cavanagh. Since literally the first card IIW put on since IIW reopened the doors Anthony Phoenix has been running scared away from me. Night one round one of what became the IIW World Championship tournament I was set to face the guy who you believe was a nice warm up for me, but instead of getting in the ring with someone he knew was way out of his league, he ran away and claimed he was attacked backstage.” “And, you're asking yourself how do I know he ran and wasn't actually jumped before our match?” He stops pacing to face the camera again.
“Because ever since I became World Champion I've had an open invitation for Anthony Phoenix to face me for my title on any night he chooses and never once has he taken me up on it. There was a little period there a couple months back when he actually dared to open his mouth about it but just the slightest look in his direction shut his mouth and sent him running again.” “But you he ran at. He went straight for you. Now what's the big difference? You believe in the hype John, I don't need hype. If someone told you that Anthony Phoenix was a nice warm up for me then, pal, that's on you. Someone a bit brighter might have laughed in the face of whoever said that, but you just ate it up because you're gullible enough to believe what you want to hear.” “That's why the next thing you did was use the exact same metaphor I laid out for you. Not only that, like the big dumb idiot you are you believed everything you wanted to, because that's the only level of work you're qualified for, believing what you want without looking into anything any deeper than the surface you want to see.” He smiles and almost laughs. “Really John, if you want us all to take you as the big bad you think you are then at least put in enough work to think up of your own thing. Bob's lapdog? Come on, man. I not only signed to IIW before Bob was more than just a mouthy manager, but I was World Champion too. And you? You got that big fat contract FROM Bob because he saw you and a whole fucking gang of guys beat Jonny C over in Canada.” “It took you a whole gang to beat Jonny C and I'm going to circle back to that bit later.” “But it humours me to listen to you piggyback off my dog metaphor because you're a big bad pit bull and you had to pull it back to your own little yard again because that's where you feel safe and secure and not have to admit that you're scared and alone in the wilderness and you're telling yourself that rustling you hear in the bushes is just a little Maltese so you can safely lay your head down at night, but son, that sound is the Wolf, and he smells the blood of the weak in you and come Up In Smoke, well that's an appropriate name because that's where everyone's hopes for the great white Cavanagh are headed.” He finally un-crosses his arms to reveal he's wearing Jonny C's Professional Buffoon T-shirt. “If you cared to do any amount of work you would have known that you're out of your depth here, but you're trolling the shallow waters in IIW and it shows. See for one Cav, you could face literally anyone your first outing here, but Big Dick Cav chooses what he's most familiar with, and faces the son of his old rival. Take the nice safe easy road and face your boy's boy. Then you face the top of the mountain in the UK Champion and don't even know what title he has. Ryan Hawkins is the TV Champ. He won that title for the right to face me. Phoenix was the UK champion.” “I say was because, good job, it looks like you ran him off for now. Before you go trying to use that accomplishment to measure your dick size look up Sam Hessingstock and what he did after I beat him.” “I know looking at anything sounds like work and you can't be bothered, but unlike everything you've ever done where fourteen people noticed and you think that's an accomplishment, what I did was right here. You talk about history but you haven’t even bothered to see it. I've lived it. If you knew anything you'd know I'm not just the top champion in IIW, I'm the top champion in all of wrestling, and how do I do something like that?” “I'm the longest reigning World Champion of all time. As impressive as that record is, I did it by beating my own record, one I set in 2007. You're Johnny Come Lately in IIW, but I built this up to be what it is. Not Bob Mitchell, not Osh Vaughn, and definitely not John Cavanagh. Every time someone like you comes along and claims to be the greatest gift, I build it back up again.” He smirks again. “You mentioned a wrestling god, John, because... Look I get that you assume every one of your opponents is exactly the same and they all are exactly like you because you can't fathom a world in which you aren't the best, but reality is checking in here. Rixton Ruin. Sam Hessingstock. Michael Hunter. Shaun Taylor, Jason Fenix. You know what all those names have in common John? They were all guys exactly like you, guys who came in here thinking they were going to be the #ANDNEW and became nothing more that a #FOOTNOTE. That's why you're up against me now. You talked about how everyone is looking so forward to this match John.” “You're right, everyone wants to see it. They're all waiting with baited breath and you have the shallow intelligence to think it's because you're as good as they say. You mentioned Jonny C earlier and that's funny because he's the closest one. He keeps giving me a run for my money and every time I beat him he comes back and gets better. That's what people want to see. You come in here with all this hype and this speculation and the obligatory Aphagetti of title soup that you need to get in the door and you think that makes you man number one. That just gives you enough hype alongside beating the guy whose title you don't know and the kid of the actual guy you wanted to fight and that's just enough for people to want to see you take up a real challenge.” “But what you don't know is that everyone knows you wont win. We just want to see if the real man you claim to be has enough balls to pick them up after he loses and comes back for more. Jonny C is the only guy that can really make that claim so far. Jonny fucking C. I dropped him with his own move and still he comes back. Meanwhile it took you a fucking gang of people to get a fast count on him. That's embarrassing. Then you have the audacity to walk in here off the back of a company you put out of business and claim this company sucks.” He shrugs a good old fashioned snarky Jake E Dangerously style shrug. “Are you that type of man? The kind that gets back up when you get knocked down? I highly doubt it. Bruised Ego is probably a move that will end your career. You talk about going 2-0 like it's a big deal. I'm what 6-0? Do we count Anthony Phoenix chickening out? It doesn't matter. I lost my first Pay Per View match in IIW and it didn't set me back. I kept going. Jonny C ended my first reign as World Champion, but I got back up and I made him pay dearly. That's what everyone's waited with baited breath to see. Is John Cavanagh for real or is it just more hype like all the others.” “It's the difference you can't see, or maybe you can and you know it's true. You shit all over the other guys in the back, you shit all over all the fans who pay to watch us. You slobber over how much money you're going to get paid to set foot in my ring, and you think you have some right to be there because you did stuff no one cares about. You want to think you're worth big money, John, but who earned this place all the money to keep coming back every time some shithead like you bankrupts it? Who keeps it in the black after that guy from Netflix steals it all and they throw the rest at you? Me. People keep paying because they know I'm fucking hard to knock down and every time I do, rare as it is, I'll get back up. No one knows it about you. You're just another big mouth these people are paying me to shut.” “That's the secret formula to IIW's success. That's why you have to be the best of the best to be the best here. You have to prove it every day, every match. I didn't become an IIW legend because I did a bunch of stuff somewhere else. I'm an IIW legend because I do it still to this day. Tooth and nail I earn every inch of that ring every time I step in it and tooth and nail I'm going to have fun proving to you I own every inch of that ring at Up In Smoke.” He holds up the IIW World Championship.
“This is what you're looking for John. You know it too. You took the International title, but it's not what you're here for. Anthony Phoenix wasn't your warm up for me, the rest of your career was your warm up for your shot at this.” He holds it in both hands so everyone can get a proper look at it. “This is why you came to IIW. This is why you took the money. You NEED this. You need this to make everything you've ever said true. You NEED this to legitimize everything you've ever done. You need this because it's the one thing keeping you from being the made man you've laid awake at night and dreamed of being. You see how this trophy, not one like this, just this one made the career of others, but deep down you know there's one truth that's going to haunt you the rest of your days. THIS is MINE. You called it that. You said when you stand in the ring and hold MY title over your head. That's the way it plays out in your dreams, but even there reality seeps in and you know it will never be yours. This is the top championship in professional wrestling because I work hard to make it so. Not past tense. WORK HARD. Every time I step in the ring for the past fourteen years now I've made this championship the biggest thing in the world and you know that's what your up against at Up In Smoke. Not some guy who has held the belt for a few months. Not some guy who's just kinda the best right now. For fourteen years I put this company and this championship at the top, and you haven't got the attention, the attitude, the talent, or the work ethic to even come close to challenging that.” “What you do have is enough hype behind you to get the title you managed to snag so far, and one match against me to have as that feather in your cap. The night the pit bull tried his luck against a wolf. You can't win, but if you're as good as the hype at least you'll make them remember you.” Fade.
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Post by The Celtic Club on Sept 10, 2021 0:22:50 GMT
Part II: Demeanor“Eleven dollars an hour, ain’t enough to live So I’mma go in every store and I’mma swipe the shit They’re trying to lock a boy up and I’m like fuck a bit ‘Cause either way, mommy still gonna love her kid” John Cavanagh: ”Don’t worry I ain’t gonna loose my cool over spilled milk.”
The scene opened to a look of relief coming over the faces of Trigger Cavanagh and Andy Donahue. The two men had failed John once again, this time they weren’t even getting an opportunity at the tag team championship.
John Cavanagh: ”Trig…I don’t know what it is with you two lately but you two gotta get on the same page.”
Trigger Cavanagh: ”I know Johnnie—we just, our heads been in the clouds lately.”
Andy Donahue: ”Lots of shit going on in the neighborhood, boss.”
John Cavanagh: ”I know Andy—it ain’t the time nor the place for that shit though.“
Trigger Cavanagh: ”What do you need from us?”
John Cavanagh: ”I need you two to get your asses in the ring, to the gym, hit the track whatever the fuck it is that you two think you need to improve to make sure that next time you have a Tag Team Title opportunity—I’m not the only Celtic Club member holding a championship.”
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Of course bro, we’ll figure it out.”
Andy Donahue: ”Yeah, boss, soon you’re going to have two belts…right?”
The camera finally pans to John who was seated behind his desk in the back office of The Blarney Stone bar and grill in Hell’s Kitchen, New York. The blonde-haired Irishman’s right eyebrow shot in the air at Andy’s question.
John Cavanagh: ”Right? You’re kidding me…right?”
Trigger took a step to his right, putting a small amount of distance between himself and Andy. Andy looked to Trigger confused, Trigger smiled back and said…
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Social distancing, man.”
Andy looked back to John, still puzzled.
John Cavanagh: ”You doubting me, Andy Boy?”
Andy shook his head rapidly.
Andy Donahue: ”No way! I wouldn’t do that…I’m just making sure is all, ya know? I know you got shit on your mind and I just heard what the prick Dangerously had to say…”
John Cavanagh: ”Yeah, so did I. I’m glad that you’ve been paying attention to all of my shit in between reps at your grandfather’s gym. That little snake must have a soft spot for four legged critters with a wagging tail and wet nose.”
Andy looked to Trigger unsure what to make of John’s long winded response.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”He’s talking about dogs, man.”
Andy Donahue: ”Oh, shiiiit. I should have caught that one, my bad guys.”
John Cavanagh: ”It’s ok Andy Boy, you ain’t here for your brains, kid. I’ve never been shy or ashamed to admit that to your face. The funny part is this piece of shit is actually telling the world that I’m sitting here and living a lie. That Johnnie Cav, of all the people in this world, is telling himself lies to gas himself up. I don’t know how many time Jake was dropped on his head as a child or how many boxes of paint chip Cheerios he ate but at least he’s got one hell of an imagination.”
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Imagination? I wouldn’t say so…his name gives that away.”
Andy laughed at Trigger’s remark.
John Cavanagh: ”You could say that again, Trig. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty damn sure this idiot was drunk or high one day watching some old tapes of the NWA and WCW.”
Trigger chuckled at the remark, meanwhile Andy looked like a deer in headlights. Trigger looked over to Andy and patted him on his shoulder.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”A little before your time, huh kid?”
The Cavanagh brothers share a laugh together, as the expression goes “youth is wasted on the young”.
John Cavanagh: ”Alright, Andy Boy, let me teach you a little something today. See, way back when—like thirty fucking years ago there was this little stable called the “Dangerous Alliance”.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”I wonder what Jonny C’s punk ass would call them.”
John Cavanagh: ”I know, he’s so original with his little “Celtic Cunts” bullshit. Trig, please don’t interrupt again—we all know how difficult it can be to explain things to Andy without interruptions. Anyway, Andy, this Dangerous Alliance had quite a few names in it—Rick Rude, Steve Austin among others—and ya know who pulled all the strings? Who the puppet master of that group was?”
Andy shrugged his shoulders and cocked his head back a bit.
Andy Donahue: ”Naitch?”
The younger Cavanagh brother could no longer contain himself. Trigger began to burst out laughing which led to a visibly annoyed look from the elder Cavanagh brother. Trigger brought his head up to catch his brother’s glare and immediately stopped his laughter.
John Cavanagh: ”Not Flair, he was in a group called The Four Horsemen. This group, the Dangerous Alliance, its mouthpiece was Paul Heyman. Only thing was, at the time Paul wasn’t known to the world as Paul Heyman—Paul was called Paul E. Dangerously!”
Andy Donahue: ”You’re kidding me right? This dude Jake named himself after some failed Paul Heyman character?”
John Cavanagh: ”I mean its either that or he must really be sitting there living his lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong here boys…I ain’t saying good old Jake E is going to an easy victory or a push over. I’d be lying if I said that, shit, we all know that nobody makes their way to the top of a promotion without at least being able to hold their own inside those ropes. You guys know me, this neighborhood knows me, hell most wrestling fans know me enough to know that Johnnie Cav ain’t gonna sit around a bullshit ya. I ain’t the type to sit there and tell the entire world Jake E. Dangerously should be called Jake B. Cautious or some stupidity like that. Jake is dangerous, and he will be even more dangerous when I get my hands on him at Up in Smoke.”
Andy Donahue: ”More dangerous? You say that like its a good thing Johnnie.”
Johnnie looked at his brother Chris and motioned his hand towards Andy as if to say “explain this for me”.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Johnnie loves him a little danger Andy, just look at the life.”
John Cavanagh: ”Ding, ding, ding! Hit the nail right on the head! A little bit of danger is what makes life exciting. Who the hell wants to sit around all day with a remedial job, barely making enough scratch to get by all because you like to play it safe. Why is Jake going to be more dangerous at Up in Smoke? I think the entire world can tell just by the bullshit he spews from his mouth. For the first time since the IIW re-opened its doors…the man’s man of the promotion finally realizes that he’s no longer alone on his level. The World Champ, he’s grown complacent, he’s so used to being able to share the ring with inferior talent and now he’s fully aware that he’s going to have to turn up a few notches this time around.”
Chris Cavanagh: ”A few notches? Prick ain’t never been in the ring with a Cavanagh before…”
Andy Donahue: ”Yeah, shithead might wanna think about build a whole new engine.”
John Cavanagh: ”Now, ya see, its thoughts like those ones that get you two in trouble around here. Both of you took Team Friendship and The Purge so lightly that not only are you not IIW World Tag Team Champions but you’re not even booked in a match at Up in Smoke. See that? How the mighty have fallen!”
Andy’s head shoots to the ground, he was delighted that John said he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of another Celtic Club lose but that just went right out the window.
John Cavanagh: ”Seriously, its thoughts like those that are holding my baby brother and The Heir Apparent back from becoming the most dominant tag team in this sport and realizing their true potential! Now, the both of you, pay close attention to what I have to say regarding my opponent at Up In Smoke. I’ve already told both of you, it ain’t gonna be a walk in the park. I’m gonna have to fight, I will be in pain and there is a pretty high probability of me bleeding and even getting injured. Why? Because Jake E. Dangerously is going to be the MOST dangerous he has ever been inside of a wrestling ring. Jake is done toying around with all of the boys that we share locker rooms with. Those boys have that same mindset that you two have. They can beat EVERYONE because they’re BETTER than EVERYONE! Great, grand…people say I talk a lot of shit and they’re spot on about it. Jake, is either a really good fucking actor at downplaying his fear or he’s a lot less of a threat than I give him credit for. I’m going with the first option—because I’d rather be prepared for Jake being a worthy opponent and a worthy World Champion. That is the difference between someone on my level and Jake’s level and someone on, oh shit I don’t know...Jonny C’s level? The entire god damned Debonair clan’s level? The Purge’s level? Anthony Phoenix’s level? Or, better yet, your levels.”
John looked to his brother and protege, he attempted to hide it but it was clear a look of disgust and disappointment had overcome The One Man Dynasty’s face.
John Cavanagh: ”Sorry boys, I guess the tough love is a little rough—especially after I told youse I wouldn’t berate you today. Back to Jake, while he may his generic “look at me, I’m gonna leave you bloody” moniker that doesn’t take away the fact that he’s already faced a good portion of this roster and laid waste to the majority, if not all, of his competition. I’m pretty certain Jakey Boy has been growing a little bored of picking a shiny toy out of his toy box and playing with it just to realize, it wasn’t made of the quality he needed. Unfortunately for Jake, this time when the spoiled brat of a World Champion opened his toy box…he found a John Cavanagh who wasn’t ready to sit and listen to him. Hell, he even said it, since the day I got here I said I would get to Jake E. Dangerously when I was good and ready. I told everyone at World’s Collide that when Johnnie Cav looked at the roster he wanted to teach Tyler Debonair a lesson in respecting those who came before him and paved the way because that was more important than dethroning the World Champion. I told everyone from day one that at some point, I would be coming for Jake E. Dangerously and that beautiful IIW World Championship. So, now, let me pose a question to you two. Why did I say I’d come for Jake E. Dangerously when the time was right?”
Andy Donahue: ”You wanted to make sure he was weaker or injured when you got him in the ring.”
Trigger Cavanagh: ”No moron! Johnnie doesn’t need an injured Jake E. Dangerously…and he’s not even injured so what are you smoking?! Johnnie, its pretty obvious that you wanted to teach Tyler a lesson first then teach Jake one.”
John obnoxiously sucked the front his teeth.
John Cavanagh: ”Well, you’re both wrong but Trig at least you’re on the planet with your thought. Andy, share some of that weed with some of us later on ok…I wanna see unicorns too. The real reason I told the IIW faithful that I would come for Jake when the time was right was because of one simple fact—I knew that no one else in the roster was going to be able to get the job done. I saw Jake from the sidelines, he may not have taken a look at Johnnie but Johnnie was already sizing up his competition. I witnessed Jake take care of business and while scouting the rest of the locker room…I didn’t see anyone else holding a candle to the World Champ…yet. Now, there are some with the talent to but they still need to be molded into a completed project before playing on this level. I knew that I could go and defeat Tyler Debonair, teach him a little humility that his father never taught him and then…I could go get Jake or I could decide to lay low and just defend the International Championship for a bit. I debated it over and over—but, you guys know me…I can’t wait forever. Those two months it took to get in the ring with Tyler and take his championship felt like an eternity. With that being said, it was an unfortunate turn of events for Jake because I knew I didn’t want wait any longer than another two months before taking the most prestigious championship that the IIW has to offer. Jake can claim that his sugar daddy wanted to make sure that I was worthy of his time all he wanted to but um, if all it took to prove that was two victories…maybe Bob Mitchell’s bum ass should have just put Tyler Debonair and Anthony Phoenix at my feet a few months back. This way it could save him a few gray hairs from all of the uncertainty.”
Andy Donahue: ”Yeah, four eyes has got to have stock in whatever company owns Just for Men.”
Trigger’s head snaps towards Andy in a look of bewilderment.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Holy shit, he knows what the stock market is!”
John Cavanagh: ”I swear, the smallest things with you two…always sets you guys off on a tangent. My “paw patrol” oh how I need thee.”
The International Champion chuckled at the thought his champion gave birth to the universe—forming a gang once released from prison, needing a pack of dogs, not loving his mother…he knew Jake was intelligent and he seriously doubted Jake could be that street illiterate.
John Cavanagh: ”You boys, cracking up about the gray hairs on Bob Mitchell’s head yet neither of you guys even bring up the fact that Jake also insulted you two. Mentioning the life is one thing but getting his facts all misconstrued is an entirely other one. This neighborhood has been rearing criminals since The Great Famine. Yeah, its become gentrified, yeah its a dying tradition that may not make it past us and whats left of the crew but its a tradition nonetheless. Obviously Mr. Dangerously can’t fathom that some habits tend to die hard. I can’t recall any of us crying about the streets making us do horrible things—they just helped to shape the men we have become in life. Needing a gang? Not knowing how to survive? Maybe he doesn’t understand the way an enterprise works—you become the man because you prove that you are, in fact, the man…just like in the sport of professional wrestling. That’s why the life translates so well. What was The Dangerous Alliance? The Four Horsemen? The New World Order? You can call them a wrestling group, a stable, a faction all you want…in lay man’s terms, not industry terms, thats a gang for all intents and purposes. Sometimes does a gang use its strength in numbers to get what they want? Hell yes they do. But, if you had that opportunity and you didn’t take it…you’re either too slow to realize the benefit or too soft to take what you want.”
Andy Donahue: ”Boss, I got no problem paying Jake a little visit in the parking lot before the show to teach that mutt a lesson.”
John shook his head back and forth.
John Cavanagh: ”You’re kidding me, right? You want to give this prick EXACTLY what he says? Why so the soon to be former World Champion can get on the Internet or show up at the next edition of Monday Night Mayhem crying the god damned Nile River about how that “gang” stole his championship? Now, while I will agree that a lesson needs to be learned—I will be the one to instruct that lesson. I will be the one to wrap my hands around Jake’s throat, pummel his face with my fists, kick his ribs with boots, drop him flat on his god damned head, make him scream for mercy and taste his own blood. He may think that good old Johnnie Cav is in need of a gang to get everything he wants but, as the record shows in my International Championship match with Tyler Debonair and my defense against Phoenix…Johnnie don’t need no gang to get what he deserves. Why? Like I said before, we all know I talk a lot of shit…but we also all know I can back it up. Jake, he probably knows that I’m going to back up everything I’ve got to say and doesn’t want to admit it to the world…probably never will in all honesty…but if for some reason, he doesn’t know it yet…he’s going to know it after Up In Smoke. He’s going to feel that knowledge the next morning in his aching body, he’s going to see that lesson learnt when he sees his face in the mirror, he’s going to remember the painful agony of his mistaken ways when he goes out on the stage at the next Monday Night Mayhem without the IIW World Championship for the first time since Osh Vaughan reopened the doors.”
Trigger nodded his head up and down.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”We like that, ain’t that right, Andy? Especially after the shit that douche bag said about our mother.”
Andy Donahue: ”Uh oh.”
John smiled, it was clear that the comments Jake made bothered him slightly—but he wasn’t about to let someone who knew absolutely nothing about his past make up falsehoods for the world.
John Cavanagh: “Yeah, uh oh is pretty spot on, kid. Jake wants to talk about my mother? Question my relationship with her? Hm, didn’t anyone ever teach this asshole not to bring mothers into a man’s argument. Claiming I’ve been living a lie when the “man” relies on middle school tactics of attacking familial bonds and traditions. Jake must think he’s Sigmund Freud or some shit….sitting up there on his pulpit psychoanalyzing Johnnie Cav and his thought processes, his background—next Jake is probably going to tell the world I have some sort of a self-destructive personality with sociopathic tendencies. Jake claims to know me but in all actuality the guy doesn’t know a god damned thing about Johnnie Cav other than what can easily be accessed by previewing my biography on the IIW’s roster page. You want to construct some thesis about me as if this were a doctorate program than by all means, be my guest. If anyone is feeding themselves a casserole of lies it certainly ain’t The One Man Dynasty. I don’t follow my mother? Does this asshole even know Kelly Cavanagh? If he did he would be a little more hesitant to mention my mother. Look, all is fair in love and war—but you leave the mothers out of it. I could sit here and talk about how I’m pretty sure my father used to pimp out Jake’s mother on Time’s Square for ten dollar blowjobs but, ya know, thats not only something that I can’t prove but its pretty god damned disrespectful. So, with that, I’ll leave the child to making mother comments while he pretends to understand the intricate workings of my mental processes. I bled FCPW dry, my ass. I was the only thing that promotion had going other than Fiona Harris. Why do you think Osh Vaughan opened up his purse strings to purchase FCPW in the first place? You think he wanted to have the FCPW trademark? You think it was the championship belts? The merchandise? It wasn’t any of that and you’re a fool if you can’t realize that! Osh Vaughan paid the piper to own a few contracts—most of those contracts have already bid adieu to IIW but the most lucrative investment he made…It’s still right here, The Celtic Club.”
Andy and Trigger shake their head in agreement, finally something positive about the faction that they could both get behind—despite their recent shortcomings.
John Cavanagh: ”Yeah, the best investment…the boys that are just here to chase the trophies and bleed this bitch drier than the Sahara. Cute little fantasy that Jake has cooked up for himself to believe. I really do hope that he’s a card carrying member of the actor’s guild with all of the shit he’s made up because I know this guy can’t be that stupid to believe that I’m just some soft, weak, needy, egomaniac…that just ain’t Johnnie Cav. Maybe he needs to pay a little closer attention to what I say to you guys about underestimating people. I don’t underestimate…I make evaluations based on talent I see. I spoke down to people like Anthony Phoenix for a reason—it only took a quick glance to realize he wasn’t going to be able to provide much of a challenge. Unlike Anthony, though, I haven’t said that about Jake. I’m fully prepared for Jake E. Dangerously to come down to that ring and be the most dangerous son of a bitch this locker room has to offer. I’m prepared for this beyond any battle I’ve had in IIW so far. I told Tyler he had the talent to be on my level but he wasn’t there yet…I beat him by myself one, two, three…NEW CHAMP! I said I’d destroy Anthony Phoenix…I DID IT! Jake can claim I’m just that guy who got hot at the right moment and won the “mid-card title”…a title he says he never lost. Well, that may be true, I haven’t been around IIW for all of those years past but one thing poor Jake is going to have to come to grips with…he will soon have to admit that he lost the World Championship to a man that he doesn’t think knows how to survive. Whatever tickles his fancy.”
John’s phone vibrates on his desk and he looks down at the screen.
Trigger Cavanagh: ”So, uh, John…what do you want us to do at Up In Smoke?”
John Cavanagh: ”Pay somebody a visit.”
Andy’s eyes lit up.
Andy Donahue: ”Jake?”
Trigger Cavanagh: ”Pretty sure thats a hard no unless its Jake from State Farm.”
John began to laugh.
John Cavanagh: ”You two really do kill me sometimes, you know that? Anyway, yeah, not Jake…Jake’s mine at Up In Smoke. I’m not listening to that pompous asshole bitch and moan about how he was right and he’s better than me because of this, that and the third. I plan on shutting him up myself. But, somebody else…they might need a little…reminding of where they stand in the IIW.”
Scene cuts to static.
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Post by Jake E Dangerously on Sept 11, 2021 14:31:22 GMT
“Do you ever get tired of saying the same thing over and over Cav? Because I'm pretty tired of hearing it.”
The World Heavyweight Champion is standing, arms crossed looking down at the ground.
“Like a true one trick pony though, you've only got the one trick so the minute anyone says they're tired of seeing that one trick and ask why don't you learn another you just get mad, get in a huff, and do that one trick all over again like it's going to make some big world of difference.”
He looks up at the camera, arms still crossed over his chest.
“One Man Dynasty. That's what you call yourself, only problem is your one man, another two men, and a woman too. One Man Dynasty. Then again these past few weeks have proved you're not really high on the IQ list.”
“I know you THINK you're pretty smart, after all you have to be right? You're tough, you're mean and that has to mean you're smart because the people you keep around you all think you are because you used your time in prison to read a few of those bathroom reader books so you could learn some new words and sound fancy to the people around you. Meanwhile out in the real world people see right through you and when they do you resort to doing the thing that everyone like you does when you get exposed. You get mean.”
He finally uncrosses his arms. He doesn't have anything there to hide, not even to protect. If anything it's more of an act of boredom with the routine of dealing with the types of men he has to deal with.
“So you know a bit of popular wrestling history, good for you.”
An obligatory slow clap for John Cavanagh's impressive use of common knowledge like it was some arcane fact he unearthed.
“You mention all these groups from the past, all these stables. You mention the Dangerous Alliance like it has anything but a passing relation to the matters at hand. You also drop names like the Four Horsemen. You know what the two of them along with all the other big groups like Degeneration X, the nWo, Evolution all have in common? Sooner or later they all broke up.”
“I know none of this is a big revelation to you, John, but since you're still running around with your little boys club, it has relevance. Those groups all broke up because they outlived their usefulness. The people in those groups outgrew each other and eventually learned they didn't need each other so they went their separate ways. Usually those things even ended pretty violently.”
“That suiting given the level of violence you keep threatening me with at Up In Smoke. Now to you I must be acting because how could I not possibly be phased by hearing all the things you want to do to me inside the ring? That's got to be a pretty impressive level of stupid right?”
He shakes his head and smirks.
“Someone here sure needs to learn a lesson, and it's not me, Cav. I get that you think you're some big bad violent man who's unlike anyone who's ever come before or after and we should all shrink out of your way or the Celtic Devil is going to get us right? You need to be taught a lesson on how to get over yourself.”
“Look into my eyes, John. There's no fear, and you know full well there's no stupidity either. You know there's neither because you know you're not as original or unique as you think you are. You think you're big and bad because you grew up on the streets of Long Island and you went to prison. You've been around this business long enough to know guys like you are a dime a dozen.”
“You also know full well that I haven't gotten to where I am by not having faced at least a half dozen of you by now. You're all great at talking a tall tale about how tough and how great you are, but none of you ever back it up, at least not in the ring with me. You're great at handling the Tyler Debonaires, the Anthony Phoenixs, and those hockey playing schmucks from FCPW, but when it comes to a real challenge, when it comes to someone who's faced your kind and not backed down, well that's where your security blanket club comes in.”
“You want to think of yourself as some business enterprise, that's fine. In your own words you're Blockbuster. You're an out of date, useless business that had no idea how to adapt and progress and when some newer, better, more efficient thing came along that evolved your business model to the next level, you died a quick painful death with only your ghost haunting the memes of pop culture to remind anyone you ever existed in the first place.”
“You talk about people needing to learn lessons, well your time has come. Your lesson in humility has already started and surprising no one, you're a bad student. You're a bad student because you just never learn how to adapt. You spew the same shit over and over about how you're tough and you're going to teach everyone the hard lessons, but there's not a thing you could teach anyone here other than those men you beat how to take a punch and get back up again. It's a shame you've never learned that lesson yourself, but you will soon.”
“See for you, John, it's all about throwing the hardest punch first. You throw one good hard one like you did against Tyler and Anthony and you just keep going. You've got this impression that you're a big fish, but for your whole career has kept to some smaller pools and kept yourself surrounded with this club so you can feel better about your own shortcomings, but you're not in FCPW anymore.”
“This is where insight comes in, Cav. You talk about having some, but you don't show any. You just say the same things over and over again in slightly different words to two morons because it makes you feel smart. Problem is you've been surrounded by morons so long you think that's what the world is like. I didn't just gleam the knowledge of who you are by a quick read of your bio, though it has turned out that's ALL I really needed to do because there's not really much else to you. A lot of sweet talk slathered over the same basic structure.”
“Now granted you're a bit tougher than most, but you're also way more arrogant. The cherry on top is that you're less than half as smart. After all, you figured, being surrounded by morons all the time, that I couldn't possibly have noticed this big talk about how you 'saved me for later', but also said this match has come quicker than you were planning. So which is it, Cav? Are you in complete control of your narrative or are you just going on a tangent about Bob Mitchell's hair just to cover up some pretty big logic holes in the tall tales you like to tell.”
“Like that of the previously mentioned Bob Mitchell. What's that about him again? Who cares. The actual narrative is that he brought First Class, and that includes you, to IIW in the first place. You credit Osh, but you barely know the guy. I've worked for that piece of work for years, but Bob only a few months. From what I understand old Bob there was in FCPW with you and your cronies and watched you bleed the place dry to the point where it, along with your contract could be bought out on the cheap.”
“You talk about you and Fiona Harris being the only ones of worth in FCPW, but as the last few weeks have worn on it's looking more and more like the truth I've been telling has come out about your former place of employment.”
He pauses to unzip the black and white striped athletic jacket he's wearing part way to expose his IIW logo t-shirt underneath.
“There are a few simple facts about IIW and about where you used to work that illustrate the undeniable difference between you and I, Cav. For starters, the obvious, yours doesn't exist anymore.”
He frowns.
“Mine dates back to 2006.”
Pleasant delight.
“Now I know you run with a really stupid crowd, so I'll break it down for you. Since 2006 something has kept IIW going. Every time it went away there was interest and demand, and every time I came back to it, it's grown. Having the best in ring talent in the world attracts all those, like you, who wish to test themselves, like Tyler Debonaire, to come and measure up against the very best. It also attracts people like you who believe you belong on this level and have just enough vocabulary to sell yourself to the people making the money decisions.”
“But while places that have the best draw in others like Russell Wayne and Bam Miller who want to be among the very best, places like FCPW wither and die. And why did it die? Because you bled it dry. You talked that guy Dunney into thinking you were a top draw, you were worth big money and that everyone was going to be richer with you around. Reality is harsh when it comes to your self delusions though. There was no one, other than Jonny C, but he's crazy, who wanted to stick around in FCPW. No big names or top competition got drawn in to compete and build it into something great. Of course you're delusional so you'll tell yourself that it was because everyone else was scared of you. Everyone fears the mighty John Cavanagh because that's your coping mechanism, to be feared. You can't possibly be lacking because everyone's to afraid to fight you.”
“Except no one's afraid of you, John. At least not here in IIW. Not here where there's a champion who openly welcomes all challengers. A champion who has carried this one brand and fostered a locker room of excellence over years of hard work. Even those lowly few you deem no worth your time are game enough and challenge themselves against the best. You laughed at Anthony Phoenix but he had the heart to throw himself at you headfirst. He might have underestimated you and came up short, but even in defeat he proved you're not as special as you think.”
“You're tough and a great talent, sure, but a One Man Dynasty surrounding himself with yes men is no man at all. You sure like to talk about how much of a 'man' you are though don't you? You leap up with boiling blood at the mention of your mother and how much of a disappointment you must be to her. You call it middle school antics and claim it's beneath you, as you normally do when harsh realities slap you in your pompous face. Hide from it all you like, it's true. Your mother, whom you hold so dear, is ashamed of you and what you've become and you know it. You dismiss it though, because she's your mother and you know she'll always love you just because your her kid. Love and disappointment are two very different things though. You take exception to it and you you call it a mistake, but it gets under your skin an in your head. Two things you've tried and failed to do with me, but failed entirely.”
“Sure you've tried your hardest. You did the whole you're making a mistake, you can't be that stupid, thing to let me know I'm getting to you, you've told me you're going to hurt me and make me bleed to let me know I'm REALLY getting to you. You've tried the Dangerous Alliance defence because you can't be bothered to learn even the basic facts about me or IIW for that matter, and claimed all I know about you I got from your bio because you're embarrassed that I saw you coming long before FCPW even closed it's doors. You told yourself guys like Jay Vaughn and Blade Alexander fled FCPW so they wouldn't have to deal with you when they ran here to face a champion who they knew actually meant something.”
“You tried to act like Osh Vaughn broke the bank to bring you here while overlooking his long rich history with making bad investments. When I pointed all that out you just pointed back at me like a Spider-Man meme to distract the internet you claim to not care about but bring up in every promo so they wouldn't notice that you're trying to blame me for not doing things you obviously have no intention of ever doing. You think I'm scared of you because I have to be, after all you're the big bad John Cavanagh, when you're the one that's scared of yourself. You're scared that you'll be exposed this Sunday for the man you really are, good, but not as great as you think, and far less great than you need to be to sit atop IIW.”
He unzips the jacket fully, showing off the IIW World Championship around his waist underneath.
“This is what you've come for, John, and to save face now you say you're ready, when it's me that has come to you. You're right about one thing Cav, I've become a bit bored here at the top, facing men who never quite live up to the hype. Unfortunately for you, you come with a lot more hype than everyone else that's come in for some time. You say you're the big bad who wont sit and listen when you know it's the other way around. I'm not asking you to sit and listen. I'm not even asking you to sit. I'm asking you to stand like the man you say you are and get in the ring and prove the hype that surrounds you is more than just a lot of big talk.”
“You can't do it John. You were just so full of yourself you never bothered to stop and really take it all in. You said you'd get to me when you were good and ready, but ready or not I'm here now. You're obviously not ready. You still think this is about you. You think hitting me hard and making me bleed is going to flinch, think again. I live my life in the most dangerous position to be in at the top of the mountain. Unlike you I don't live my life by saying I'm the best and pushing people around until they back down before they see through some lie. I earn that title every night and I put it on the line against anyone who thinks even for a moment they might like to call themselves the very best. It's been a minute since I faced someone as good as you are John Cavanagh, but it's far from the first time, and it sure wont be the last.”
“You ask what happens to Jake E Dangerously the Mayhem after I lose this title, but that just shows you have no idea who you're up against. Everybody in the building from the guys at ringside to the asses in the cheap seats to the guy mopping the floor in the back can tell you what happens. I get up, dust myself off, and get my title back. What everyone's wondering, and what we're going to find out is how you handle it. How are you going to deal with coming up short. What are you going to say about Osh's newest pet money project when you come to realize that he put all that money into you just to get one good match out of me?”
“What are you going to do... Let me rephrase that, how does John Cavanagh handle being the next great hope at taking the World Championship from Jake E Dangerously that comes up short and costing IIW and Osh Vaughn more than he ended up being worth? How does it sit with the Celtic Club when their leader who spits absolute truth ends up being exposed for the silver tongued fraud? That's the question we're going to answer. But don't worry John, after you've failed where many like you have tried and tried again you'll at least have the one title so you and everyone else will know your place here in IIW. You're good, your just not THAT good.”
“Maybe you'll regroup. Learn something from a guy like Jonny C about getting back up after I put you on your ass. Learn something from me and actually take the time to learn the first real thing about who your facing next time, because while you might be tough and mean you're just now getting introduced to the best. You learn those hard lessons and then maybe next time you come at me it won't be like Sunday when all your hopes and boasts about being the top dog in IIW go Up In Smoke.”
Fade to Smoke.
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Post by The Celtic Club on Sept 11, 2021 22:41:19 GMT
Part III: Make It Rain“Look, ain’t no apology, These haters doubted me, I keep a pole tucked Run up, catch a cold cut Put his head on his shoulder” The scene opens to a computer monitor and the face of Jake E. Dangerously, his voice pierced through the speakers from his previous promo…”you need this”…..”this is mine”….work hard”…that was enough. The sound of the promo cut off while Jake’s lips continued to move on the computer screen. The camera panned back to expose John Cavanagh sitting at a black leather couch in a pair of blue denim jeans and sleeveless Celtic Club shirt. Behind the couch the walls were covered in photographs of John and Shannon, their families and a few scattered championship belts. An opening in the wall gave us the most beautiful sight in the Hell’s Kitchen apartment—Shannon Riley/
John Cavanagh: ”Baby, this guy…I can’t anymore…”
Shannon shot over a puzzled look to John who’s face still stared off at the computer monitor as Jake’s promo ended. The Queen of the West Side approached her man from behind and rubbed the back of his shoulders.
Shannon Riley: ”What do you mean, John? You can’t what?”
John Cavanagh: ”This guy Jake E. Dangerously. I keep watching his tapes of his matches, listening to his shit-eating grin spew the same generic nonsense over and over again! Not only that…the guy’s life, just, so blah and pale and plain…kill me if I ever get like this guy!”
Shannon’s hands moved from John’s shoulders just as John began to rub the temples of his head in a counterclockwise motion. Shannon giggled, she always thought it was funny when someone got a little under John’s skin.
Shannon Riley: ”I’ll be the first to admit I don’t pay much attention to the guy but he definitely doesn’t strike me as the interesting type.”
John Cavanagh: Complete plain Jane. Guy seems to have no life, no existence outside of our profession. I mean, maybe that’s the way he likes it. Maybe he really just lives to be a professional wrestler. I guess he sleeps in the gym’s closet, wakes up and trains until he can’t handle it anymore, watches some tapes, shoots a promo filled with more bullshit than a Texas steer farm, shower, sleep, repeat. I’m sure he thinks thats what makes Jake E. Dangerously so damn good and dangerous but in the end, its all a veil he pulls over his own eyes. The man just doesn’t realize when he is about to be bettered. He can’t face the fact that at the conclusion of Up In Smoke…all that he has worked so hard for is going to, in fact, be up in smoke.”
Shannon Riley: ”Aw, honey, look at you…you’ve watched too many of his corny promos, now you’re getting cliche.”
Hell’s Kitchen’s Favorite Son pops up from his couch, he turns and his face reads “what?”
Shannon Riley: ”He’s gonna be up in smoke at Up In Smoke, babe?”
John’s eyes widened. The International Champ shook off the sudden sting of coming to the realization that he just said that.
John Cavanagh: ”Wow, you’re right. Cliche, generic bullshit just like Jake E. Dangerously. The man with all the competitiveness but none of the creativity. He sits and spews his metaphors of me being an upset puppy or tries to take my own description of a Pit Bull and call himself a wolf. It’s funny how he likes to paint a picture that only himself could believe. The wolf that will slaughter the Pit Bull. The hard worker that will one up the guy who apparently doesn’t work hard. The big champion against the little champion. Shit, Shan, I could go on and one with the nonsense I’ve heard come out of this man’s mouth but its just starting to get nauseating repeating it. I mean, you NEVER expect your opponent to go into a match not thinking they can defeat you but damn this guy is full of himself.”
Shannon smirked.
Shannon Riley: ”John, that kind of sounds like what everybody says about…you.”
John smiled back at the beautiful blonde haired woman in front of him. Who else would say that to Johnnie Cav?
John Cavanagh: ”That’s why I love you…more courage and sense than the average man. Hell, you’ve definitely got Jake beat in the sense department…probably even the courage department but with how much trash he’s been talking, he might have you beat.”
Shannon Riley: ”I don’t think so.”
John laughed at Shannon’s matter of fact remark.
John Cavanagh: ”Of course…no way that punk Jake is tougher than my girl. Oh, I’m sorry, in his words…the girls that I hang out with.”
Shannon took a deep inhale as her face scrunched up and an angry, yet still cute, fact showed itself.
Shannon Riley: ”That guy really is a piece of shit! He wants to say that about my man AND put down your mom? Your mom could probably kick Jake E. Dangerously’s ass!”
John Cavanagh: ”Look, Shan, don’t try to bury the poor guy too much. What use is it in defeating Jake E. Dangerously if he means absolutely nothing or just anyone can beat the snot out of him. I love my mother to death but the woman ain’t about the get out there and trade blows with an allegedly grown ass man. Instead, I guess its on me to be the noble son and pummel this child’s face in. I swear, for a guy in my age group who tries to make himself sound so god damned smart he would have a different avenue of attack other than going at a mother. Then the girls thing, its like that whole “Sunny days” bullshit.”
Shannon Riley: ”Yeah, who is your Tammy…Hitman?”
John and Shannon smiled. John could be a scumbag when he needed to be but there were only a few things he was undyingly loyal to and one was the woman that accompanied him to each match.
John Cavanagh: ”Keep pouring gasoline on the fire, I’m sure its only going to equate to a worse beating for the champ.”
Shannon Riley: ”Any extra motivation will help right? I have to pack the bags, we have to get ready to get back to Manchester so my baby can win that World Championship gold.”
Shannon turned and walked off as John smiled and the scene cut to static.
The scene abruptly reopened to “The One Man Dynasty” John Cavanagh standing in front of an IIW Up In Smoke banner emblazoned by the three poster boys for this supershow. John stood with a pair of Rayban sunglasses, a light blue denim jacket with matching colored jeans and the IIW International Championship proudly slung over his right shoulder.
John Cavanagh: ”The mighty, mighty World Heavyweight Champion of the IIW. Jake E. Dangerously, the man who claims to have carried this promotion on his back since the day the doors reopened. The man who thinks he’s better than every single person on this roster….yours truly included. Look at you Jake, talking all this shit, putting some bass in that little squeaking bitch voice of yours but on the inside, and clearly from time to time on the outside, you’re a nervous wreck.”
John smiled to the camera as he calmly stood still in front of the IIW Up in Smoke promotional backdrop.
John Cavanagh: ”Don’t believe me Jake? Do yourself a favor buddy, rewind your promos. Look at yourself, you keep pacing back and forth like the nervous bastard you are. You know it, I know it, Bob Mitchell knows it, hell even the fans at home know it…your days as IIW World Heavyweight Champion are numbered. With every moment another grain of sand falls down the proverbial hour clock. With each breath you take you get one moment closer to your date with infamy. Up in Smoke is just about twenty-four hours away and all I’ve heard you talk about is your work ethic. You base your entire belief system around you working harder than everyone else. You sit there pretending that you’re the good guy, that you’re the one who has fought tooth and nail every second of every minute of every hour of his god damned life! You try to convince the world, myself and most importantly YOURSELF that you are THE BEST professional wrestler that IIW has. No, scratch that, not pompous enough. You’re the type of douche bag that would claim yourself to be the best in the world because of your accomplishments yet try and tear another’s accomplishments down. Bob Mitchell’s might World Champion, Jake E. Dangerously, trying to provide a god damned psychology 101 seminar in the middle of a professional wrestling promotion!”
John smirked and chuckled in an effort to lower his blood pressure a tad.
John Cavanagh: ”For someone as well spoken as you, Jake, you would think you would have had enough intelligence to do a bit of homework on your opponent. You would think all mighty World Heavyweight Champion wouldn’t be making broad claims about a man’s personal life when he doesn’t know a god damned thing about that man. It’s ironic that this same man would claim to work so much harder than another man…without ever walking in a day in that man’s shoes, without so much as sniffing the air in that man’s environment. See, Jake, you wanna sit around and use all of these cute little literary analogies regarding you and I. Comparisons to puppies, a Pit Bull and a wolf…I’ll be honest, I’ve done as well you annoying little Maltese but what are you…some kind of one trick pony, son? Is the air really so thin up there at the top of the mountain that you can’t think of anything new to come at The One Man Dynasty with? Look partner, you wanna be the wolf in this story you be my god damned guest. You can huff and puff all you want mister big, bad wolf but I ain’t a little pig and this Pit Bull ain’t afraid of you just because you think you’re a little bigger and a little badder. You want to talk about Johnnie Cav acting like the big dog bully in the yard and here you are trying to be just that. It’s kind of cute actually, its almost like you’re doing your best Johnnie Cav impersonation…too bad you’re failing miserably.”
The International Champion slides his championship from his shoulder down to his hand and holds it out in front of him.
John Cavanagh: ”Claim that I’m just flash in a pan who happened to win the second class championship—then brag how you held it before me. Now, I never attended a day of college—but it seems like you’d be the picture in Webster’s Dictionary right next to the word “hypocrite”. Now, I know I’m a bad guy, I’m a mean son of a bitch, a demented bastard and I am most certainly one sick puppy…but at least I have enough cojones to admit what I am instead of trying to convince the world of a lie. See, Jakey Boy, not all of the people in the locker room are foolish enough to pull the wool over their eyes and take your cowardice as the “holier than thou” attitude you try to hide it with. Jake E. Dangerously, the man who probably got picked on by the jocks in school, who tried over and over again to feel loved by his mommy and his daddy but it never happened did it Jake? You just kept working harder and harder so you can block out the pain because your feeble mind wouldn’t be able to comprehend what to do with all of that pain and anguish. It’s always those pompous assholes that think they’re better than those who weren’t born with a silver spoon in their mouths but in reality it’s all a facade to make themselves feel better about themselves. Jake, you’ve got a bit of an elitist attitude problem going on there—people can tell just by the way you speak, the way you walk around like you’re some big shot, hard body tough guy who can beat the kid from the streets because he’s worked oh so hard throughout the entirety of his miserable existence!”
Hell’s Kitchen’s Favorite Son smiled and rubbed his palms together.
John Cavanagh: ”So, Jake, while you may feel it is I that “need” the IIW Championship…you couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s quite clear you’re the one who needs it. You need to have that championship so you can keep telling everyone how great you are and how hard you’ve worked and how that hard work has paid off for you. You need it some people still pretend to give a rat’s ass about you. You need it because without that championship you’re just another random jerk off walking around the locker room with a generic promo and a corny ass name. A shadow of his former self—walking around like a sad child who lost his favorite toy. And where will that child’s favorite toy be after Up In Smoke? With the guy you despise. The man who you can’t stand just because he “didn’t work as hard” as poor little Jake. You just can’t stand the fact that I’m here and I’m on the same, if not a higher, level than you. You can’t stand that I was able to achieve everything I achieved while bucking the entire system and living my life, having my career the way that I wanted it. So, Jake, while you’ve played life safe, followed the rules of “normal society” and worked hard to get the world Championship? Johnnie has done everything his fucking way and he’s a mere day away from taking the one thing you need to justify your miserable life. Do I want the IIW World Heavyweight Championship? You bet your ass I do! Did I want it before…yeah…now I want it even more just to bruise your precious little ego. Remember this because at Up In Smoke once I grab you by your head and sling your arm over my neck, and hook your leg, pull your fragile little frame up in the air and drop all 225 pounds of you on top of your head with the Hell’s Kitchen Drop…that’s all she wrote for you, your championship reign and your fifteen minutes of fame because trust me, boy, ain’t nobody gonna give a shit about you once I’m done with you. We’re all just going to sit here and talk about that asshole that was champion before good old Johnnie Cav.”
John laughed as he slung the International Championship back over his shoulder.
John Cavanagh: ”If it makes it easier for you to sleep at night you can believe that Anthony Phoenix ran right at me while shivering in his boots at the thought of challenging the greatest man to ever be birthed. Fact of the matter is, Anthony Phoenix didn’t know any better. What was he supposed to do? He won an opportunity at the International Championship so he went out there and “worked hard”. He worked so hard that he left the squared circle empty handed. You can avoid all the nightmares you want by saying that I “needed” an entire gang to take out Jonny C up in Canada. I didn’t need Trigger and Andy Boy to help me take care of the trash that is Jonny C—but Jonny C’s loud mouth made it so that there was no way in hell Trigger and Andy were going to let him keep running it. You say that Jonny C ended your first World Championship reign like that is something to be proud of. Not taking anything from Jonny, he also always “worked hard” once he stood across from me in that ring…that didn’t change the fact that he never…not once…was able to defeat Johnnie Cav. Now, I can’t say who the better overall athlete is between Jake and Jonny, I’ve only had the pleasure of sharing a ring with Jonny but I can certainly tell you who has the better mic skills. Jonny C might have spit out a bunch of bullshit but at least it was comical, made people laugh, hell it may have even brought warmth to some frozen hearts in America’s trash bin…you? Your promos could be prescribed by a doctor to help treat insomnia. You can be undefeated since the reboot, you can have four more victories than me…two wins in a row is nice but I never claimed that was something unfathomable. What you will think is unfathomable though—is the outcome of our encounter at Up In Smoke. Polish that championship for me Jake…I want that bitch to be pretty and shiny when my blood soaked body holds it up in the air over your bruised ego for the first time. I guess I’m the one doing the IIW a favor…finally someone is going to teach Jake E. Dangerously that there are bigger and badder predators out there. It’s time you meet the bastard at the apex of the food chain—the bastard that is going to take your championship just like I, in your own words, took the International Championship. You told the world yourself, I love to take…and I’m pretty god damned good at it, so, in twenty-four little hours…I’ll be taking that World Championship. Thank you for your time Jake, you can go back to your fantasy world now.”
The scene cut to static.
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