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Post by Shaun Hart on Jun 27, 2022 14:02:54 GMT
( John Cavanagh find himself with an opportunity to enter the Elimination Chamber match after leading Team Osh to victory but PG-13 stands in his way looking to enter the Elimination Chamber himself and earn an opportunity at Russell Waynes belt. )
Match Seven
EC Qualifying Standard Singles Match
John Cavanagh vs PG-13
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Post by The Celtic Club on Jul 7, 2022 0:22:11 GMT
The scene opened to darkness and silence. This lasted for five seconds but felt as if it were an eternity before the flash of a Bic lighter was seen, a piece of paper was lit and the face of John Cavanagh was exposed to the camera. The paper dropped and light illuminated from beneath John who stood there, solemnly.
There are certain things that we have all come accustomed to in this world. When things don’t go according to that plan you had originally crafted—some people react in rash manners. Plenty of examples lately regarding world events and economics. Even examples from my own extensive career. Let us not all forget the reign of terror that fell upon Fred Debonair and his family after he screwed me out of the IIW World Championship. After I dropped the International Championship, what happened? Johnnie Cav didn’t head off with his leg between his tales like some may have thought…he had wounds to heal, business to attend to.
Cavanagh pointed his head towards the ceiling and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. Up until last Mayhem, his return to the IIW had been going perfectly to plan…until a slight curveball was thrown his way that he failed to identify.
I come back to professional wrestling, to the very IIW I had called home and I proclaim it’s my time. It’s time for Johnnie Cav to destroy or outmaneuver any obstacles the powers that be threw my way. Big Poppa Puff, the other shithead in that triple threat, the opposition in War Games…The One Man Dynasty was one hundred percent holding down his end of the bargain. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting a championship opportunity to be handed to me right out of the gate—I knew I’d have to earn it. I also knew that I was making some serious progress on that journey. Then, came the roadblock and I would have never imagined in a million years. It’s name, Curtis.
Hell’s Kitchen’s Favorite Son dropped his head and shook it back and forth in disgust. How could he take the loss to Curtis? How did he allow that to happen?
Yeah, that’s right ladies and gentlemen—yours truly fell to Curtis. The pompous punk of positivity, the demon spawn offspring, the bane of the existence of the majority of the locker room can now say he holds a victory over Johnnie Cav. Shit, not only did Curtis capture a victory it was a clean pinfall, not some fluke count out or disqualification. I’ve got to live with that sad fact for the rest of my life. How in the hell is The One Man Dynasty going to continue his path towards HIS championship? What is Johnnie Cav going to do to rebound? Is he going to send Trigger and Andy to crack Curtis’s skull? Those questions, thousands, if not millions of others were at the tip of every tongue and each finger tip in the professional wrestling and Internet wrestling community.
The One Man Dynasty began to clap his hands. John may have been a prick but he always made sure to give credit when credit was due–and this feat by Curtis definitely called for credit.
Congratulations Curtis, you’ve done exactly what so many have been unable to do. Cleanly pin Johnnie’s shoulders to the canvas. Yes, it happens—none of us are on our “A game” each time we step into the ring—the greatest to ever do this has been defeated before, was defeated by Curtis and at some point he will be defeated again. It’s all a matter of time, it’s the law of probability, the average puke out there has no idea the quantity of variables that go into a professional wrestling match. This is a business that I’ve become synonymous with and that’s something that no one is taking from me, especially not one bullshit fumble of a loss to that little shit.
Cavanagh tossed his hand up, blocking half of his face from the view of the camera lens. He began to speak as he shook his hand back and forth.
Now, I will admit that I expected this loss to delay my championship opportunities somewhat. I know the way this business works, while past accomplishments are often taken into consideration, it’s much more of a what have you done here and what have you done lately kind of attitude in regards to your spot on the card and title matches. Yet, here I stand, and I shit you not, the wrestling gods have smiled upon the miserable bastard that flips them the bird on the daily. John Cavanagh has the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory hanging in front of him and one obstacle standing in his way to possess it.
The leader of The Celtic Club began to nod his head up and down as a smirk developed on the left side of his face. This was his opportunity, it was time to finally become the IIW World Champion.
Well, what might that obstacle be? Some lughead named PG-13. Yeah, this guy has the look, his goddamn muscles have muscles, he’s got the size—he’s got me by five inches and a solid thirty or forty pounds. For the first time in a long time, more people might be thinking Johnnie Cav is the under dog. This genetic freak would terrify the average wrestler, they would look at all of the veins and bulges and head for the hills but that ain’t the case with Johnnie Cav. This walking advertisement for human growth hormone is viewed by many in this industry as a beast, difficult to defeat and possibly indestructible. He’s shown that elsewhere. I’m sure he feels he will easily show it here and maybe he will, I’m not going to tell him what he’s done means nothing. Everyone knows that.
The former International Champion rubbed his hands back and forth as he licked his lips. He loved to dig into some hot new commodity before putting them in their place.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the stereotypical—well that wasn’t here buddy nonsense—it’s more simple and more commonly overlooked I’m afraid. It’s that PG-13 has never, not once, stepped foot in the ring with me. I’m not even quite sure you’ve ever even wrestled someone I’ve wrestled my guy. So with those facts stated, it’s gonna be a little difficult for either of us to sit in here and trash what the other has accomplished. PG-13 I’m a former IIW International Champion—maybe you’ve heard of that belt. And you? You’ve held some championships elsewhere and feel as if you deserve a pat on the back. Well, others might be impressed, but, I’m only impressed when someone betters me inside of the ring. Championships are nice…defeating someone as skilled as myself, now that is truly something worth bragging about.
Cavanagh rolled his eyes, as if to say “in his dreams”.
Now the question before you PG-13 is a simple one, one that I’m sure you believe you know the answer to. Will PG-13 have the most impressive night of his career by defeating John Cavanagh? I know what you’re thinking, but the answer in that steroid filled head of yours would be incorrect. PG-13 does not get the best of Johnnie Cav this Monday night at Mayhem.m, PG-13 walks in the ring with a swollen ego and leaves that same ring with a swollen jaw and bruised ego. PG-13 might think all of those hours toiling away in the gym are what makes you the be all, end all in this business and while they do have some baring—it’s not what makes you a champion. It’s not what makes you better than the next guy. Contrary to what men like PG-13, and admittedly my protege Andy Donahue, believe…the size of your muscles doesn’t equate to the size of the hardware case at the end of your career.
John begins to flex, Hulk Hogan style poses as if to mock PG-13’s near superhuman physique.
See, PG, no one gives a rat’s ass how much you can squat. The amount you can bench press is of interest to exactly zero people in that locker room. What we are all interested in, is what makes this new guy who looks like he found Jose Canseco’s stash tick? We all know the stories of the lack-of-creativity-siblings. We all know the family genetics proved great for athletic physique but left quite a bit to be desired when it came to intelligence and creativity. While Crush and PG-13 figured out their ring names one night while drunk at a movie theater sipping on some orange soda, Johnnie Cav was being introduced to the harsh reality that is the world we live in. Like you, PG, I have a brother. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times where I’d love to beat Trigger so bad that our mother would have a difficult time IDing him but there was never any of this jealousy nonsense between us. See, PG-13, he was Crush’s partner. These two lug heads thought that they could dominate the tag team portion of this industry together. The problem for the World Bobybuilding Federation rejects was that PG’s self-esteem was a tiny bit smaller than his shrunken nuts. That’s right, I said it, or rather PG has stated as much himself. Jealousy is what drove PG-13 to turn on his brother Crush. What the fuck is wrong with you, exactly? I don’t know if I’m a better brother, a more intimidating individual or if I just invoke more loyalty but my brother Trig, right by my side.
Johnnie Cav shook his head, he just couldn’t understand how one brother could be jealous of the other. Sibling rivalries were good, but, in the end you were still blood.
Now what I’d like to hear is your rebuttal. I want to hear from the horse’s mouth as to why he went out of his way to break up a good thing, feud with his brother and then just happen to follow his brother right here to the IIW? Knowing what I know now, after just a little bit of research, I’d say you hit the nail on the head with you being jealous. I also think you have a major weakness—and that is this sibling rivalry that you’ve cultivated against your brother Crush. You’ve used your brother as the measuring stick for your career and that is a mistake. Don’t get me wrong, Crush is a good rock bottom to aim for but you should be trying to emulate and surpass someone with a track record a little more impressive than your own blood. And, just being completely honest, if Crush is any bit of a hint as to what you’ve got in store for me on Monday well, I’ve just gotta say—I’ve already stepped into War Games with your gene pool and I gotta tell ya buddy, The One Man Dynasty didn’t find any reasons to be impressed. I’m sure you’ll tell me and anyone who will listen about how you folded up someone like Anthony Phoenix or John Tolly or Danny Danger–sorry buddy, them guys are a few levels beneath my skills at minimum. I can sit here and list off each accomplishment I’ve had–many of the people you now call co-workers have been there and witnessed them–so why should I insult their intelligence? When it comes to what I’ve seen, all I’ve seen is a guy who talks a lot of shit and tosses around guys who you’ll be able to get an autograph and photo from for twenty dollars at some other company’s show in another four or five months. All the world has seen is a guy who thinks he’s hot shit and hasn’t proven a single thing to anyone in this company. I’m sure you’re loving that I’m the guy across the ring from you at Mayhem, this is your opportunity to get a little bit of bragging rights here in the IIW. A win over John Cavanagh is something that can propel a career, just ask Curtis–he’s got an opportunity to get into this Elimination Chamber too.
The blonde haired Irishman put his thumbs up in the air, mocking Curtis’s positivity but also sending Curtis a bit of good luck–in a very United States-Hiroshima type of way. Survive now, be destroyed later.
PG, I do have to add that I’m ecstatic that our paths are prepared to cross. First and foremost, I love adding another name to the list of rivals who failed to defeat Johnnie Cav. Second, I’ll be able to say I hold a victory over you and your brother—another “great” wrestling family left in the dust by The One Man Dynasty. Third, and most important of all, you are the last stepping stone towards my next opportunity at the IIW World Championship. While we all hold the goal of hoisting that championship high above our head, it means a bit more to me. Let me explain PG, and I’ll speak reeeaallyy slooowww so I don’t lose you. I came into this place about fourteen or fifteen months ago. I said I was the greatest thing this promotion ever had, I would take the International Championship and move onto bigger and better things. Well, try as I may, that outcome never came to complete fruition. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be and this stubborn potato eater was having a bit of an issue coming to grasp with the reality of the situation. I was pushed away from what was rightly mine due to some footnote from my past! Now, it’s the present and Johnnie Cav is looking to right a few wrongs. PG-13, you should consider yourself honored…you’re about to become a footnote in John Cavanagh’s present. The man Cavanagh put down with a Hell’s Kitchen Drop to advance to the Elimination Chamber. The match where good old Johnnie Cav finally makes due on his previous statement of being a future IIW Champion.
The Irishman nodded his head up and down slowly, his shadow bobbing against the wall behind him. There was something a bit eerie about the calmness in his voice. The way John was brought up, he had failed at what he said he was going to do–it was meant to happen in his first meeting with Jake E. Dangerously, not at an Elimination Chamber.
Hm, I guess that future is staring this promotion right in the eyes and PG-13’s miserable ass isn’t going to be able to do anything to stop it.
Cavanagh reaches his hands out of view and retrieves three eight by ten IIW photos. He looks down at the three, each representing a different obstacle in his path to the IIW World Championship. John smirks and drops the photos into the flames he had previously lit. The camera cuts to see the sides of the three photos beginning to curl. The first photo showed the first step, this Monday Night at Mayhem the meathead PG-13 that had to be taken care of. The second, Curtis, the man who had defeated John Cavanagh and who Cavanagh secretly hoped also qualified for the Chamber–so he could defeat Curtis when the goal was so close in Curtis’s sight. The third, the final, and the most important–the current IIW World Champion, Russell Wayne. The scene cut to static.
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Post by The Celtic Club on Jul 10, 2022 19:51:58 GMT
IIW’s Netflix viewers were greeted to static followed by a shadow cast over a wall. The shadow showed a muscular upper body and not much of anything else.
Tick, tock, tick, tock. You all hear that? More importantly, did you hear that PG-13? That sounds is the seconds, minutes and hours counting down until Johnnie Cav and PG-13 have their showdown at Monday Night Mayhem.
At this moment the shadow moved, it was no longer as easily visible as a blue eyed, blonde haired Irishman by the name of John Cavanagh stepped in front of the camera lens for all to see.
A matchup that has plenty at stake. A man who has proven himself here in the IIW against a man who likes to run his mouth. So, there are some bragging rights at stake in that example. Those who have soaked the battle field with their own blood, and those who have waltzed into this place after we all did the bleeding. But other than those bragging rights—there is something much bigger and of much more importance. See, when PG and I lock horns this Monday we will also be battling for one of six spots in the Elimination Chamber. One of six spots that have an opportunity to walk out of that chamber as THE ONE in this promotion! Oh, I can taste it now…I can feel the testosterone and adrenaline flowing through my veins as we speak. There’s something that those of you watching at home, and people like PG and his dimwit brother Crush just wouldn’t understand. I was this close…
John raised his right hand to his face with minimal visible space between his thumb and index finger.
I was within a moment of hoisting that beautiful championship belt over my head. I was a few breaths away from holding the premiere and secondary singles championship that this company has to offer. I was just one move and a three count away from my destiny, yet, here I stand knowing that it never occurred. You know how much motivation that gives you? PG, I wouldn’t fully expect you to understand where my thoughts come from…you just haven’t been on this ship long enough to know what has happened here. You just weren’t paying close enough attention to the IIW prior to the day you signed your contract. Poor PG-13 didn’t know that Johnnie Cav was screwed out of this championship. Poor PG didn’t realize he had a qualifying match against the man who, by all accounts, should have already been the IIW World Champion. I guess that was Osh Vaughan’s way of giving you a little trial by fire. Let’s stick lughead into a match with one of the most gifted professional wrestlers to ever step between the ropes. PG, you may claim that you’re some great competitor, a former World Champ, the bane of your brother’s existence, and quite the wordsmith…I mean let me tell ya, kid, you’re a regular Fredo Corleone.
Cavanagh paused for a moment, he thought for a second and it all began to make sense. Everything clicked all of a sudden. It was as if the at-home audience could see the lightbulb illuminate atop his head.
Holy shit, no, no, that’s it! The parallels are amazing. He was a jealous little bastard who turned on his own flesh and blood over that jealousy. I don’t know if you ever saw the film, it’s considered one of the greatest works of cinematography of all time. See, Fredo helps some pricks try to whack out his brother, Michael, all over jealousy. And in the end—what happened? Michael sent Fredo out fishing, Fredo went to sleep with the fish. Moral of the story? Don’t let your jealousy drive your decisions. See, I could have made the same mistakes of PG. I could have been jealous that Jake E. Dangerously held onto his championship. I could have been jealous of that shit Jonny C when he won it. Hell, I could be jealous of the man with my championship right now…Russell Wayne. But, the problem with being jealous, PG? Your vision is tainted. All your heart and mind want is to cure those feelings of jealousy but the problem is…you can’t cure jealousy. Even if you never turned on your brother, you’d be sitting here jealous of his accomplishments…just like you are right now, after turning on him. Jealousy is a dangerous trait my man, jealousy is what will keep your eye off of the prize. Your own jealousy is what will defeat you in your quest to be, whatever the hell it is you really want to be. Your jealousy is the reason you will NEVER reach the same heights that Johnnie Cav has reached. Your jealousy is part of the reason that after our match at Mayhem, I will be qualified for the Elimination Chamber and you will be on the outside looking in, like the sad puppy that you truly are.
Johnnie Boy began to chuckle, the thought that a puppy could be as hideous as PG-13. The chuckle continued for a few more seconds before Johnnie shook it off and returned his glare towards the camera.
Well, now that we have discovered your uncanny similarities with Fredo Corleone, I think I’ll stop referring to you as PG-13…it’s quite the asinine name. I never got why some people would give themselves such hideous aliases. Where I came from you earned your alias. I didn’t choose to be called Upahts growing up, it just happened. I didn’t crown myself The One Man Dynasty—that came from a place called Fearless Championship Wrestling. I was always taught that I was John fucking Cavanagh and that was something to be proud of, that was an identity that should be embraced. Meanwhile you and your gene pool seem to run from their identity as if you guys were Whitey hiding from the Feds.
The One Man Dynasty pretended to take a small peak through the curtains of a window. Cavanagh tossed his hands in the air as if to say “to hell with it”.
Well, here we go, Johnnie Cav doing what he’s always done…spouting self-praise and putting others down. What else is new? I guess just the bastard that I have to defeat. That poor, unfortunate bastard just happens to be you, Fredo. Just like Fredo, a man that thought they were meant to be number one, you will also have to face the reality of your shortcomings this Monday night. Fortunately for you, you won’t be saying a prayer on a fishing boat when someone gives you a sunroof in the back of the dome. For you, your moment of reckoning will occur inside of a squared circle. For you, that final punishment will be the feeling of every ounce of your own body crunching that neck of yours in a Hell’s Kitchen Drop. Your failure won’t be failing to take over a criminal organization but a failure to qualify to challenge for the World Championship. You know how much that’s going to sting when you can collect your thoughts on Monday? I’m not quite sure you truly comprehend the severity of the situation.
John began to point towards his head, specifically his temple signifying his brain…an area he clearly thought PG-13 was lacking.
Trust me, Fredo, as some “young punk” that’s been there before I can provide you a little insight. It hurts more than you could ever imagine. I told you how close I was, hell, I even provided your below average intelligence level with a visual aid in the form of my hand to describe how close I was. It still eats away on the inside, it still drives me to be better than every other person that I share a locker room with. And yes, Fredo, you are included in the group of competitors in the locker room…just in case you needed me to spell that out for ya. Unlike Mario Puzo’s Fredo, you will not have the luxury of not living with the aftermath of Monday night. The IIW’s Fredo, will have to go through the rest of his career, the rest of his life, knowing that after all of his trash talking, all of the time he has spent building himself up inside of his own head…he failed at fourth and goal. Fredo is about to drop the ball when it matters the most, our beloved Fredo is ready to strike out on a heater down Broadway in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded!
The One Man Dynasty mimicked the swing of a baseball bat and shook his head.
Really, I’m pretty damn happy that you have the same amount of confidence in your abilities that I have in my own. It will make for a great story, two men who think they’re God’s gift to this sport sparring with one another for the entire world to witness. It’s no fun to crush the hopes and desires of someone who doesn’t think that they are up to the task. What fun would it be to defeat some punk that already knows they’re defeated? You tell me, Fredo, where the hell is the honor in that? That’s right, the four brain cells that you have left were sufficient enough for the answer—there is none. People like you who feel they’re better than others, ya know people just like me, they’re the best ones to defeat. It’s a great feeling when someone puts up and then you’re able to force them to shut up. That is what’s about to happen to our Fredo on Monday Night Mayhem. He’s going to flap his lips over and over again until he’s run out of clever things to say. Fredo is going to let us all know about how he’s ended careers, broken bones, embarrassed others, as nauseam. Fredo is going to fall back on how no one has “ended him”. Buddy, I’m not trying to end you. What you don’t seem to understand is that if I want to “end” someone…Hell’s Kitchen taught me that you don’t discuss such things. I will face you in the ring. You will pummel me, and I will pummel you. But in the end, neither of us will end the other one. The only thing that is ending, is Fredo’s opportunity to compete for the most prestigious prize in our entire god damned industry and that is the IIW World Championship!
John simulated strapping the IIW World Championship around his waist.
I wouldn’t fully expect someone with such a limited intellectual ability to understand how this works. The World Championship shows who is THE BEST in the world at that moment. I may claim that I am one of the greatest wrestlers to ever step foot in the IIW locker room but unless I’m the World Champion I can’t call myself the best without knowing I’m spitting a lie. The best wrestler in the world, right now, is Russell Wayne and as much as it pains me to say that…it also gives me a little glimmer of joy because it also means that Fredo ain’t numero uno either. Actually, Fredo, now that I listened to your latest ramblings of nonsensical bullshit I have to raise a serious question—do you even know who I am or do you just have the same exact rhetoric regardless of who you are facing?! I can’t lace your boots? I’ve spent my career trying to please fans?!
The One Man Dynasty spit on the floor in disgust of such a thought.
Wow man, you really haven’t followed my career—fair enough. But, the saddest fact is this…all you have to do is tune in to some IIW shows, really man it’s not too hard—you just need to pay a whopping total of fifteen to twenty dollars a month to Netflix and all of a sudden you can take a night and watch some of Johnnie Cav’s greatest hits! You should consider yourself one hell of a lucky bastard, you should be able to go watch that tonight and switch up your rhetoric. Maybe you’ll take the few neurons firing off in your cerebrum and realize that almost every word you THOUGHT was intelligent to say…was just a made up fairytale. You claim to be a beast and claim to be the best but yet you don’t even understand the opponent you will square off against in what is, by far, the most important matchup in your career thus far. That’s right former Word Champion, Fredo, you may have had big time matchups elsewhere but here in the IIW…this is the furthest you’ve made it. And where did you make it exactly? To the welcome mat of the Blarney Stone…the welcome mat in front of Johnnie Cav’s realm…and what does that mean? That means you’re up Shit’s Creek without a paddle. How do you claim to be the greatest in this business, a shoe in for the Elimination Chamber, yet, you can’t take a few minutes to fully research your opponent? I’m waiting for your response…I really want to be able to wrap my head around the thought process going on in that lump three feet above your ass!
Johnnie Cav pointed to his headC he was sure that PG had no idea what he meant.
It’s comical you would compare someone like myself, a former International Champion, to a kid off the street with a cap gun. Listen, Fredo, I ain’t no kid I might be a young’n compared to your generic geriatric self but I’m far from a kid. I’m far from some punk that just made it off of the street corner. And trust me, Father Time, if this street guy comes at anyone…it ain’t with a cap gun. Since you couldn’t be bothered to find out who Johnnie Cav REALLY is…I guess I should be that annoying, and admittedly boring, guy who falls back on past accomplishments to show who they are. Since you find it so empowering to state you are a former World Champion in different promotions, allow me to say the same, Johnnie Cav has been to the top of multiple promotions, just like you. Johnnie Cav has broken people’s spirits and ended careers, just like you. Johnnie Cav has been in this company for over a year while you just signed your contract. The One Man Dynasty earned his alias by holding championships in FCW, EWF, CPW, FCPW, here in the IIW and countless other promotions. Johnnie Cav entered a sixty man battle royal at number one and was far and away the Ironman of that battle royal. Shit, I even carried my team and won the War Games match, putting Osh Vaughan back in charge around these parts. Yeah, I’m just some nobody off of the streets with a cap gun.
John shook his head and smacked his forehead with his right hand. Upon removal of his hand a slight smile could be seen over John’s face.
Really man? You really spent about three hours talking about a human being and you didn’t know one thing about him! How many different ways are you going to tell the world how good you are and have zero reasons to back it up other than getting loud, putting extra inflection on a word here or there and basically regurgitate the same crap over and over just using different wordage so people think you’re saying something different. I’ve got to be honest, if I didn’t have to face you on Monday Night Mayhem…I would have turned your long, boring ass promo off. I wouldn’t have kept Netflix on for more than about thirty seconds of your moronic rant. Matter of fact, during that rather winded rant of yours you asked me a question—if I could give you one reason why what you’re saying is a lie. I think I already pulled out the Draco and turned your entire argument into Swiss Cheese. I’ve already exposed lies in your argument without even answering that question. But, if you’d like more reasons, I’ve got a few others I can share with you. Other than completely misidentifying your opponent, the biggest reason you’re full of shit is the same reason I said you’re not a big deal in my first promo. Every single accomplishment you’ve had, hasn’t occurred here and even more important than that…you never had a prick like John Cavanagh to deal with inside of the ring. Fredo, feel free to respond to what I say using the same retorts I’ve used against you. I’m waiting for you right now Fredo, “Well, asshole from New York…I might have not won those belts with you around, but you haven’t beaten the greatest, meanest, baddest most awesome force in the world…PG-13!!!!”
Cavanagh, the obnoxious bastard he could be, immediately broke into mid-80’s WWF flex poses
This guy is a mockery of our profession. Generic Roid Head 63882682 may like to fancy himself a BEAST and a CAREER ENDER!!!
The Irishman laughed, he couldn’t help but hide the comedic relief that a wrestler like PG-13 afforded him. People who don’t take the time to understand who their opponent is…makes you think, how did they make it to the age of 45?
I know man, you think you’re special. Some genetic jackhammer ready to end careers and impress the ladies right, pal? The nightmare, the obstacle, the worry, the untamed forest fire that can’t be stopped, the man who knows pain is temporary but his magically beastly abilities make him the only wrestler who can make that pain last FOREVER!!! I mean what more of a joke do we need other than your line of thought. I’m not nearly prepared to face off against you? If anything you’re the one ill prepared for this encounter. You’ve fabricated some fictional representation of who I am and what I’ve accomplished in your own mind and that’s the man you think you will face on Monday or as you improperly think…Saturday. See what I mean man? You’re a joke, as a matter of fact it’s an insult to the character of Fredo Corleone for me to continue to call you that so I’ll revert back to your creative nickname PG-13. On the continuation of your comedic act..I need to know…who in the blue hell are all of these previous failures that I’m not half of?
The One Man Dynasty began to look at his wrist as if mimicking a wristwatch. He looked back to the camera and raised his right eyebrow.
Well, I’m waiting. I don’t know one person you’ve defeated here in the IIW that I either haven’t defeated or couldn’t defeat with a minimal amount of effort. And as for other promotions? Good for you bud, this is the face of a man who is not impressed and does not give a shit about your past.
Cavanagh pointed to his face and the blank glare in his eyes before sucking his teeth.
Maybe the root of the problem is that whenever PG-13 opens his mouth, he just says the same EXACT thing regardless of who his opponent is. Yeah, that has to be it, right? This guy just repeats himself every single time he gets a booking and says “ok, cool, I’m the beast I’ve got this!” Then he goes into the cabinet, takes five shots of Lit AF, gets his next cycle in and he’s ready to get down with the get down and take out the trash. God my guy, how in the hell did the IIW even exist before you came here? You’re such a gift to the sport of professional wrestling that you don’t need to come up with new material, hell, you don’t even need to know one fact about your opponents—you’ve got everything figured out already. Seems like you’ve got so many fires in the oven that you’re a bit forgetful and lazy. You really must have confused me with some other shithead you’re facing a few days before Mayhem, you keep bringing up Saturday, meanwhile everyone under contract with the IIW knows Mayhem is on Monday. I guess you’re either too overwhelmed, too lazy or too stupid to even know what the hell is going on around these parts. Osh Vaughan booked this match because he thought it was funny? Yeah, more than probably, Oshy Boy probably thinks it would be funny to watch as Johnnie Cav runs some worthless piece of crap out of this company. I’m actually getting more and more hype about our little showdown in Italy—I can’t wait to be the one to silence your mouth. All your yippity yap about making me tap out, your never ending discourse that never gets anywhere…or worse yet, contradicts previous statements that I was forced to listen to. Like, my man, you really think the Berlin Wall fell down in the last seventeen years? That shit happened in 1989, it’s currently 2022. Have you been hit with that many chair shots that you’ve already found senility at the tender young age of 45? You poor, mindless lump of cells.
Johnnie Cav shakes his head and places his head into the palms of his hands in frustration.
I heard you call me some young punk and at the same time say it’s people like me who have held you back for so long in this business. You claim to be the best AND a former World Champion, yet you’ve been held back?! You are literally turning into a walking contradiction. It might actually be cruel and unusual punishment to have someone sit through one of your promos. That’s right, PG, I’m telling you that you holding a microphone would be unconstitutional and against the law if the IIW was based in the United States. I think Osh owes me a few drinks after having to sit through all of your nonsense—I literally feel less intelligent after listening to each and every sound that is produced by your vocal chords. Rambling on about selling magazines for Playgirl? My guy, what fucking planet so you live on that these are the thoughts running through your pathetic peanut sized brain. At least you’re aware that you hurt people—because I’ve got a headache the size of Alaska after trying to decipher the Ultimate Warrior-esque interview I was just forced to witness. I will be contacting Osh Vaughan for a raise regarding the pain and suffering I’ve been put through during this time.
Johnnie shook his head from side to side. He was having a difficult time wrapping his head around the way the brain of PG-13 functioned. It was almost as if this man took incoherent thoughts, tossed them in a Ninja blender and then chucked it against a wall…hoping SOMETHING would stick.
This poor guy, PG, he needs a lesson in IIW history, professional wrestling history, and a god damn high school history class. This is how the education system has failed us, it has produced too many PG’s for this world. And, as an off shoot, why the hell did you select PG-13 as a name? Parental Guidance? I think not…we do need interpreters to get through the rubbish you speak but far from parental guidance. Pretty Gangster? That’s definitely not it. Poltergeist Garry? Nah, you’re not a Kane or Undertaker rip-off you’re just the fifteen millionth generic muscle guy to claim to be the greatest wrestler of all time. Pathetic Gambler? That’s possible since you are probably foolish enough to call a bookie and put money on you winning out matchup this Monday—if you even show up since you’ve been stuck on Saturday. Penis General? Hm, not trying to sound like a Jonny C spin off or anything like that at the moment, but, that one makes the most sense yet! That’s it…this guy is the Penis General and I’m guessing the 13 must represent the 13th letter in the alphabet, M. Hm, does this mean you’re paying tribute to La Eme, or the Mexican Mafia? Probably not, you’re not built for prison, you’re big but you’d just be someone’s big bitch. Marijuana? You’re definitely not the pothead type, what would the point be anyway the pot affects would ware off once you swallow a container of Lit AF or C4 before your work out. Mommy? There we go, that must be it…Mommy. The only woman who could love a face so hideous and a mind so idiotic. Penis General Mommy. That’s my great stepping stone on my road to the IIW World Championship. So, PG-13, Fredo, Penis General, whichever of the names we would call you at this point…have I done it yet? Have I done what Osh Vaughan clearly wanted? Have I sufficient berated your bird brain head enough that you’re ready to call it quits and run back to whatever half-assed promotions you came from? I hope not…I would rather pummel you and then send you back home battered and bruised. I would rather drop you on top of your head this Monday night. Maybe I’ll be the dick head to make you scream in pain and tap out. Either way the story will be the same. At Monday Night Mayhem, PG-13 fails to move towards his imaginary destiny and John Cavanagh is one step closer to the ONLY place he belongs in this industry, the top of the goddamn mountain! See you on Monday Night, thank you for being part of my journey to the most prestigious championship in this business!
Cavanagh smiled into the camera, he couldn’t wait to crush PG-13’s oversized ego…it was going to be his pleasure. The scene cut to static.
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