So Yall All Saw That Shit right?...RIGHT???
!!!!!YEAH YALL SAW UR BOY DEBUT ON MAYHEM!!!!!
AND WHOOP THEM 2 TWAT WAFFLES LIKE THEY STOLE SOMETHIN!!!!
…I mean do I really strike any of yall as the type of DooD that pulls punches or minds his tongue during life’s real life rhetorical moments just like this one which afford us the opportunities to look back and say
!!!!TOLD YA SO!!!!
(BITCHES), cause I DiD… TRY n TELL YA!!!
But now with that out of the way let us also look at the facts right quick before we jump head first into today’s adventure! I know it may appear that I may be a lil too excited for my debut win at Mayhem, which ya know PHUCK YALL I AM! Even if it was against two people whose names are now doomed to the irrelevancy from whence they came!
I still took the first of many important steps that is going to eventually lead myself and Intense International Wrestling to heights most of the dildos that make up the IIW roster could ever do even if they pooled their efforts! So why sit here and waste everyone’s precious time talking about two deadbeat jerk offs who just got their asses handed to them? Yes every streak has to start somewhere, and mine started at Mayhem
!!!!!...OBVIOUSLY!!!!!
…And That Is EXACTLY WHERE IT WILL CONTINUE YA DIGG???
However after I finished shit kicking those two shit kickers I was booked against, the moment the ref called for the bell after The Sherminator was slapping his hand on the canvas begging the ref to stop it something dawned on me…Which brings me and the rest of you dildos to this here truck!
As Johnny’s voice narrates the beginning of this we see ourselves outside of the arena Mayhem took place last week. Everyone (for the most part) has gone home. Ticket holders had come and gone and left with the certain type of satisfaction that one can only get whilst watching Intense International Wrestling.
From what we can tell the only people who remain at this now empty arena are IIW personnel responsible for taking down and packing up all of Intense International Wrestling’s property that transforms this otherwise empty arena into the IIW Mayhem experience.
We see four guys loading and lugging boxes onto an 18 Wheeler. Nothing appears out of the ordinary as we watch these guys load up the truck while we hear Johnny’s voice in the background. But the moment he says the word truck the voice over ends and that’s when we see him!
Who do we see? Yup…that’s right YOU GuESSeD it The PaRaGoNa oF AMeRiKaNa, THE DoN oF DI$Re$PeCT…LA Johnny Stylez…You know like
~!$!~ T.H.E. ~!$!~
LA Johnny Stylez
…Hold your applause (FoR NoW), cause we got shit to get to!
Johnny steps into the view of the camera wearing a pair of black cargo shorts. A large shiny chain runs from his back pocket to the top belt loop on the left side. He has a brand new IIW licensed, making it THE officially official, first IIW LA Johnny Stylez t-shirt. It’s black and has the words
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!
!!!!!UP!!!!!
Written in bold print on the chest of the shirt. His blue hair hangs slightly over his eyes, crystal baby blues. We see him reach into his back pocket and remove a pure platinum cigarette case with the numerals 4 1 9 engraved in the center. He pops it open and inside is filled with several pre rolled blunts. He removes on and pops it in his mouth mindlessly placing the case back into his back pocket. He then lifts his left hand and flips the top of a personalized 4 1 9 zippo lighter. He allows the flame to dance across the tip of the blunt until it is perfectly hit.
Johnny takes a slow deep hit as he inhales and briefly holds it in before exhaling and blowing smoke all up in the IIW Supervisor’s face, well he’s standing around just watching so we guess he is the supervisor?...Ya know what? Let's find out!
LA Johnny Stylez: What up assbag? You the supervisor?
IIW Supervisor: Um I’m Ed, who the hell are you? If you are trying to get your merch cut I’ve told you newbies so many times you take that up with Mr. King!
LA Johnny Stylez: K, so uhhh is that like a yes? Or wait what just happened here?
Ed IIW Supervisor?: Look here Mr. Burnout as you can see me and my boys are in the middle of something very important! Mr. King came over the walkie about 45 mins ago and told us to load up all the merch on to this truck…SO if this is like some weird tiktok video could I please insist that you fuck off?
Johnny goes to open his big mouth, but instead the entire demeanor of our friend Ed here changes almost instantly, as our short fat bald man with that weird headband of hair most older bald dudes rock.
Johnny of course notices this (a lot quicker at that) and suddenly his attention turns to the new General Manager of Mayhem…Yall know this dude as Tristian King. He walks up and immediately shakes Johnny’s hand and well, this is the part where yall shut up and listen…
Tristan King: Ohh good Johnny you met Ed…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yup sure did, he was just suggesting that I do weird tiktok videos and then to fuck off…Or I may have gotten that bass ackwards?
Tristan King: I’m sorry he said what?
Ed IIW Supervisor: MR. KING I AM SO SORRY! I didn’t know…I…I…I…
LA Johnny Stylez: …AM a self righteous dipshit? Ya know what don’t worry about short stack! Allz I need to know is my truck ready?
Tristan King: Your truck?...Yeah about that Johnny! You need the truck too?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well yeah man, I left mine back stateside!
Tristan King: OK well can I trust you will bring it back in the condition it was given to you in with a full tank?
LA Johnny Stylez: NAH!
Tristan King: Excuse me?
LA Johnny Stylez: No there will be no need for me to bring the truck back my dude!
Tristan King: And may I ask why the hell not?
LA Johnny Stylez: Cause…
Johnny looks down at his watch and suddenly a black van drives up out of no where and a tiny Japansese fellow hops out with a black duffle bag. He walks over to Johnny with a clipboard in hand. Johnny takes the bag and unzips it and smiles big. He then looks back up and nods towards the Japanese courrier. Johnny then unzips the bag and removes a crisp new $100 bill and hands it to the courier. Johnny then reaches back in and grabs another small package out of it and then zips it up. The Japanese man bows towards Johnny and Johnny arrogantly smirks at Tristian King and Ed as they glare at Johnny in confusion. The van drives off and Johnny hands Tristian King the duffle bag.
LA Johnny Stylez: Pardon gents…Where was I?...Ohh that’s right…Your truck T…Can I call you T?...Cool cause I’m gunna anyway! Anyway you can’t expect me to bring it back in any kind of condition because you have enough in that bag to buy you a brand spanking new one!...Ohh and well you won’t want this particular truck back when I’m through with it!
Ed IIW Supervisor: Why what are you gunna do with it?...Not to mention literally every scrap of IIW merch we have here in Japan!?!
Tristan King nudges his employee and tells him with his eyes that his speaking privileges have been removed until further notice! He then unzips the duffle bag Johnny handed him and sees it filled to the zipper with stacks upon stacks of hundred dollar bills (American currency bitchez!) He then looks up with Johnny half curious half impressed as he picks up where Ed left off…
Tristan King: Johnny I think what my former supervisor…
Ed IIW Supervisor: Wait former?
Tristan King: Yeah…you’re FIRED! I’ve had my fill of mouthy employees…
Johnny then looks into the camera breaking the 4th wall with one of them Uhhh HELLOOOOO faces…
Tristan King: AS I WAS SAYING…what in the hell are you gunna do with all that merch and my truck!?!?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well you’re holding a bag of my $$$ which leads me to assume you consent to me purchasing it from you as I did with everything in it…Which would then make it my truck and MY merch! And if yall really wanna know what I’m gunna do with it all…Make sure you watch Mayhem ya digg??
Johnny gives the fellas a moment to let all that sink in, and before either can go to say anything else he as always rudely interrupts…
LA Johnny Stylez: K so it’s a long ass way to that next town Mayhem is going to be in…So if we are done here with whatever the phuck this is, I’d like to hit the road?...Cool?...COOL! See you asshats at Mayem!
Before even waiting to see or hear some sort of response turns around and Johnny walks up to the truck and yells something as the last two guys put the last two boxes on the back of the truck and then close and lock the back. Johnny then opens the driver side door and hops in the front seat like he owns the mother phucker (which he does…obviously) He checks around trying to figure out what was where. He then reaches up and lowers the driverside mirror and the keys fall directly into his lap.
Johnny flashes that trademark arrogant smirk as he puts the blunt in his mouth as he grabs the keys and puts them in the ignition and cranks that sucker up. He looks at Tristian King who is busy chewing Ed a new one for being rude to a lucrative business partner. Johnny then smirks as he rolls the window down and removes the pre roll from his mouth and flicks it out the window as he drives off and the scene fades…
…4 DaYZ n 19 HRz LaTeR!!!
Scene opens right outside of the Hakodate Arena in Hakodate Hokkaido, Japan where Mayhem is to take place. Apparently Johnny thought directly in front of the arena is where the truck needed to be parked. SO there it is parked right in fucking front of the arena like he owned that bitch too. But we see in the meantime our boy Johnny has been busy as phuck looking for something. There are boxes carelessly thrown about on the ground all of them slashed open. A few moments and loud bangs later Johnny finally emerges from the truck with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He sees the camera and motions them over. He takes his shirt off and uses it to wipe the sweat from his brow. He then tosses it aside and then grabs the envelope he took from the courrier earlier. He opens it up and and looks at it. He is holding ti at an angle where you the viewer is unable to see whats on it. He smirks seemingly very pleased with himself as he looks at the camera and begins to speak…
LA Johnny Stylez: So…IIW…
?WHaS Up?
K So ENOUGH ABOUT YALL LET’S TALK ABOUT ME!!!
So I’ve been a real busy beaver ever since I stepped from behind that curtain two weeks ago and stomped the shit out of…uh whoever they were! But like I said in the beginning it wasn’t a single moment later that something dawned on me. As you all know I’m a bit of a talker, but if there is one thing I have learned in my travels up and down these roads it’s the true value and effectiveness of a well sent message! Because I can come in here and make all these claims about how great I am and how things are going to change now that I have graced you all with my presence, but none of it, not one word of it means
!!!!!JaCK SHiT!!!!!
Until You Walk THaT WaLK, AT WHICH TIME YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP!!!
And as you have all seen for yourselves in the here and now it’s been almost twenty years and ya boy’s
!!!!!STiLL F’N TaLKInG!!!!!
But Still YOU NeeD MoRE PROOF I GET IT!!!
WHich is why I walked down to that ring at the last Mayhem and did everything I said I was gunna do! In a triple threat match I hurt one of them so bad he had to beg the punk ass ref to
!!!!!MaKe IT SToP!!!!!
AND JUST LIKE THAT IT WAS OVERE AND ALL BEGINNING AT THE SAME TIME!!!
Ya see if there are those of you who see me and then fall to your knees immediately and pray I am just one of those flash in the pan here today gone in three weeks JBRONE I’m afraid I have some very very
!!!!!BaD NeWZ 4 YA!!!!!
THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!
And to make sure that you all understand the true gravity of the situation I knew in my heart that now it was time to take things to a more drastic set of circumstances. I needed to do something that got all of your attention at once! And well Ive been making my living inside of that ring longer than most of you have ever been anything of any significance and I have found that one of the best places to hit everyone is in their pocket book. SO I guess what I’m trying to say is for those of you expecting a fat check for your merch cut I regret to inform you
!!!!!THEY AINT COMIN THIS WEEK!!!!
…And YES YOU HAVE ME TO THANK FOR THAT!!!!
(YoU’RE ToATZ WELCOME BY THE WAY!!!!)
Because that is the point I intend to make here tonight I guess! Most of you…and I do mean pretty much all of you mother fuckers don’t deserve that kind of a cut, because most of you are as appealing as another Kardashian reality show about people who watch Kardashian shows, ya feel me? Take my opponent this week for instance. What’s his name again?...
!!!!!CoDy STARKS!!!!
…WHO?...MY THOUGHTZ EXACTLY!!!!
Now apparently Cody and his “MANAGER” which hold up
!!!!TiME OuT YaLL!!!!
I Hate That I Even Have To Stop To Point Out Every Damn ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!
SO yeah Cody my dawg listen at me real quick dawg! I know you call him your manager and shit, but let’s get serious for a bit huh?...K cause really I’m just stating the obvious and i wanna let you know
!!!!!WE CaN SEE YOU DAWG!!!!!
THaT DooD AINT YOUR MANAGER HE’S YOUR LiFE COACH!!!
A manager gets things done for you, and the other part of the bad news my dude is if that’s the case here the only thing he got accomplished for you is a got damn B-LiNE to what will in all likelyhood going to be one of the biggest most humiliating public ass kickings anyone in your fsmily has seen in
!!!!GeNeRaTiONZ!!!!!
…SO I Guess The Moral Of The Story Is If He Is Your Life Coach, He SUX AT IT!!!
Because really why should we believe a word that fell out of either of your mouths? We are supposed to take the word of your life co…I mean manager because he one day just up and out of no where decided to be the manager of a pro wrestler?...Clearly he doesn’t know jack or shit about this business because letting you in the ring with the likes of me is going to humble this one and I just wanna let you know
!!!!I’M BEING NICE!!!!
…IF I WANTED TO REALLY BE AN ASS I’D TELL YA
That the truth of the matter is not only are we not on the same level phucksock, but you and your manager/coach shoudln’t even be allowed to
!!!!WATCH MY MATCHES!!!!
…But I Guess YOU GOTTA LEARN SOMEWHERE!!!!
…And you are about to learn the life lesson I love teaching knob gobblerz like you called “YOU SUCK” the hard way! Don’t believe me bruh?...I done went through this whole got damn truck, and you wanna know what I found with your name or face on it?
!!!!!N.O.T.H.I.N.G.!!!!
Coincidence??...Yeah PROLLY NOT!!!!
But you think this one is going to be one for the books..and it will be, just not the particular volume you had in mind! IF you want to actually get any use out of your life coach tell him to go find the fattest chick he can and tell him to tell that BIATCH
!!!!!SHe’S ON IN 5!!!!!
CAUSE IT’S FINNA BE OVER FOR YOU!!!!
But don’t feel bad Cody whatever your name is…You won’t leave IIW without having any official merch made for you…As a matter of fact I have a feeling this will be a hot seller this up coming week what with all of the rest of the IIW merch going up in flames and this being one of the only surviving pieces. I hope you don’t mind but I had my people go ahead and draw something up for you…Now tell me what you think, and please be honest because well I think it’s actually kind of perfect…
!!!!!CHeCK IT OUT!!!!
…and YES IT’S AVALIBLE IN YOUR SIZE BUDDY!!!
Johnny then takes the shirt and holds it out so we can see the picture of Cody Starks standing behind his manager at his desk and above their heads it reads…CoDY STARKS
!!!!!F’N BLOWZ!!!!!
Johnny then rips the shirt in half and walks over to the fuel intake for the truck and stuffs the shirt down into it and then unflicks his zippo once more and allows the flame to gently dance onto the fabric of the shirt utntil it catches the flame. Johnny then quickly makes his way from the truck as the camera fades to a few moments later where Johnny is in a safe distance it isn’t too long until we hear a very loud and distinctive
!!!!!!BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!
…Yup It WAS THE TRUCK!!!
Johnny then grabs the camera and makes sure it is focused on him. He glares into the camera as he flicks away a blunt roach and begins to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez:See that’s the difference between me and you Cody…You came here hoping to make a difference I came here and in short order am proving that I AM the difference. THe good news is you will for once be very close to greatness…The bad news is you won’t realize it until it’s done kicking the tee tole PHUCK OUT OF YOU!!...Which is actually me saying as rudely as I can that when I see your bitch ass at Mayhem you aint nothing but the next name on the list of people I once upon a time forced to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…My Advice…LEARN TO LOVE IT!!!
Now as for the rest of you meley mouth asshats…If you wanna know why I spent money I had more than enough to blow to ensure all of your merch got not just torched but blown phucking SKY HIGH! NO PUN INTENDED!!! If you really wanna know why…think long and hard about it when you pull into the arena Monday afternoon. You will pass it just like every mother fucker who bought a ticket to watch Mayhem will pass this and see all of it…Everything that holds IIW up at present is going to come crashing down…For the soul single purpose of making room for something MUCH MUCH BETTER! But don’t worry you’ll see…at MAYHEM! Cody Starks find a God to prey to to beg for Mercy because Im tellin ya right now phuck mook…YOU’LL GET NONE FROM ME….See ya round the way puntas!!!
…And with that LA Johnny Stylez puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks off stage left leaving you and everyone else to look on in the distance of the massive fire caused from the truck exploding. We watch the flames roar in the dark of the night as Johnny comes running back until our only view of him is from behind. He touches his earpod and says…
LA Johnny Stylez: Hey Alexa…How do you…?...ya know what nevermindf I forgot I don’t give a flying phuck about how you say I’d like to report a fire in Mandarin! They are smart they’ll figure it out…probably!!!
…Johnny then walks off and the live feed ends leaving you to wait for the coming Mayhem put on by the bright stars of IIW but still to linger in the simple fact that this time just like last time this
…HAS BEEN YOUR PLEa$uRE!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??