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Post by Osh Vaughan on Sept 3, 2024 13:23:30 GMT
Mark Zout vs Trent Darby vs Malboro Man vs Jack Me Hoff vs Travis Walker vs Synn
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Post by jacknmehoff on Sept 9, 2024 9:45:26 GMT
We are taken to a sold out arena for IIW Monday Night Mayhem....on Friday night? Something about the production seems a little off.
Whoooaahhhoooohhh. Whooooaahhooohhhh. When it's covered in all the colored lights Where the runaways are runnin' the night Impossible comes true, it's taking over you Oh, this is the greatest show.
The Greatest Show starts to play through the arena, and a few fans are singing and clapping to the song. Gold pyro goes off at the ring entrance and a huge cloud of smoke forms. Through the smoke walks the Brazzers Champion, Jack Mehoff, to a mixed reaction.
Jack is wearing a cherry red suit. Jack takes in the reaction and motions toward the ring, where stage hands are setting up the set for the Casting Couch. Jack walks down the isle, encouraging fans to clap and sing along with his new intro music for his interview segment. He holds up his hand and several fans yell “ooohhhh” with the song. Jack enters the ring and grabs the mic. It's obvious that Jack's intro to the casting couch is playing from 4 weeks ago.
Jack: Welcome… to… THE GREATEST SHOW!!!! I'm Jack Mehoff, and this is The Casting Couch.
The camera angle changes to Jack standing inside a completely different wrestling ring, and it looks like the fans behind him are being put there through use of a green screen. The sound of a prerecorded audience cheering plays.
Jack: Now through out the history of this show, I've brought out some great talent. On the debut episode, we had that homeless guy. OK, that wasn't so great. We had Mr. Personality, Leichenberg. I had on Osh Vaughn, who was looking up fat girl porn on his phone and not wearing pants... OK, so the guests I've had on haven't been the greatest. But tonight, I'm bringing out a guest that will unquestionably change that. I'm bringing out a man, whose title reign is nothing short of legendary. He is without question, the face of IIW. He is a roll model, a icon, and everything a professional wrestler should be. Ladies and gentlemen, my guest tonight, is the one, the only, the greatest champion in IIW history. He is JACK N. MEHOFF.
I Touch Myself by the Divynals starts to play, and the nonexistent crowd sounds like they're loosing their shit cheering. The camera focuses on a mock up of the Mayhem set, and sure enough, the Brazzers Streaming Champion, Jack N. Mehoff steps through the curtain. Despite the fact we just saw Jack in the ring wearing a cherry red suit, he is now wearing a white No Ma'am t-shirt, the Brazzers Streaming Championship belt and jeans. He has a cigarette in his mouth and a can of White Claw in his hand. He raises his hands and the prerecorded audience is still going nuts.
The camera changes back to the ring, where Jack, in his cherry red suit is in the ring, clapping. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Jack in the white shirt climbs into the ring. The music cuts out and the two Jacks stand there for a second, looking at eachother. Looking at them, it's kind of obvious this is being done with some old editing tricks. Finally, Jack in the suit starts talking.
Jack: I've just got to tell you sir, it's a true honor to have you here. Please take a seat.
The suited Jack sits in a directors chair, while the Jack in the t-shirt sits back on the couch, puts his feet up and takes a drink of his White Claw.
Jack: Oh no sir. The honor is all mine. It's always been a dream of mine to be on this show ever since it's debut.
Jack: Sir, you truly humble me. I know I could spend at least an hour talking about what a great wrestler you are, what a truly talented, multifaceted entertainer you are, but this is an interview segment, so I have to ask a few questions of you.
Jack: Please go right ahead. I know any question you ask will be much more intelligent and thought out than anything the janitor could ask.
Jack: So, I've just got to start out by saying. It's a true exhibition of your talent that you find yourself in the Key 2 Success match when you weren't even booked to compete in a qualifying match.
Jack: Just another example of Osh not recognizing the talent he's got right under his nose and booking his family members instead.
Jack: Exactly. So, my question is, when you look at your opponents in this match, what do you see?
Jack: First of all, when I look at the guy with top billing in this match, Mark Zout, I just have to roll my eyes. Talk about naming yourself after a bad pun. This is wrestling. It's a serious business. Who would name themselves after such a lame word play?
The pair of Jacks, (see what I did there) pause and look at eachother for a second.
Jack: Ok, moving on, next on the list it "The Last Honest Man in Professional Wrestling," Trent Darby.
The Jack on the couch just snickers.
Jack: "Last Honest Man in Professal Wrestling?" This guy can't even be honest with himself. We all saw how I embarrassed him a few weeks ago. I have to say, I'm really not looking forward to facing this guy again.
Jack: Is it because he's dangerous? Or a tough opponent?
Jack: Oh Hell no. I don't want to face this guy because he smells like he sleeps in a dumpster the Department of Transportation uses to collect roadkill.
Jack: I will admit, all you have to do is just look at him to know he doesn't have the best personal hygiene.
Jack: No kidding. Last time I faced him, I had to burn my ring gear and got locked in the arena because I had to spend so much time in the shower. Before this match starts, I may have to spray him down with a can of air freshener. Or just dump a whole bottle of Febreeze on him.
Jack: Or a can of bug spray. Lord only knows what's living in that mess of hair he has.
Jack: Exactly.
Jack: Ok, so next up we have Marlboro Man.
Jack takes a drag from his cigarette.
Jack: I actually like this guy. He does things that may not be PC anymore and doesn't give a damn. He's the type of guy I'd want to hang our with.
Jack: Absolutely. Since Curtis hasn't been around, maybe it's time to find a new tag team partner?
Jack: You know what they say. "Never say never."
Jack: And next up, Travis Walker, Texas Ranger.
Jack: I prefer to call him "The Cow Puncher Travis Walker." Seriously, why is he in this match? It's starting to seem a little bloated.
Jack: Really. There's so many people in this match it feels like Osh is just throwing the whole roster at you.
Jack: Don't go giving him ideas. Now before you bring up the last person in this match, I want to ask you about her. You had a little run in with her.
Jack: Oh yes. You're unquestionably talking about Synn. I wanted to do what's best for the show, and introduce a new talent. I wanted to let the fans get to know a new face in the company, I asked her some valid questions like any good interviewer is supposed to do, she gives me the silent treatment, and then attacks me.
Jack: You know what I think happened? She was totally smitten by you.
Jack: For real?
Jack: Ok, now hear me out. A girl like that, she only ever hangs out in goth clubs and any guy who tries talking to her has a face like a rat, complete with a nasty overbite, looks thin and lanky like they're anorexic, and are nowhere near as attractive as you are. I mean, let's be honest, you're a damn handsome man.
Jack: I do hear that a lot, but thank you anyways.
Jack: No problem. So she's standing next to you, she's never had a man like you talk to her before, so she freezes up. She doesn't know what to do, and just like a boy in 3rd grade who has a crush on a girl and doesn't know what to do, she hits you.
Jack: That actually makes perfect sense. But anyways, moving on. I've got to ask the big question. When you win this match, which you undoubtedly will, which title will you go after?
Jack: Well, That's a good question. Everyone already knows I've already got the most prestigious championship in IIW with the Brazzers Streaming Championship, right here. But I'm always looking to add another belt to my collection. At this point, I'm undecided if I should go after Crush or Casimir Laska.
Upon saying that name, the lights flicker, and the sound of thunder can be heard in the distance, followed by horses neighing in terror.
Both Jack's look around a little confused.
Jack: Why are there horses nearby? Anyways, I had a hunch you might not have your mind made up yet. And you can tell the thought of having to defend their title is really getting to Crush and Casimir Laska.
Again, the lights flicker, and the sound of thunder can be heard in the distance, followed by horses neighing in terror.
Jack: Earlier today, I actually received letters from both Crush and... the other guy, and I wanted to read them on the air.
Jack reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out two envelopes. One is in a business envelope with printed address labels on it, while the other one is in a red envelope and has an old timey wax seal on the back. Jack hands them to... Jack, and the Jack on the couch opens the old style envelope first. He pulls out a piece of paper.
Jack: Well you can tell this is from Casimir Laska
The lights flicker, and the sound of thunder and horses neighing can be heard in the background.
Jack: It doesn't have any discernable words and is written entirely in crayon.
Jack holds the drawing up to the camera.
Jack: I'm sure his mother must be very proud and will hang it on her fridge.
Jack opens the other letter and starts reading it, and gets a big smile on his face.
Jack: Oh, this is rich. Listen to this, "Dear Mr. Jack. My name is Agnis and I am the mother of Jimmy, or you may know him as Crush. I'm writing to ask that you please stop making fun of my son. He is a very sensitive boy, and when you make fun of him, he gets very upset. There are times where he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming your name. In fact, I think it's affecting my daughter-in-law Jessica too, because when Jimmy goes to the gym, and Jessica lays down to take a nap, I hear her screaming your name as well. Please do not continue to embarrass my poor son. This is very hurtful to me and our family."
Both Jack's start laughing like hyenas.
Jack: Well, there you have it. Looks like I won't be going after Crushy because I don't want his mother mad at me.
Jack: So, there you have it. I guess that means Casimir Laska (lights flicker, thunder crash, horses neigh) had better grow eyes in the back of his head.
The scene fades to black.
Somewhere else. Somewhere as far from the glamor of a movie studio or the IIW arena. A place said to be haunted.
Haunted not by the dead, but the living.
Eloise Asylum. Jack and Eva pull up to the main entrance with a sense of hope and fear. For a guy who never takes anything seriously, this is a very unusual feeling.
Almost ten years ago, Jacks best friend, Snake Ridge went missing. His car was found but he never was. About a year ago, when he was in FTW, Jack asked Harley Abbott, an interviewer and former investigative reporter, to take up the case. Five hours ago, Jack got a text on his phone saying, "I FOUND HIM!!!" along with a photo from an underground fight club.
Now, he's walking down the hallways of a very old building in desperate need of repair, followed by Eva and Harley. They are led into an office by an orderly and stand in front of a desk where an old man, wearing a suit sits, going over some paperwork.
Harley: Jack, Eva. This is Mr. Crenshaw. He runs the asylum and refused to let me see Snake, because I'm not his family.
Mr. Crenshaw: Miss Abbott. I told you before, this is a mental health hospital, not an asylum. Miss Ridge, Mr. Hoff. It's nice to meet you. When I heard that we might finally have someone who can give us some answers on one of my facilities biggest mysteries, I was thrilled.
Jack and Eva do not look convinced.
Eva: What the fuck is going on, and where is he?
Mr. Crenshaw: Well mam, if this man is indeed your husband, when he came to us, he was a real mess. But, the physical damage was nothing compared to the brain damage.
Eva: What sort of brain damage?
Crenshaw: Well, there was some damage to the language center of his brain. He appears to no longer be able to form words, or understand them for that matter. Damage to the memory center. Then, there's the violent outbursts. Over the years, he has assaulted other patients as well as several of our staff.
Harley: Really? Was that before or after he started appearing in underground fight clubs while under your watch?
Crenshaw: Like I told you last time, I have no idea how that happened.
Jack: Can we just go and see him, so we can confirm it's him and get him out of here?
Crenshaw: I'm sorry sir, but even if you're able to confirm his identity, you won't be able to "take him out of here." He's been deemed criminally insane. He's a proven danger to society snd himself.
Jack: You've got to be kidding me.
Crenshaw: You have to understand sir. We have him under a conservatorship. The court ruled that we are in charge of what's best for him.
Eva's neck twitches and her lip curls as she walks toward his desk. She stabs his desk with a metal spike, right in front of him. The old man gasps in horror as Eva locks one of his arms behind his back, and starts forcing his face toward the spike.
Eva: If you want to see a danger to society, I'll show you one. Now either you let us see him and take him out of here, or this spike is going inside your skull, I get arrested and end up here with him anyways. Take your pick.
***Five minutes later***
The trio, as well as Crenshaw and two orderlies are walking down a long hallway with rooms on each side. Each room they pass has another cursed person inside, looking at them as they pass. There's stains on the white, turning yellow walls. They approach a cell and standing behind the glass is a monster of a man. He stands at over six and a half feet tall. He is almost as wide as he is tall. His body as well as parts of his face are covered with a combination of scars and tattoos. There is a large bandage wrapped tightly around his head, covering his left eye and part of his forehead.
He looks up at his visitors and Eva and Jack can only stand there in shock. He reaches his hand out and touches the glass.
Eva: Snake.
He tilts his head, obviously recognizing her, and his name.
Harley: Open the door. NOW!
The orderly fumbles with his keys and manages to open the door. As soon as it's opened, Jack walks in the room.
Jack: Snake, you son of a bitch. I can't belie
Before Jack can finish his sentence, Snake hits him with a right hook to the jaw, knocking him out. The orderlies panic. One rushes into the room. Snake grabs him, picks him up and throws him head first into the glass, with enough force to crack it. He lets out a primal scream as he walks out of the room. The other orderly runs away. Crenshaw tries to run away too, but Snake grabs him in a headlock and shoves his thumb into the old man's throat. He is completely out cold in seconds, but Snake does not release his grip.
Eva walks over to him and places a hand on his shoulder. She shakes it lightly to gain his attention.
Eva: Snake? Do you remember me? Please tell me you know who I am. What we were to eachother. You were supposed to be with me forever. Snake listen to me. Tell me what happened.
Snake stares at her. He seems to recognize her from somewhere. His eyes light up and he releases Crenshaw. He turns to her. She puts her arm in his and they start to walk out. A stunned Harley walks into the cell, where Jack has regained consciousness, and is laying on the floor, holding his jaw.
Harley: Is that really him?
Jack: Yeah, that's him all right. I'd recognize that right hook anywhere
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